Among my Opinions

Among my opinions,

Just because you made it out alive,
Does not mean you get to abuse people,
Who did not have to experience,
The level(s) of pain you did,

If it was all for nothing,
You can still teach us something(s),

Such as,
How to reduce insecurity,
Literally or spiritually,

What it really means to be wise,
Instead of basic common sense,

If you are forced to do a job that’s too frightening for most others to pursue,
Please try not to abuse others,
Who struggle to be as gifted as you

Continually Changing

A present understanding I have that I would guess is at least somewhat accurate is,

The more my ego mind,
Wants to prove,
The more my ego mind,
Wants to film itself,

And to me it seems,
The more others discover what my ego filmed,
The more I lose privacy,

And I fear that,
Somehow will open a door,
For any others,
To use whatever I film myself doing,
Against me,

And sometimes,
In my belief,
Our narcissism may then make us believe,
That all the video footage we put out,
Will make other unconscious manifestations jealous,
Which may make us fear,
That others may want to,
Put us out,
?

If I say,
That I feel that the “world is against me”,
I believe I would MOST LIKELY MEAN,
That,
It MOST LIKELY does NOT mean that “everyone knows me”,
But that there are OTHER sentient manifestations of unconsciousness that became unconsciously lost that way dangerously worse than the worst parts of me,
Who feel they been unfairly wronged by society,
Far deeply WORSE than me,
And are now jealous of me,
And might therefore be,
Trying to come torture,
Me,

Inhale,
Exhale,

Sometimes if not often,
My imagination,
Still,
Frightens me,

Even if there are others who had an exactly different education than me,
Even if there are others who had immensely worse experiences than me,
I hope I feel more safe,
While KEEPING,
Fair and peaceful,
Democracy,

I know that those who I never seen before are not thinking,
“Oh that’s Zach!!”

Yet to me it seems,
As I’ve discussed,
Or implied (I think),
The more I lose sleep,
The more my mind,
Is likely to,
Fall even further behind,

I feel a need to remind,
Myself,
To notice,
What my mind needs to,
Yet does not presently notice,

Such as my inhaling and exhaling,
And all of matter and space,
That I believe to be a part of,
As it remains continually,
Changing

More And/Or Less

I can’t ever tell who is most deserving,
Because as for most (if not everyone),
I did not see,
And I did not inwardly feel,
The way they felt in response,
To their experience(s),

I don’t know,
The levels of all types of inevitable pain anyone has experienced,

And I don’t know,
Anyone’s ability,
To selflessly,
Pull themselves out,
Of their,
Pain,
So I don’t know what is a fair,
Level of entitlement(s)?

I guess any human being,
(And/Or any type of being),
Is complicated,
In ways,
Beyond what any being,
Can see on the surface,
So..,
My hope is,
That enough discover and maintain their inner foundational roots of peace,
?

Because it seems to me,
That if we have peace inside,
Peace will emanate outside,
?

I guess,
If we had the same exact life experience(s),
The same reactions and/or responses,
Same capabilities,
Etc, etc,
Then if one person,
Is accessing more wealth and resources per hour,
Than another person who ALWAYS,
Tries just as hard can access in their lifetime,

Well,

Of course I believe the interconnected systems must further balance,
Of course people must acknowledge each other and be held accountable,

(Random notes: January 2019 article: https://www.businessinsider.com/what-amazon-ceo-jeff-bezos-makes-every-day-hour-minute-2018-10?amp,
Another link: https://dol.ny.gov/minimum-wage-0)

You can research current events,
I would guess?
To me it seems,
They’re always changing like a current,
That’s out of our control,
That’s how I feel in this moment anyway,

If you have more power and control than me,
I really hope,
That you are aware,
Of how you are affecting,
Those with my present awareness and capability,

And instead of looking for a savior and not working,
I believe,
We must instead seek to contribute what we know we can,
And to always remember to try to safely improve,
Regardless of how much our abilities increased or decreased,
Regardless of what we have been diagnosed with,

Yet,
Because I believe in the right to privacy,
Because in my belief,
(And because I have to keep acknowledging that what I say I believe might differ than what you believe..),
Because IN MY BELIEF we can NOT know how much pain any other sentient life manifestation feels,
In response to the same or different experiences,

So I’d say that I believe,
We’ll never know,
Who is to any extent(s),
More,
And/Or,
Less deserving,

And (in my belief),
If we want to film ourselves all the time to PROVE everything we ever did,
Privacy we will lose all the time,
That is something in my belief,
That enough beings remember,
ENOUGH OF THE TIME,

To me it seems,
We just have to keep improving trust,
And holding ourselves and others accountable,
By continually discovering what is most inwardly peaceful,
In order to keep discovering ways in which we are capable

Scattered Heart

Is the past occurring now?
Or am I thinking of it?
Is the future occurring now?
Or am I thinking of it?

