Although I’m fortunate to NOT be living in a war zone,
Although I’m NOT starving to death,
Although (I feel) it is true that I have a lot to appreciate,
I still want to say that;
It has frustrated me,
When people want to tell me how they feel I “don’t have it any worse”,
When I constantly appear to witness others appear as doing way better than me,
Such as socially,
in their career,
or whichever aspects of life they might appear to excel at much more fulfillingly,
It has bothered me,
Feeling to have been on the receiving end far more often of teasing,
name-calling,
ball busting,
anger expressing..,
It has bothered me feeling I’ve been so much nicer to several others than they have been towards me,
It has bothered me seeing others appear as so much more liked and appreciated than myself,
while certain others might want to simplistically tell me “everyone’s been bullied” as if I have “nothing to complain about”..,
And even though I feel it might be true that “everyone’s been bullied”,
I just find it very hard to believe that everyone’s had it to the “same” extent and that everyone was “equally” affected..,
Especially pertaining to several of those who appear to function so much more functional than how I’ve felt continually..,
It has frustrated me,
When people want to tell me that my (seemingly excessive) struggles are my own “fault”,
When they haven’t seemed to feel how it has felt to have several of the experiences I have had of which I have reacted to so strongly and which have felt to have had such a significant impact on me,
(And it just doesn’t seem to matter how much “on the spectrum” anyone is “like me” since we all have different experiences that shape us differently..),
And although I can’t totally “know” how any others are truly feeling beneath their surface appearance,
It still really frustrates me,
When others want to tell me (or imply) that I have “nothing worse”,
When the reality I frequently appear to perceive constantly appears way differently,
So I’m NOT asking anyone to “do it for me”,
I’m NOT asking anyone to “hold my hand”,
I’m NOT saying people “owe me”,
Yet it just might help,
If more felt to understand,
And since I can’t force that,
Of course,
All I can do (whether I been sufficiently keeping up with a seated meditation practice or not),
Is notice my breath and sensations pass,
as I (at least try) to develop (and/or sustain) peaceful acceptance,
of whatever I might feel to continue to experience
Zach Dana Writing 