Intercom

(Genre: A short play, if you are presently struggling with emotional regulation, don’t read this #freedom. Also, this is a rough draft.. If reading this “offends” any of you, that’s not my responsibility..)

(Disclaimer: Please do not take this personally, thanks. Genre: Creative Dialogic Fiction..(I would guess..!?)),

And our story begins, with three individuals, trying to figure out how to navigate a hovering spacecraft’s dashboard, subsequent to assassinating an Alien which they initially believed to be their “cognitive friend therapist”, also known in the professional world as a (CFT)..

Jeff: Wait, so, if someone is accused with the DEROGATORY term of being “libtarted”, would it mean that, he/she/they knows what’s up, yet are too scared to actually do anything about it..? Right..?
Garry: May you lower your voice please!!?

Jeremy: Dude, what the fuck do all these buttons mean!!?
Garry: You tell me my guy..

The spacecraft keeps on drifting and drifting.., then they hear a voice on the intercom..

Intercom: Please fasten your seatbelts.

They do as instructed.

Jeremy: Okay now what!?
Intercom: Shut up.

As time passes, Jeremy figures out the dashboard, while Gary tries to form an extended playlist on his iPhone..

Garry’s lyrics:

Who’s gonna hack this next,
Who’s suppressed rage is going to unlock the cage—

Intercom: Garry would ya please put your phone down!!

Garry: Sorry it’s just—
Intercom: You ain’t sorry!!
Garry: So what fuck am I supposed to say!?
Intercom: Pay attention!!
Garry: To what!!?

The automatic dashboard keeps the three friends afloat while they sleep.. Once they wake up, they receive instructions from the intercom..

Intercom: Please do not get overly emotional, or I will rip off your balls..

Garry: So what the fuck are we supposted to say then, you son of a bastard of the arrogant special ed bastards who never learned to take care of themselves out in the wilderness because you always wanted to work out to build that nice looking V shape!!

Intercom: I said, shut your mouth!!

Underneath the automatic inclining and reclining chair comes long and lean fingers that start to tickle Garry..

Garry: You self titillation seeking fuck!! Stop!! Ahhh!!!

The intercom intervenes..

Intercom: Garry, since you are now in charge of our now new and creative world order, which word would you like to use to refer to the humans as, you have two options, you may refer to them as “fucks” or, as they were called in previous times “humans”.. It is your call my guy..
Garry: Humans!
Intercom: Wrong!!

The tickling escalates.

Garry: Help! Help!

The tickling escalates..

Garry: Okay!! “Fucks”.. We’ll call em “fucks”!! Oh my fu–..
Intercom: No swearing Garry..
Both Jeff and Jeremy: We got you Garry, you’re now charged with kidnapping and raping innocent you men and children.

Garry: You idiots got the wrong guy!!

The tickling resumes..

Garry: Ahhh!! Ahhh!!
Both Jeff and Jeremy: Garry, it’s what you did in your past lives..

Garry then creates his own word..

Garry: What the fuck are you talking about!? Ass-seeking-trollogy..?

Jeremy becomes sarcastic..

Jeremy: Mom, he hurt my feelings.
Garry: What the fuck!!?
Intercom: No cursing Garry! Remember..?

A magical door appears, and through the threshold arises Master Rodrigo.

Garry: What the fuck happened to you!?
Master Rodrigo: It’s time for your bath, little boy.

Warning: As the narrator, if your hypersensitive feelings become hurt, stop reading this.

Garry: You got the wrong guy!! You childish fanatical fuck!!
Master Rodrigo: No No No..
Garry: What the hell is–

Intercom: Hush up!!
Garry: They’re just words!! Not actions!! What, where, why and how the.. Did you.. Never mind, you fucking magestic narcissistic luddite devolving word officer!!
Master Rodrigo: Hey!! If it wasn’t for me!! You wouldn’t have had a place to live!
Garry: Wow..

The tickling resumes..

Garry: Listen.. Stop, just.. Fucking stop!!

The tickling stops..

Intercom: Stop blaming women for every bad choice you made!!
Master Rodrigo: Mhmmm..
Garry: Oh you are a–

The tickling resumes..

Garry: Okay!! Okay!!
Master Rodrigo: It appears that the more you torture someone, the more he’ll lie in order to, no longer be tortured.
Garry: Took yuh that long to fuckin–

Master Rodrigo opens the door, sending Garry to the sun, where he becomes instantly vaporized, while the undercover bad aliens continue onward, emotionless, unquestionably..