Less Defined

(Please.. do NOT take this personally)
(Genre: Creative Writing),

Although I’m ALSO accountable to NOT bring back forms of harm that have took so long to be prevented..,

Although those who tried to “break me down” to then “build me up”,
didn’t appear to realize that they were breaking developing confidence,
While building up additional discouraging anxiety..,

Although I must NOT have the past continue weighing within me,
Although I must NOT allow..,
“Generalized Anxiety Disorder”,
“Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder”,
NOR,
“Asperger’s Syndrome”,
painfully define me..,

Although I must continue going,
after repeatedly experiencing constant social “ball busting” (and/or what I consider as bullying..),
resulting in repeated social rejections..,

Although to block out the pain and hopelessness,
I (as a result) might have succumbed to toxic impulsive behavior that resulted in digging myself deeper and deeper..,
(Such as an alcohol sword stabbing to weaken forces of social anxiety while then stabbing me with doing and saying stuff I’ll regret additionally.., and I know even though I’ve struggled repeatedly socially.., and sometimes would just.., lash out at those who I felt hurtfully defined and rejected by after feeling to be such a nice guy.. Well, yes, I still believe I’m accountable, because it’s NOT just about me and my painful history which included feeling defined and feeling more incapable..),

Well..,
Although I still try hard to NOT allow any forms and extents of forces of socially unconscious harm define myself,
I still feel so heavily defined,

So once again,
In time,
May I..,
Feel..,
Less and less painfully shut down and defined,

And when others use their less damaged and more sharply defined perceptions against me,
Oh how they’ll stab a more fixed definition in me that just sinks into my heart so painfully!!

Yet I understand that..,
ultimately,
It’s just..,
“Not all about me”..,

Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!