Of course,
Any people wanting to control me,
Will want me to have “humility” by doing things their way,

They’ll want me to have “humility” by becoming exactly what they prefer,

They’ll say they “understand” while wanting me to attain the “humility” to follow their control,

They won’t directly say that..,
Yet,
It’ll probably be that..,

So yes,
I just can’t stop them from forcing their ways onto me,
So the more I accept that I can’t stop them,
Maybe the less painful resistance I’ll feel..?

Ahh..,
It’s felt hard..,
Feeling misunderstood even by several who claim to “understand”..,

Ahhh whatever..

Person #1: But you haven’t tried it!!
Person #2: I can’t just try every drug there is! I actually have to work on clearing the painful hyperreactive emotions that have led to too much drugs in the first place!
Person #1: But I’m just saying, you think you “know” everything and you’re not taking my advice!!
Person #2: People don’t stop giving me advice!! It’s all the time! I can’t keep up with it!
Person #1: Just don’t listen to them, listen to me instead!
Person #2: They say the same thing!!
Person #1: But you still don’t have to listen to them! Do what feels best for you!
Person #2: And that is choosing not to try another drug that you won’t stop suggesting constantly after I said “no”! They just give me other problems!
Person #1: But you still haven’t tried it!
Person #2: You can’t be serious..

I still remember that work supervisor I had who said it was “no surprise” that I have autism..,
I still remember all that other shit going on at the time as well..,

Well..,

Wherever I go,
There will always be another scumbag,
Who might claim a lot,
Yet who truly doesn’t understand,
Loves finding reasons to provide more and more toxic reprimands,
And who will make another job just so much harder than necessary to NOT quit..,

So since I can’t avoid and change it,
Hopefully,
In time,
I’ll become more at peace with it

Even though I’ve repeatedly tried to make this clear,
I must remember,
to NOT allow highly difficult scenarios and individuals lead me to blocking out the painful feelings through destructive behavior,

Because I’m sensitive,
I might remain as an easy target of receiving meanness from other egos who are trying to put others down to feel even a slight sense of power and “superiority”,

Because I’m sensitive,
I must continually try to PREVENT difficult people and environments from causing me to express frustration in ways that worsen my situation,
And I must NOT cope with those feelings in ways that are physically damaging and that do not teach me how to develop clear inner peaceful sharpened awareness needed for handling whatever it is in ways far more healthier for myself,

Because I’m sensitive,
I must practice witnessing the emotions that strongly react within myself,
To continually REDUCE chances of the emotions underlying any actions,
That are highly damaging and/or destructive towards myself (among whoever else I effect)

(Please don’t take this personally, thanks!),

(Aside from the fact that each post of mine is different),

So,
I don’t mean to sound aggressive,
I’m NOT trying to “call anyone out” for possibly interpreting these posts in an unintended and negative way,
Yet I just thought I’d try to make some stuff clear pertaining to these posts,
Such as that;

These posts are NOT meant to “condone” or “promote” certain actions of characters,

Yet one intention I’d say,
Is for these posts to depict resulting frustration of dealing with problematic situations and difficult people on an ongoing basis,

And/or to show a cause of frustration that can lead to problematic behavior as a result from the deep frustration of (therefore) feeling constantly forced to deal with stuff that feels very hard to deal with, including having constant internal emotional challenges in addition (and/or as a result),

These posts are NOT meant to imply what is the “right” way to handle stuff,
They’re just (intended as) a creative way to express seemingly real life experiences that certain individuals may go through,

And (for example) if I were to overexplain everything in each creative fictional post,
That would make the post so much harder to follow when reading and it’ll essentially ruin the craft,

Although several people might not understand,
That still should NOT stop me from trying to express myself in ways truest to how I feel,

And as I remind myself of,
It’s also (therefore) important to NOT waste time and energy trying to make others “understand” who just won’t (because of whichever reasons..),

Thank you for reading!!

(Genre: Short play/Dialogue Practice)

Coworker #1: He just can’t fucking manage shit!
Max: Did you tell HR?
Coworker #1: They don’t do anything. Like this lady was like “well you have to listen to him anyway” and I just kept on telling her how bad he is but she just.. ah fuck this fucking place..
Max: Think it’ll unionize?
Coworker #1: Oh hell no! I have been working here for 12 years. People don’t do shit. And if I was a manager I would have fired half the people! Like I actually know how to run shit unlike this mother fucker!
Max: Right.
Coworker #1: Yeah! Most people here don’t know what the fuck they’re doing either! And he doesn’t care! He just.. does whatever the fuck!!

