Oh man..,
It really pisses me off,
Right here and alone with my neurodivergence,
While thinking of her and that goofy man out living life..,
Fuck my fucking life!!
Yeah I been trying to properly let go,
Yet I been feeling to constantly fall down in deeper and deeper discouragement,
And it’s felt so hard..,
Knowing that if I act out,
I’ll most likely become blasted down more than ever before,
God dammit!!
I feel I’m out and ruining the moment while the woman I’m still obsessed with and her man are beautifully connecting and traveling the fucking world in their fucking happily ever after moments!!
FUCK!!
Others look at me and roll their eyes while they’re building their love life and the life of the parties..,
Man..,
I want to fuck that dude up so bad..,
Yet if I do I’ll just get fucked up even more..,
And yeah I know I should stop checking in to see how her seemingly far easier and more fulfilling life is doing!!
Dammit!!
No..,
I’m not in a holiday spirit,
And I feel most people who claim to be good Christians are full of shit,
Yes,
I know I have a lot to be grateful for,
Yet I’m by myself in socially awkward misery to a painful degree that I’ll never feel able to describe in words preferably..,
God dammit..,
Well,
Merry Christmas,
Happy Holidays,
Happy New Year,
I don’t have any resolutions,
Other than to become more and more of the straight up well-intentioned man I’ve always wished to be,
Instead of the usual anxious awkward guy others would wish to bully and who woman would find off and creepy..,
Sorry for my victim mentality,
And although I believe in cultivating compassion ultimately,
Well..,
Fuck her,
Fuck him,
And fuck my previous life,
And may it feel better,
Forever and ever
Zach Dana Writing 