I feel that;

If more people were nicer,
That’ll make not drinking easier,

If less people were on edge,
And if more people were easier to be around,
That’ll make not drinking,
A whole lot easier,

If people were more inclusive,
More supportive,
More welcoming,
That’ll make it so much easier,
To reduce heavy drinking,

If deep feelings were more deeply regarded,
If people’s feedback was less mean-spirited and more kind and helpful as for how to truly feel and function better and better,
That’ll make not drinking,
Or just doing it less,
So much easier,

If there was better team spirit,
Deeper connecting and less talking shit,
That’ll make heavy drinking,
So much easier to quit,

If there was less intense painful emotions,
(That I may rely on any (harmful) amount of alcohol (or whichever harmful amount and frequency of any lucrative recreational and/or psychiatric prescription drug(s)) for instantly blocking out those intense feelings..),
Then yes..,
Drinking far less,
Would feel way easier,

If more people become LESS dismissive when I share my feelings,
I would instead feel less painfully alone with how I feel,
Resulting in feeling less of a need to block out as much (emotional) pain through a certain level of alcohol consumption..,

Yet as several appear to say,
Since I “can’t pave the world leather”,
I can (at least try to) notice my breath and changing frequencies of inner emotional/physical reactions and/or (whichever) internal sensations continue to manifest and pass without trying to push those feelings down causing them to painfully build causing me to become more susceptible to drinking (to instantly (temporarily) block the painful emotions out in the only way I might feel able to) as a result..,
So instead,
I can breathe,
Notice and (hopefully) develop more and longer lasting peaceful acceptance,
With the hope of it feeling easier through practice,

Including,
Drinking less,
and less

Even when it is highly unnecessary..,
People will still get defensive,
Lecture,
Go on some form of power trip to (at least temporarily) try feeling better about themselves that they might excuse as “constructive criticism” (for example),

I can’t stop (whichever) others from basing their firmly established viewpoints on extremely limited personal experiences,
I can’t stop others from viewing the world as nothing more than “good versus evil” as in several types of action movies and TV shows they might be used to watching,
I can’t have others open up to the possibility of any forms of deeper understanding that just might (also) help make life feel far more worth experiencing,
?
And of course I can remind myself more of what I could also instead be practicing,

I can’t stop people from spreading misinformation that they might heavily regard as “The Facts”,

Even if people have good intentions and good spirit,
I can’t stop them from using it in ways that are misguided and that cause more harm than good,

Even if people know there’s something wrong,
I can’t stop them from brutally misunderstanding the situation and then blaming large amounts of innocent people,

Yet whatever it is,
Since I can’t stop them,
And as I often feel a need to remind myself,
I can just notice and (hopefully) develop inner peaceful acceptance,
As whatever internal feelings manifest and pass,

And of course,
When stuff “doesn’t feel worth it”,
As always,
I plan to keep sticking with it,
And hopefully developing and sustaining more and more,
Of an inner,
Peaceful Warrior Spirit

I don’t feel that most people are “too nice”,
especially since I feel that most don’t like me..
and/or won’t eventually,

and I do feel that the people who others might say are “nicer than they should be”,
are (also) a lot nicer towards others than myself.. unfortunately..

Yet since I can’t change the reality,
I can still remind myself,
To notice and (hopefully) develop acceptance,
Of any feelings that happen to pass through me

(Genre: Short Dialogue Practice)

Person #1: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it.
Person #2: I’m not being mean!!
Person #1: But you are..
Person #2: I’m trying to help you, yet it’s not my problem that you’re interpreting it in a bad way!
Person #1: Well you’re not helping this conversation go in a better direction either!
Person #2: Neither are you!
Person #1: Well I’m trying to speak my mind! You want me to be honest right!?
Person #2: It doesn’t mean I’ll agree.
Person #1: And it doesn’t mean you have to be a dickhead either.
Person #2: I’m not!
Person #1: You are!
Person #2: No!
Person #1: You don’t understand, and you’re not going to understand, so as you tell me to “avoid toxic people”, I will now start by avoiding you. So have a nice life, you scumbag ass fuck!!

Even if anyone wishes to tell me that I “shouldn’t” be feeling a certain way,
Essentially,
I can’t INSTANTLY change how I feel,
Yet if how I feel has felt to be harmful for me,
I must take a deep look at that,
and see what I can do to (increase chances of) feeling and functioning more fulfillingly,

Which consists of far more clear and critical awareness and understanding,
than simplistically indicating however I “should” or “should not” be feeling

Although I’m fortunate to NOT be living in a war zone,
Although I’m NOT starving to death,
Although (I feel) it is true that I have a lot to appreciate,
I still want to say that;

It has frustrated me,
When people want to tell me how they feel I “don’t have it any worse”,
When I constantly appear to witness others appear as doing way better than me,
Such as socially,
in their career,
or whichever aspects of life they might appear to excel at much more fulfillingly,

It has bothered me,
Feeling to have been on the receiving end far more often of teasing,
name-calling,
ball busting,
anger expressing..,

