Handling It

According to me,
Although it’s “never too late”,
Sometimes,
when we finally,
consciously,
rationally respond,
to our actions,
The damage may be done,
So..,
It might be,
too late..?

Because most people don’t like me,
And constantly use their non-learning challenged awareness to emotionally dump on me,
Exacerbating my obsessive thinking and hypersensitivity,
It’s very hard for me,
To sustain peaceful self-control,
For my own wellness and safety..,

And,
As for me,
No matter,
how much inner permanent damage,
that may have been done to me,
Which I may not presently see,
(If any is “permanent”.. at least in my current physical form in the infinitely, infinite present),
Still,
I try to,
REMEMBER,
There’s always,
A way,
to be with,
To accept more of,
whatever it is,
On whatever level(s)..
Wherever,

The way I practice my chosen practices,
May not,
instantly,
or even sufficiently (if practiced successfully),
clear it,
But I guess,
we can still..
At least somewhat,
Mitigate it..?
And,
Learn something,
rewarding,
from it,
Aside from,
however,
Regardless of reasons why,
We may,
Or may not,
Respond,
To it,
In some needed,
Constructive way(s)..

..

If it’s physical,
and/or emotional,
And/or any type of pain,
How do we,
resist less,
To experience,
less pain?

Although,
our attention,
May not have been,
focused on,
Our destructive reaction,
that was about to happen,

We’re still in some moment,
After whatever happened,
And if the pain,
has not passed,
Well..
We can..
I guess,
still,
Do whatever we can,
As our present experience(s),
pass,

And,
Aside from whatever we’re experiencing,
I guess,
As for,
whatever,
may be coming..?
May we,
see it coming,
So we,
can internally,
prepare ourselves,
To stay aware,
And alert,
To avoid as much suffering,
As we can..,

So,
In the,
“grand scheme of things”,
Reacting to anyone,
Such as..
(strangers who I see once and never again),
In a life-damaging,
life ending way,
Obviously,
would be additionally tragic..
Hence,
I must..
“See it coming”,
To AVOID,
pointless,
lifelong suffering..
To avoid,
Anything harmful,
Horrific or tragic..
That I could have avoided..,

But as for my second to last post,
Pertaining to,
Irrational forces,
blinding previous,
rational awareness,
Essentially,

Well..,
Although..,
I KNOW,
Not to dangerously escalate situations,
Especially small trivial ones,
Such as customers insulting me,
over their “champagne problems”,
Such as getting pissed at me for not knowing precisely,
where items as non-essential as champagne are located..
etc, etc..
To avoid a serious,
Life changing permanent,
Horrific,
problems,

I’d guess,
The more I practice awareness,
The more I,
Can PREPARE for NOT destructively, unconsciously reacting,
to their,
Or anyone’s,
goofiness..,

But although..
I KNOW..
I MUST..
SEE IT COMING,
Whether it’s through inwardly “checking in”,
Or whatever is needed,
So while my attention is focused on their aggressive complaint(s),
My attention will ALSO be aware,
Of the LIKELY results,
of my possible reaction(s)..,

They of course,
Do NOT know my history,
Of my hypersensitivity,
learning challenges,
and all other pain that got exacerbated by those being very mean to me..,
Which I must let go of to the extent,
required,
for it to stop weighing on me..,
obviously..

So I can be clear enough,
To see whatever is coming,
So I can react in the safest way I can,
To stay,
On the most beneficial conscious,
Existential way I can,
In this ongoing present,
As long as,
And/or,
As often as,

I can..

And,
Although I could be WAY WAY worse,
I’m still trapped in the bullshit,
Struggle to NOT destructively react to it,
So..
At least,
I’m still not as deep as I could be in it,
But I must remember,
To STAY peaceful, alert and aware,
To,
Stay as safe as I can,
From too much more pain,
Resulting from how I handle it

One thought on “Handling It

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