What always occurs now?

What do we need to focus on to appreciate the most,
To get the most out of life,
during the time we experience it..
The present?

WOW,

Isn’t it profoundly evident!???

Yeah I’m feeling that anger again,
I revisited some inner bullshit again,
Vengeance is in me,
Unemployment is distancing me,
Literally and more literally,

I’ve been in “fight and flight” so much,
There’s been moments when,
My thinking,
Was shrinking,
Into black and white,
With no shades of any color,

I miss then,
I her,
..,
I been writing about pieces of my autistic life’s bullshit,
And the stress and pressure to please,
While staying safe,
Has,
As a more compassionate part of me predicted,
That I’d lose sleep,

And regress,
As those non-autistics,
Who my victim ego mentality still feels that pain they passed on to me,
Progress

Inhale,
Exhale,

I try to,
Notice,
Witness,
The untangling,
And gradual peaceful connecting,
Of my,
Scattered heart

Terrifying Seasons

I must watch my mind,
So it doesn’t,
Control me like a puppet,

Anger destroys me,
Fear makes me want to feel superior,
Goodness makes me feel,
That,
I can always do better,

One assumption I now have,
Is that,
If I don’t watch it,
My mind will,
Hurt me,

And if others let there minds control them,
Or if they say,
“I can’t control my mind”,
Well,
Then I believe,
That those who can’t control their minds,
Or,
Those who can’t control their emotions,
Or both,

Essentially,
Those who can’t control themselves,
I DEEPLY fear,
Their power over me,

And it’s that fear in me,
That tells me to,
“Obey”,

Yet,
If we don’t know how to control ourselves when we “disobey”,
How will our new societal structure feel any different?

I hope on some level you feel it,
And know how to prevent it,
Yet I’ll just ask it,
As for sustaining freedom,
And sustaining the planet,
Are enough of us,
Doing it!?

Yes my ego wants another blog post,
Yet,
When others don’t do what they can for whatever personal reasons,

Emotionally,
And/or geographically speaking,
We may get more,
Unexpected,
Shocking,
Terrifying,
Seasons

??

Man vs. Manchild

Once upon a time,

A man walked in the door,
Gave another manchild,
some beer,
And muscles,
to try on,

The beer muscles made the manchild ask himself,
“This is what clears my anxiety the quickest and easiest way.. now that I think..?”

The man left,
To go back to wake up the next day,
In a job,
In which many unknown men,
Have been washed away,
And wasted,
In a club called,
“The bay”,

The manchild said,
In time..
In time..
This medicine,
Is how,
All the bullies,
Dickheads,
Scumbags,
Evil artists,
And manipulation in any forms,
Will pay!

The manchild thought to himself,

“And here I am.. in my room, afraid of everyone all by myself, time to question, myself”.

More Advice

Since we react to the same experience differently,
How can I guarantee,
That if I mistreat others,
the way they mistreat me,
That they’ll empathize with me,
When..
(Like I said),
Their different states of awareness,
react to the same experience differently,
?

And autocorrect once again didn’t underline “empathize” and instead,
Because I re-read this,
Is was me,
Not the IPhone,
Information database or wherever,
That realized this,

Since (in posts (of mine) such as “No Guarantee”),
I mentioned there’s NO guaranteed outcome,

Hence,
In my belief,
Trying to show the bully “how it feels”,
WITHOUT healing the internal roots of,
why people bully,
why people suffer,
Or however we energetically project ourselves on each other,
Does not seem to guarantee,
awakening,
And because,
In my belief that I try to emphasize clearer,
and clearer,
It just seems to me that,
Punishment does NOT enlighten,
Yet seems to cause more painful confusion,

So,
Although there’s no “one way”,
I would say,
To focus on inner development,
That heals painful feelings,

And..
Words may not be able to describe this,
?
Or maybe it’s those like me,
Who can NOT clearly write this?

And words,
Alone,
can’t change someone,
Especially since they are words,
Not behavior,

But what is a way to heal pain,
That is causing others,
To mistreat others,
In order to feel better?

Seems to be,
The unconscious ego,
Which we,
must overcome?

