Adjusting and Readjusting

(Genre: Creative Writing, (may you not take this personally) and as usual, thanks for reading, thanks for the support!),

Okay so,
As of now my interpretations of my emotions,
Tell me that,
I feel that;

Although however often I feel a need to provide examples,

I just do NOT want to continue keeping score,
Of the perpetual mean-spirited social energy attacks I feel to receive..,

I just do NOT want to keep holding myself back,
By constantly analyzing after the next person unexpectedly acts like a scumbag beyond words towards me..,

Why people change and operate the way they do feels out of my control,
And yet too often I feel unable to avoid it while frequently struggling to discover/rediscover and sustain increasing peaceful acceptance of it..,

For example,
If anyone has a problem with me,
I wish the person could just politely communicate it,
Instead of acting in some way that harms a needed interdependent team spirit,

For example,
It’s felt (and continues to feel) hard adjusting and readjusting,
to unexpectedly snarky,
sarcastic,
And/or any forms of provocative pointless egoic attention seeking dramatic bullshit..,

For example,
(And I’m sorry if this sounds dismissively judgmental),
HOWEVER;
I believe that,
In all groups of any kinds,
People are just as capable,
Of tragically developing into spiritually unconscious forces of evil,

Yet (for example),
Even if someone’s social/geographical environment gives them experiences that build them into the nastiest son of a scumbag imaginable,
Well,
I’ll just (once again..) try remembering to breathe,
Etc..,
Etc..,

Shit..,
I just get so angry at others who I feel (unconsciously) pointlessly deliberately provoke me while I feel unable to express how they add to my emotional painful frustration..,

The more someone tries to hurtfully provoke me in ways I can NOT describe,
The more likely the intense emotions might toxically build within me,
Unless I remember to practice just expecting them to be dickheads so I’m (as a result) less hurtfully let down,
And yes,
I feel a need to keep reminding myself to breathe (etc, etc, etc..),

I just don’t have time to precisely write and analyze every mean act my perceptions tell me is cruelly directed towards me,

Based on the way I presently often feel to see,
The world appears to be full of scumbags,
And regardless of the “love” several people claim to believe in,
Based on my perceptions,
Their actions,
Too often appear to speak differently,
unfortunately,

I’ll just keep trying to let the negativity pass through me,
Instead of it contaminating my perceptions excessively,

I’ll just keep trying to have my awareness come back and remain out of the forces of insecure,
sad,
angry hurtfulness..(for example),

And for example,
And although I’m not perfect either,
I’m not the deepest cause of others’ pain and insecurity,
I’m not the deepest cause of how someone has been psychologically/emotionally and/or however damaged throughout his life..,

I try having compassion and wishing others the best,
Yet there’s just so much,
That feels so deeply out of my control..,

It often feels as just..,
Another day,
Another obstacle..,

Another day,
Another dickhead trying to get to my head..,

Another day,
Another..
time to expect,
Feeling better,

And no matter who and/or however many others successfully drag me down,
My head will always try to..,
Remain..,

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