Speaking for myself,

The more I worry about helping others,

The less time I actually spend helping others

Yes..,
I need to balance empathy with my own nourishment,

It’s no joke that,
In my opinion,
Too much empathy,
Will make me so sad to the point of burdening others..,

I’ll just remain crying and crying while not realizing the empathetic distraction I’m creating..,
I agree it’s hard to hear,
I certainly do..,

Yep..,
It’s uh..,
It’s kinda complicated right..?
Yep..,

I’m now becoming even more repetitive,
And IF I become so repetitive to the point of NOT realizing how I’m accidentally screwing everything up..,
Then..,
Where will be the.. umm.. you know what(?) never mind,
I’ll stop,

Because if (here comes a figure of speech)..,
I’ll start again..,

Okay so,
Because if I paddle into a whirlpool of empathy,
I might accidentally suck others down who are counting on me to fulfill my work-related tasks in a way that’s mutually fair..,
So as for trying to connect other figures of speech..,
Although balance is important,
Essentially,
If I spiral too deeply into empathy,
I’ll reduce chances of swimming back up to the surface of self-nourishment..,

Whatever..,
I apologize if reading this was another distraction..,
Love you all,
We’ll hang in there,

Inhale..,
and then the exhale

(Genre: I guess a “poem”..(?))

I would like to ask that,
for example;
To whichever form and degree,
could trying to have someone believe that he is “crazy” when he is truly NOT,
occur accidentally?

In other words,
Could gaslighting happen unintentionally among those with similar competing survival needs..(?),
Such as one worker accusing another worker of “gaslighting” others,
in order to have the others fire the first worker who is collectively accused of “gaslighting” everyone involved in the organization..!?

I also don’t understand (any of) the reasons why people act in ways they do when they’re desperate..,
while my perceptions tell me that they’re “not”..,

Whatever..,
I guess..!?
And I guess that if this tells me anything,
it’s to be more grateful,
I guess..?

Pertaining to myself among whoever else..(?),

I guess that..(?),
In whichever form(s) and to whichever extent(s),
Dangerous impulses,
Always try to justify the pain they cause,

So essentially (I would guess that..(?)),
Regardless of how high someone scores on any number of tests,
Only that person can keep an eye on how he makes others feel

(Genre: Creative Writing/Being Expressive..(?))

Attempt #1: For example; The LESS someone receives invites, the MORE selfish that individual becomes because the MORE time they’re forced to spend by themselves.. like how much more obvious can that become!!? Or I guess..(?), if that individual is helping others ONLY to peer pressure those he helped to have (however many of) them pay him back later, then that’s also selfish.., and.., if parents have a child for the single purpose of the child to take care of the parents (or one of the parents) when either parent becomes older, then that’s selfish.. so I guess that it seems that in some way, it is impossible to not be at least somewhat selfish..!? Right..!?

Attempt #2: To any form and extent, how can what was said when heavily under the influence of alcohol, reflect what someone truly “means”, if that person is killing brain cells in the act..!? HOW!!? If emotions are subordinate to cognitive intelligence, then would it be ethical to judge someone based on what that individual said when heavily under the influence of alcohol? Assuming that the individual did NOT emotionally ACT on what he said (for example)..!? I don’t understand.., and if any of you truly want to help me, then please regard the larger context of what I am trying to say, because I do NOT intend harm to any individuals and I do NOT intend harm to any groups of people.. and if you understand, thanks!!

Attempt #3: IF, you are UNable to prove that I did anything WRONG, please do NOT attack me!! How much more clear can these requests be!!?

Attempt #4: I really feel that I don’t know as much of what is fair for me to understand, because I still spend too much time worrying while trying to get my self-sustaining needs together.. I don’t think anyone truly understands how hard it has felt while trying to build any forms of pain tolerance.. which is why I don’t trust any of those who want to punish me for what they can NOT even prove.., so what is the true state of the world..? What is it..!? Is it dangerous unconsciously growing forces of impulses that are hurting more and more sentient beings..? Does excessively lacking ability to alleviate sources of pain cause the pain to increase within itself and then erupt onto others..(?)

Attempt #5: How can others with more developed impulses safely and ethically help those who struggle more..(?).. How..!? Okay.. I’m done writing.. at least for now..

(Please.. do NOT take this personally)
(Genre: Creative Writing),

Although I’m ALSO accountable to NOT bring back forms of harm that have took so long to be prevented..,

Although those who tried to “break me down” to then “build me up”,
didn’t appear to realize that they were breaking developing confidence,
While building up additional discouraging anxiety..,

Although I must NOT have the past continue weighing within me,
Although I must NOT allow..,
“Generalized Anxiety Disorder”,
“Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder”,
NOR,
“Asperger’s Syndrome”,
painfully define me..,

Although I must continue going,
after repeatedly experiencing constant social “ball busting” (and/or what I consider as bullying..),
resulting in repeated social rejections..,

Although to block out the pain and hopelessness,
I (as a result) might have succumbed to toxic impulsive behavior that resulted in digging myself deeper and deeper..,
(Such as an alcohol sword stabbing to weaken forces of social anxiety while then stabbing me with doing and saying stuff I’ll regret additionally.., and I know even though I’ve struggled repeatedly socially.., and sometimes would just.., lash out at those who I felt hurtfully defined and rejected by after feeling to be such a nice guy.. Well, yes, I still believe I’m accountable, because it’s NOT just about me and my painful history which included feeling defined and feeling more incapable..),

Well..,
Although I still try hard to NOT allow any forms and extents of forces of socially unconscious harm define myself,
I still feel so heavily defined,

So once again,
In time,
May I..,
Feel..,
Less and less painfully shut down and defined,

And when others use their less damaged and more sharply defined perceptions against me,
Oh how they’ll stab a more fixed definition in me that just sinks into my heart so painfully!!