It has bothered me feeling I’ve been so much nicer to several others than they have been towards me,

It has bothered me seeing others appear as so much more liked and appreciated than myself,
while certain others might want to simplistically tell me “everyone’s been bullied” as if I have “nothing to complain about”..,

And even though I feel it might be true that “everyone’s been bullied”,
I just find it very hard to believe that everyone’s had it to the “same” extent and that everyone was “equally” affected..,
Especially pertaining to several of those who appear to function so much more functional than how I’ve felt continually..,

It has frustrated me,
When people want to tell me that my (seemingly excessive) struggles are my own “fault”,
When they haven’t seemed to feel how it has felt to have several of the experiences I have had of which I have reacted to so strongly and which have felt to have had such a significant impact on me,

(And it just doesn’t seem to matter how much “on the spectrum” anyone is “like me” since we all have different experiences that shape us differently..),

And although I can’t totally “know” how any others are truly feeling beneath their surface appearance,
It still really frustrates me,
When others want to tell me (or imply) that I have “nothing worse”,
When the reality I frequently appear to perceive constantly appears way differently,

So I’m NOT asking anyone to “do it for me”,
I’m NOT asking anyone to “hold my hand”,
I’m NOT saying people “owe me”,
Yet it just might help,
If more felt to understand,
And since I can’t force that,
Of course,
All I can do (whether I been sufficiently keeping up with a seated meditation practice or not),
Is notice my breath and sensations pass,
as I (at least try) to develop (and/or sustain) peaceful acceptance,
of whatever I might feel to continue to experience

Yelling at me to “get over it” doesn’t help me “get over it” yet instead (more likely) makes me feel worse for feeling as significantly affected by it..

so I can instead practice noticing my breath while trying to develop inner peaceful acceptance of whichever physical/emotional sensations pass INSTEAD of seeking support from those who make me feel worse..

(Genre: Dialogue Practice/Short Play)

Person #1: You’re welcome.
Person #2: Don’t get sarcastic.
Person #1: You didn’t say “thank you”.
Person #2: I thought you said I “don’t have to thank you”!?
Person #1: Well now you should have.
Person #2: You get pissed at me almost whenever I say or don’t say anything.
Person #1: Get out!
Person #2: That’s already what I’m doing you ass!

Person #2 slams the door.. As he walks to his mom’s car through town he starts yelling..

Person #2: I want some fucking respect!!

A group of teenagers notice..

Teenager #1: Yo it’s a public freakout!
Teenager #2: Shh! Shh! I’m filming it!

Teenager #2 holds up his iPhone..

Person #2: I want some fucking respect!!

Teenager #3: We respect you!!
Teenager #1: Bahahahah!!
Person #2: You wanna get sarcastic with me huh? Had that shit my whole fucking life!!
Teenager #1: Yo this dude’s crazy!!

Person #2 slaps Teenager #3 who then runs away while his friends follow..

Teenager #2: Oh shit I got it on camera!! Oh shit!!

Another person calls the police to report Person #2’s unhinged behavior, causing him to get arrested, sent to jail, then eventually forced medication..

A lot of people who claim to “treat everyone fairly” I have NOT felt treated me fairly because of how much more often they have appeared to hurtfully lash out at me,

instead of acknowledging how much more I may struggle..,
they’ll curse at me,
throw their hands up in the air and walk away,
get pissed off at me repeatedly for being anxious and less confident,
Oh how I can go on and on as I constantly have about it..,

And even if they claim to “understand”,
They still (most probably) did NOT feel how it has felt,
to react the same way to the unique experiences that I have felt to deeply experience..

Even if I’m constantly failing to continue to practice meditating (for example),
I still just have to remind myself to notice my breath and intense internal emotional sensations because when I tell most people about how I feel to be excessively struggling,
Many people just..,
“Don’t want to hear it”,

Many people might also just criticize me for it in ways that make me feel even worse,
Many people might just ignore it,
Some might have a lot to say that truly never helps me with any of it,
Yet several will somehow make me feel to believe that they just truly “don’t give a fuck”..,

And regardless of however “perfectly” accurate my perceptions truly are,
That’s just often how I feel to perceive it,

And (aside from small amounts of people who may seem to care..),
Essentially,
since I can’t make others want to hear it,
Since I can’t change others by making them help me feel more supported,
I can still remind myself,
To notice my breath and intense emotions as they pass,
To increase chances of me remaining centered,
And at least somewhat aware and somewhat functional,
And of course,
To waste less and less energy by trying to rely on more of those who truly want me to always “shut the fuck up”,

So whenever often feeling (inevitably) instantly negatively judged and ignored after opening up to others,
Really just to make conversation..
Not to ask them to “hold my hand through life”,
Yet just to sometimes share how I feel that cause many of them to somehow make it clear that they just “don’t want to hear it”..,
Can also add to a difficult emotion that I can also notice pass within myself as I witness my breath and inner emotional sensations,

Therefore,
I must continue reminding myself to focus on that,
Instead of opening up to more and more people,
Who truly just,
“Don’t want to hear it”