Coworker #1 shakes his head..

Coworker #1: I’m just not going to keep putting up with his bullshit.. He was like “I thought you weren’t coming in today!?” and then he started cursing and everything, and I’m like “Do you want me to help you or not!?”.. like, it’s just not fucking fair towards me!!
Max: Right.
Coworker #1: Yeah and he’s just getting fucking mad at me because the truck’s not finished and I’m like “I’m the only one unloading it!”.. And on most days he shows up like two hours late.. He was literally supposed to send another truck to the Montgomery facility.
Max: That’s annoying.
Coworker #1: The guy can’t tell his ass from his fucking elbow.
Max: Yeah this company sucks..
Coworker #1: Oh pffff! Their fucking operation procedures were written by a high schooler! I am done.. I am.. Ahhh!!
Max: I feel ya.
Coworker #1: And then there’s that other fucking guy over there who walks around and doesn’t do shit!!
Max: Who, Tim..?
Coworker #1: I don’t fucking know what that idiot’s name is.. I guess..!?
Max: Yeah I mean he’s been friendly towards me.. I’ve been giving him rides home..
Coworker #1: Jesus, do you sanitize the seat!?
Max: Haha!
Coworker #1: You think it’s funny but I don’t want to have to start viewing you as similar to him!
Max: You don’t.
Coworker #1: Maybe tomorrow then?
Max: Never.
Coworker #1: Yeah okay..

Coworker #1 shakes his head and walks away.. and then Max talks to himself..

Max: Fuck this place.. Everyone’s a fucking asshole..

Max throws a package, then picks up another and throws it to the ground..

Coworker #2: What’s up baby girl!?
Max: Sup..(?).
Coworker #2: How come that’s not out of the truck..?
Max: Because I was unloading that other stuff..
Coworker #2: Or because you were being lazy?
Max: No..
Coworker #2: Let’s go baby girl, get with it!

Coworker #2 walks away..

Max punches the interior of a truck and throws another package. He eventually proceeds to unload the larger semi-trailers and works with a much older coworker.

Coworker #3: What’s up Max?
Max: I had five beers last night.
Coworker #3: Why was that?
Max: Because people make me depressed. And I’m forced to work with them.
Coworker #3: Ah ha.
Max: Yeah I’m the more sensitive type, and when people are assholes even to the slightest degree I still react to it strongly and then I drink to block out the feelings.
Coworker #3: I see.
Max: Yeah I mean I know overall this place isn’t nearly as bad as others I’ve worked at. And it’s not like I chose to be sensitive. Like no one would “choose” to be sensitive, or I guess no one would choose to get “overly” offended by stuff very easily..
Coworker #3: You take medication right?
Max: It’s “as needed” but that stuff has given me other problems. What I should be doing is meditating more because that has helped me in the past. Yet when I’ve mentioned it to others they just make fun of it.. so it’s felt harder to stick with it as a result.
Coworker #3: Right.
Max: Really what I’m trying to say is that I’m wired differently, and people might claim to “understand”, but they really don’t, and their ways of doing shit and relating towards me has made stuff feel worse so much more often than not.. I’m just so fucking done with everything..
Coworker #3: Yep, people don’t understand, that is a definite.
Max: I mean like you’re good to talk to but I’ll open up to people and at some point they’ll say something like “I’m not going to fucking baby you!” for no fucking reason..
Coworker #3: Yeah people are cruel.. They sure are.
Max: Yeah and I’m like “I’m just trying to make conversation”, I was never asking you to “hold my hand!”.
Coworker #3: Yeah people are assholes. Maybe they’re the ones who need their hand held..?
Max: Right, in those instances it’s probably a reflection of themselves.
Coworker #3: Yep.

They continue unloading the truck..

(Re-posted)

Even they disagree,
At least they accept me,

Even if they disagree,
At least they are somewhat more tolerant of someone like me,

Even if they disagree,
Even if they bust my balls repeatedly,

Even if the only reason why they include me,
is to give themselves a laugh I constantly unintentionally provide,
At least they invite me along for the ride,

Even if they’re also assholes,
Even if they also suck ass,
At least they helped me feel less alone,

I guess……….!?