Yet I understand that..,
ultimately,
It’s just..,
“Not all about me”..,

Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Of course if other egos racing along a similar track sense that I easily emotionally react..,
Of course they’ll therefore try to hurtfully provoke me off track,
Maybe others (working for others) will try to convince those who care for me to buy the “help” they claim to offer..?
Maybe they’ll keep calling back as they talk about me in the third person..?

“But you’re saying he’s been doing this for years right? We’re offering to help him”..,

Oh sure..,
Sure.. sure.. sure..,

Welp..,
As for how in control of my emotions I am,
They just might utilize,
To push me off track to the point of me laying there,
Dying..,

I often assume there to be just..,
so much hierarchical lying..,

Man..,
Why won’t more sentient individuals use their more powerful perceptions for good!!?
I mean like ya it’s “the ego” but just..,
Come on man!!

Like instead of sharpening perceptions to help heal their own and others emotionally debilitating trauma,
It’s to additionally stab others..,

Just lend a freakin hand!!

Right..?

Ahh of course I can’t change others,
So may I remember that,
Because (in this case) the more I spend time trying to fix what pretends to be dangerous,
The more far back I remain on a more viable track..

Sometimes I’ve felt forced in certain environments,
Among seemingly mysterious yet possibly highly dangerous situations,

So if financial survival needs force me to work among others,
Who have situations out of their control,
Which include others who are dangerously out OF control (because (for example) of whatever environmentally/socially conditioned reasons)..,

It just might be harder for myself,
To fulfill what a powerful organized authority requires,
While already having so much attention deficit hyperactivity of which I’m still struggling to slow down,
In addition to still struggling with reducing generalized anxiety,
In addition to letting go of also being labeled as having “Asperger’s Syndrome”..,

And although if another feels however much the same and/or similar conditions are a “blessing”,
May that person also realize that (as in my belief) we pass through different environments with unique experiences that,
(To whichever ongoing form(s) and extent(s)..),
Affect our internal awareness that externally manifests as choices (and/or decisions),
Of which (for example) can become heavily publicly displayed as changing and rearranging personal records,
which forces of civilized judgment will be forced to continue to receive and handle as they see as necessary,
As we continue to pass through this physical sentient life form,
(Which is in my presently held opinion..),
Inseparable from all other forms,

And no matter how hopeless it all truly is,
I guess(?) it can still recreate for the better,
As for everyone involved on whichever perpetual,
forcing,
giving and receiving ends

In my presently held perceptions..,
if I’m perceiving them properly..(!?),
I would like to say that;
Regardless of whatever conscious and/or unconscious reasons (within whichever form(s) and/or degree(s)),

The MORE that emotions externally react,
in order to distract,
the MORE that practical technological logic (of those operating and/or however managing the technology) decreases,
because (as I would guess..(?)),
overly intense feelings prevent (those such as) myself from focusing..,

so (therefore) if someone threatens to hurt me (while on the job surrounded by large forces of elaborate machinery),
it just might be harder..,
to sustain the internal peaceful safety awareness,
required for myself among all else,
to continue,
with the safe ongoing elaborate sentient survival technological advancing process..,
right..!?

So essentially,
Making threats that don’t sound as a “joke” sounds,
Might make it dangerously harder to remain focused in an already dangerous work environment,
So at some point,
I’m going to need to stop receiving another’s anger displacement that he may consider as a “joke” because sometimes it just doesn’t sound that way..,

So if someone says he’ll “bring in an ‘AK-47’ tomorrow”,
I will therefore tell management,
Try to contact the “Human Resources” department,
To..,
Once again..,
Try to find a safer,
More fair and deserving work environment

(To whoever reads this..),

Okay so.. do all those who try to do the right thing have “ulterior” motives..!? Well.., I guess that depends.. right..? I don’t understand, is it who can provoke everyone the longest in order to extract a reaction out of.. whoever that is..? I’m confused, and it’s my “fault” right..? I don’t know.. (I guess zero punctuation needed..(?)).. nevermind.. Yep, just.. CONTROL YOURSELF.. it’s like if I’m constantly nitpicking others imperfections.. in order to count up all these reasons to torture another, then it’s understandable that I’d be in trouble.. Well.., if others had it worse than me.. and if I didn’t see that.. well.. I’m sorry to all for using YouTube to feed my own narcissism, all those juggling videos.. yep, what was I thinking..(!?), no wonder I got cut from baseball.. and now.. I’m rambling about a bunch of stuff that reduces down to my own ego.. just.. stay safe from liars.. I don’t know.. I don’t.. and to whoever is reading this, I’m sorry