Helpless Damaging Criticism

So-called “Delusional” person thinking to himself: The more we give up our forces of expectational pressure of our ego, the more we can keep going while more deeply realigning with our deeper inseparable sentient beingness intertwined of infinite forms and degrees of solid and space..

Officer: Is everything okay?

Delusional person talking to himself while walking on a sidewalk: Confuse of abuse, Who the fucking “duse”..?

Another mental dialogue reaction of sourceless language: Please communicate what you’re trying to tell me,
Before unconsciously reacting surfacely violently, or am I paranoid falsely..?
What will any multi-identified elaborately powerfully collective sentient groups assume about me..?
Huhh..,
Hypothetically speaking..,
Regardless of however often and more excessive obsessive compulsive disclaimers,
I fear that,
If the more I become lost in scattered unorganized thinking,
The more likely I’ll disenfranchise myself and the more likely I’ll become desperate for resources through brutal means,
No..,
Once again,
This is an imaginary action that I NEVER plan to act on.. I just frequently worry..,

Speaking for myself,
It appears,
Forces of drama,
Gossip,
And whatever words I’m “not allowed to say that others are ‘allowed’ to express feelings of belonging with”,
Can give highly manipulative and exclusively judgmental individuals,
Delusional reasons that others will easily believe,
Who I hope will NOT pointlessly add pain towards me that teaches me nothing,

I additionally feel I;
Just have not been conditioned within myself along a socially expected “typical” way,
And I know,
Who is really “typical” in a land of infinitely complex forms and degrees of personally historic identities and (as I presently believe) inseparable from infinite degrees and forms (to whichever degree solid and/or space) of life energy..?

I do NOT understand either,
When I feel constantly surrounded by screens,
What does body language truly mean..?

Are infinite forms and degrees,
of present abilities,
of trustworthy individuals,
meant to certify others,
going down or up..?

Although a large part of me feels I messed up,
Still,
A deeper part of me,
Feels that there was more underlying influential forces navigating my choices infinitely mysteriously internally and externally before the forced judgmental time of making a decision would feel to arrive..,

And I feel I am sufficiently aware that,
It’s fair to share my present conjecture that:
The more I excessively try to type,
Handwrite and/or whatever,
That comes from how my present perceptions view my accumulated lived experiences,
Others may gravitate away from me,
Because in my belief,
Peaceful social gravitation,
Is just not only about trying to orbit to shelter over any single horizon,
So may we reduce selfish,
Heating up emissions,
To the best of our readily presently available capability,
And if I have failed repeatedly,
I ask for others,
To forgive me,
For being UNconsciously irritatingly sensitive,
And hard to comfortably suit within,
This inseparable sentient system I perceive myself to presently manifest in.. (yes.. in my presently held opinion),

I feel a need to ask the question that;
If the more we feel that “action speaks louder”,
then will the more our ability to communicate,
through empathetically getting to more deeply know each other,
reduce?

Must people feel a need to tell me they “work hard” to reduce chances of me criticizing them NOR mentioning to them how life can be inevitably NOT perfectly robotically fair?

Would certain individuals,
harmfully, continually, intransigently,
impatiently, dismissively,
exclaim in whichever form and/or degree (however much implicitly or directly),
By emanating some energy field along the lines of;
“Get used to it!!”..?

And unfortunately,
I worry I’ll continue to not clearly trust several who are truly trustworthy,
Resulting in,
Increasing negative assumptions of those I have not yet met,
The more I fail to let go of accumulated feelings of past experiences of helpless,
damaging criticism,

And regardless of how much I “am”,
To continue trying to move forward,
I am,
trying,
to view myself among all I see myself as a part of,
With LESS forces of,
capability impinging toxic victim mentality,

And that,
is mostly,
what my present perceptions appear,
to be presently telling me,

I feel we can keep trying,
And as always,
Thanks for reading!