Fictional/Imaginative

(Genre: Creative Writing)

I guess that the more fancy,
festive,
and/or surrounding “peaceful” ambience,
can still cause an equal amount of suffering IF survival resources are increasingly cut off for reasons personal,
elaborately unknown and unfortunately,
tragically inevitable..(?),

I still have hope!!

And well,
(I would guess that..),
Just witnessing and remaining “humble” will NOT.. always.. help alleviate any extent of micro/macro struggle..(?),

At some point I must AGAIN exit this safe space bubble..,

Pertaining to a fictional/imaginative example;
As for fighting and/or flying,
One-hundred percent of the time,
Possibly I’d guess that it’s..,

The more and more my emotionally dysregulated environmental response inclinations,
incline..,
my awareness may cowardly decline..(?),
at some point unless I return my awareness to my breathing,
(And yes I feel a present need to remind myself of that),
Because forgetting that,
Has often felt to cause me to lose focus..,
Causing my various forms of hypersensitivity to make me lose focus into some level of pointless paranoia too frequently..,
Then hopelessly emanating overly emotional irritably..,

Aside from the “victim mentality”..,
However often,
A part of me feels it’s just..,
Speaking catastrophically I feel that;
“Why do the forces of FUCK keep on terrifying me!?”,
“Who in the representation of hell is there to brutally openly emotionally dissect me!!”,

Huhh..,
Gotta breathe..,
Gotta witness the inhalations,
Exhalations,
And even if and when I may not be able to breathe..,
I just have to let go of what feels out of my control and yes I know.. I know..,
And keep reminding myself in whichever ways presently required..,

I guess that I continually feel that..(?),
That more I lose sleep,
The more I dream when awake,
Which can drastically cognitively/emotionally transport me into severe unaware vulnerability..,
Making me vulnerable to desperate (and I guess..(?)) individuals in a present state of clueless arrogance who claim to try to “help” me..,

?

Shit..,
And I do feel I work hard..,
Yet I still keep gravitating back to the forces of mysterious safe spaces because I feel I lose trust too easily because of reasons out of my control..(?),

And now I forgot where I was going with this..(!?),
Huhh..,

Okay..,
What if..,
I’ll become fooled into so much..,
So no matter what is pressured of me to give,
Receive,

To a large extent I feel to inevitably fear;
Constantly questioning everything to the point of not taking action among any sensation, considerate fair temptation,
force of opposing gravitation,
on any elevation (for example),
where the circumstances are for recreation (and yes (once again) I fear becoming sleep deprived to the point of being awake in dangerously vulnerable imagination that’s real in ways I’m deeply unaware of..,
while in another type and extent of pain.. I fear forced medication (at some point) resulting in deeply worsening my internal physiological causes and effects)..,

Wow..,
I’m here with all these survival essentials and all I’m doing is questioning aside from other priorities (and if you try to judge me well then there’s nothing I can offer at this point since the judgments I may receive often feel to not change for the better)..,

Yet as for what paths to take to considerately increase pain tolerance..,
Well..,
I just remain questioning in fearful cognitive philosophical thinking disorganization..,
Which (figuratively speaking) doesn’t (presently feel to) help pull me out of that dark terrifying well,
Or whatever inevitably lowers me more and more down into a sewage whirlpool of perpetual increasing hell!!

I’m still going though,
And to attempt to alleviate debilitating emotional pressure,
And with the hope of ethically increasing pain tolerance,
And with the hope of having the courage to share my weaknesses and build them up in the face of arrogant energy fields..,
Well..,
As for this blog post..,
It’s just more of what I felt a need to write for my own mental health care because (in my present belief),
knowing how to check in,
remembering to breathe,
And just steadily chill out the UNjustifiable dreamlike paranoia I may feel while awake..,
Feels just important for me to remain aware of,

And that is what I believe my perceptions tell me is my present opinion;

As always,
Thanks for reading this