Is it (as Eckhart Tolle refers to it) the “pain-body”?
Or I guess (based on my understanding),
“Unconscious pain feeding energy”,
That we must consciously recognize within ourselves to consciously step OUT of?

What environments,
Do we provide for ourselves,
and children,
To facilitate,
This awakening development process?

Basic needs,
Yes..
But how?
Go to the supermarket,
Duhhh..

Point is,
In my belief,
The more we try to prove ourselves right,
The more we forget what we’re trying to prove,
If it’s to someone,
Or anyone,
Who reminds us of anyone,
Who we remember,
Deeply hurt us,

Now don’t stereotype,
There,
At least,
Many of us seem to NEED to be reminded of that advice

Regaining Trust

Although SOME teachers’ actions,
May not morally align with what they teach,
I believe all of us,
Can put lessons we learned,
Inner realizations we acquired,
Into practice,
More deeply,
In ways,
That’ll suit our changing capabilities,

Assuming we’re,
NOT,
doing that already,
?

Inhaling,
Exhaling,
Inner contracting,
And how my narcissistic self feels like posting,

As for anyone,
Such as myself,
Who has gotten easily frightened of the possibility of uncontrollably increasing excruciating world disorder,

Well,
May we remind ourselves to,
Notice,
Inhaling,
And exhaling,
..,

If ya can’t breathe there’s nothing I can tell ya..,

Whether our behavior is,
“Nature, nurture or both”,
To me they all seem to clearly imply,
That whatever we do is out of our control,

So,
May you stay safe,
Stay well,
Remain kind and productive,
And keep spotting..,

Shit..
Help me rhyme this..,
Destructive?
Explosive?

Ohh.. oh..
So,
To be peacefully cooperative,
We must realize how we’re not irritating those we rely on,
So,
..,
I think you know,

And I’ll remind myself,
To remain creative,
Without being destructive,
While remaining productive,

And tell myself,
That I’m thankful,
For the quiet comfortable inner space I’m in,

So thank you,
To anyone who came before me,

Thank you to all of you,
Who has provided,
Is providing and will continue to provide for me,

So thanks to the teachers,

Because we all learn from somewhere,
Whether it’s private,
Public,
In the Constitution,
Or in an ass backwards institution, etc, etc, etc,

I just want to say,
To,
Just do whatever you can,
To fight pollution,

And even if I’m struggling to do “all that”,
Avoid what you know you must,
And hopefully,
Us humans,
Will regain,
More trust

Realizing Addition(s)

“Realizing Addition(s)”

I often feel,
That when others say they..,
“Feel me”,
I don’t feel it to be true,
Yet..
Is it them who doesn’t feel me?
Is it me?
Both..,
I just can’t sufficiently spot the disconnect?

I’ll have one beer,
Then another month or so,
Have more,
While knowing I’m killing of brain cells to kill social anxiety,
..
I’ll get drunk on four drinks,
Then five,
Then the requirement will be “six”,
Because a “six pack” is built for a “man”,
As one man seemed to imply,
..,
I wish him well,
He’s been through a lot,
He’s a good guy,
And a favorite music group of mine (the Dubliners) has a song called “seven drunken nights”,
And was it just a joke??
I don’t know??
But I’m like..
WHY!!?

I liked the lyrics,
But if I want to experience states of awareness,
That in my belief,
Produce the best creativity,
I will take the lyrics of whoever is my favorite creative artists,
Literally

Yeah I know,
When we realize that,
The more we wonder when the next time we’ll get to drink is,
The more it’s best to slow down

(Source, “The Dubliners”, YouTube, “Paddy Berry” (uploaded 4/9/09) https://youtu.be/5CWIIoSf4nw)

Coherent Syllables

Fewer coherent syllables,
May mean,
Less awkward silence,

I didn’t sleep,
My senses are overloading,

Labels,
Are diagnosing,

Medication,
And,
Recreation,
drugs,
I’d guess,
Are imbalancing,
Why can’t people stop murdering!!?
Why can’t clear thinking,
Remain,
Collectively,
Broadening,

?

(Source: Dr. Suess? Zeus?)

I must ask,
How broadly,
Do any of you,
Judge me?
Or is it we?
Why can’t someone come down and,
Epiphany,

If I’m stuck in isolation,
Receive advice constantly,
The isolation,
The fear,
That others won’t hear,

Will deepen,
And I’ll become,
Dumb,
Desperate,
And to afraid,
To trust anyone,
Who I may,
Ever,
Rely on