Although too much drinking is a problem,
What’s also a problem,
Is constantly having a bad time,
Constantly feeling barely anyone truly understands,
Constantly feeling not liked..,

Although too much drinking is a problem,
What’s also a problem,
Is people helping make harder than necessary what is already harder than necessary,
And,
Most people constantly looking to say something nasty about others with zero consideration of what they might be experiencing..,
Or however it is..,
That they’re making not drinking (or whatever it is),
Just,
So much harder than necessary,

Although too much drinking is a problem,
What’s also a problem,
Is so-called “support” groups,
Or any form of “self-improvement” programs,
Not feeling TRULY supportive,
And not helping those attending (or enrolled) feel to TRULY be attaining the results that the group (or program) claims to offer (due to whatever dysfunctional/unfortunate reasons),

Although too much drinking is a problem,
What’s also a problem,
Is constantly NOT feeling to receive the amount of kindness I give (or feel to deserve),

Although too much drinking is a problem,
What’s also a problem,
Is feeling I act so much nicer towards (several) others than they are towards me..,
(And although I’m not perfect either..),
I don’t curse at others,
I don’t get defensive (over nothing important),
I don’t express anger and whatever else nearly as much as so many appear to have done (and continue to do) towards me..,

Although too much drinking is a problem,
What’s also a problem,
Is (most) people not realizing the harmful effects they’re truly having on me,
Even if they’re “trying to help” me,

Although too much drinking is a problem,
What’s also a problem,
Is people constantly acting mean towards each other and making them feel way worse than they would (likely) be feeling otherwise,

Although too much drinking is a problem,
What’s also a problem,
Is feeling constantly bossed around,
Is feeling like (most) people will never fairly listen nor will try to..,

Although too much drinking is a problem,
What’s also a problem,
Is when people want to force their ways of life onto others without regarding or being at all aware of the harmful effects it’s truly having (such as on those who therefore might react differently..)..,

Although too much drinking is a problem,
What’s also a problem,
Is most people making me feel worse when I turn to them for emotional support,

Although too much drinking is a problem,
What’s also a problem,
Is not having the patience to even regard or kindly listen to others express feelings that are probably causing them to drink heavily in the first place,

Although too much drinking is a problem,
What’s also a problem,
Is bullying,
Receiving death threats,
Feeling unsafe,
Feeling unable to trust others including those who say they “agree”..,

Although too much drinking is a problem,
What’s also a problem,
Is people making me so much more miserable than I already am and making me want to drink again,
And what’s also a problem,
Is of course,
Not being able to find and sustain deeper life fulfillment when sober..,

Although too much drinking is a problem,
If there was less problems,
Then that’ll make it so much easier,
To not have,
A drinking problem,

Yet although there’s a lot of problems that can lead to other problems such as a drinking problem,
I’ll keep on continuing as much as I can,
To hang in there and keep going now matter how bad the problems I continue to encounter become

Sometimes being myself is apologizing,
sometimes being myself is not always talking, sometimes being myself is failing and can appear quite embarrassing,
Sometimes being myself is not what others are expecting,

And that’s okay,
Because I function in my own way,
And what is how it is for some,
Just might not be the same for me..,

So even though I may say “I’m sorry” more than necessary,
I still don’t owe anyone an apology,
For harmlessly being myself,
The way I am,
Presently

I’d say that,
More often than not,
(For example),

People who think they treat “everyone fairly”,
Are NOT showing an awareness of human imperfections,
And that lack of awareness might indicate that they don’t know how they affect others (or they choose to ignore it),
And that the affect(s) they have on others are harmful,
Since they probably go around acting egotistic and therefore trying to put others down to try feeling “superior” because a need to express their belief that they treat “everyone fairly” or however they express a belief that they “don’t do anything wrong” might show signs of insecurity that they (also) are inclined to try compensating for at the expense of others..,

And since (I feel that) progress is infinite,
No one is “perfect” and any person who claims or somehow implies that he/she believes he/she is “perfect” is probably toxic and arrogant,

And if we feel forced to work for and/or remain around however many people that are like this,
Well,
I guess(?) we can keep noticing our breath and inner sensations as we practice accepting what we can’t instantly change with the hope of working towards a more fulfilling life which includes trying to avoid (as much as possible) the many inconsiderate scumbags that are spread throughout this planet,

And even when it feels hard,
Of course,
We can still keep at it