A talented Actor

I additionally feel that my perceptions may tell me that:

Sometimes locations bring up memories from that same location,
Such as going to the same movie theater yesterday (on July 2nd, 2023),
When I remembered something back in April 2017 which was when:

I went along with someone who got into the movie theater by showing the staff member his “Five Guys” receipt because (as I’d guess) the staffer may have been too tired and stressed to clearly look,

And since I was once again too desperate to clearly have the patience of distinguishing good friends versus toxic friends,
I still gravitated towards scumbags like him,

In general,
I wish to have more strength,
Such as for sustaining inner peace in isolation,
So egoistic scumbags such as him do NOT feed off of my social connection desperation..,

He just criticized me for my anxiety,
Lied by saying a girl “called the cops” on me,
Criticized me for that one time I chose NOT to take a certain “joke” after he’d insult me to try feeling in control over me,
And his sadistic awareness,
Knew of the precise times to do and say hurtful stuff such as this,

He ordered me to give him my phone,
Went through my messages,
Then criticized me for telling my parents about how he was mistreating me,

And after I went to a couple of his theater performances,
Went out to bars while sober,
Including the on campus social functions that he preferred,
He claimed that he was doing it “all for me” as a narcissistic defense mechanism when I’d try to let him know how he was mistreating me,

He peer pressured me to drink,
Then criticized me for drinking too much,

The patience I had for him took away energy within me,
Including him insulting me for not functioning more independently,

He could spot my weakness,
Knew how to sharpen his lethal awareness knife,
Would then stab so deeply,
And act as if he was “trying to help” me,

And reasons I was drinking too much included that,
Scumbags such as him were often the only type(s) of friends I’d find,
After constant social rejection and emotional pain in isolation,
Just felt to be,
Too much,

Hence,
May I remember to breathe and find peace through developing acceptance of inner sensations,
And broaden clear inner peaceful survival awareness,
In order to better AVOID and NOT ever gravitate to those types of people and situations,

And although I only mentioned this to him like twice:
He even criticized me for “always” talking about “mindfulness”,
And as for drinking less and learning how to inwardly find peace with “noticing our naturally occuring breath and inner sensations”,
He just had ZERO helpfully compassionate advice,

His ego just did NOT care to be nice,

And well,
I just wish to,
Sustain the awareness,
To stay safe and NEVER desperately seek social connection through bullies such as him,

He was always a talented actor…..,
And sadly appeared to use that theatrical awareness OFF STAGE to hurt those desperate for social connection,

And going forward,
May I access and sustain more inner clear strength to clearly stay safe from mean and manipulative people such as him,

And well,
Even if a shared struggle forces me,
To join forces,
With certain others toxically similar to him,

Well,
May that force feel and manifest,
More peacefully,
Eventually