(Genre: Brief Dialogue and Narration.. I guess..(?))

Person #1: Man.. I’m just playin with you.
Person #2: Well if you’re always “just playin” with me then I’ll lose touch with what I seriously need to focus on.
Person #1: Dude.. you’re all talk.. what do you even focus on that’s “that serious” anyway?
Person #2: I write stuff.
Person #1: You mean you type it on your little iPhone?
Person #2: Same shit.
Person #1: No!
Person #2: Yes! I try to share and revise what I see as helpful true realizations.
Person #1: You mean you try to show off your fancy word usage that boils down to a bunch of bullshit.
Person #2: They’re largely ideas of mine that I wish to somehow have preserved in order to help people!
Person #1: Man, people can feel shit out. They don’t gotta read your dumbass blog for anything.
Person #2: Yeah well at least I’m tryna exercise my awareness by putting stuff into symbols such as letters and words that’ll hopefully help provide ethical organized guidance!!
Person #1: For who!?
Person #2: For anyone who can understand English in addition to whatever else.
Person #1: Not everyone speaks English!
Person #2: Did I imply that!?
Person #1: No but I’m just saying..
Person #2: Saying what?
Person #1: That your “work” doesn’t help everyone.
Person #2: There’s interpreters, translators..
Person #1: But it’s not all about you!
Person #2: That’s why I said I want what I write preserved for others!
Person #1: So they can admire your ego?
Person #2: So they can help themselves!
Person #1: Sure..
Person #2: Let’s just stop talking.. This conversation isn’t going anywhere helpful.
Person #1: Because of you.
Person #2: Dude.. literally.. just.. shut your mouth.

Person #1 then knocks Person #2 out after Person #1 decides to walk away.

Is it fair for me,
To try helping save those who I know nothing about,
While remaining powerless in the face of the powerful authority oppressing them..?

Am I allowed to peacefully live while trying to save those being oppressed?
Or must I “die” for what I “believe” in?

Of course I believe in free opportunity for development of freely expanding ethical intelligence,
Yet if and when I may once again try to help others,
I just hope to remain safe from pointless dramatic paths to nowhere (such as ones that lead to increased painful nothingness..),

And to throw it out there,
For me,
Experiencing more and/or a deeper degree of the same (or any) types of pain,
Has NOT helped me increase a pain tolerance as for whatever that may pertain to..,

Essentially,
A large part of me feels a need to repeat,
Emphasize and/or remind for myself and/or whoever of my present belief that,
More of the same pain has NOT felt to guarantee an improved spirit that can tolerate more of the same pain..,

If and when I encounter more pain,
Will I clearly learn from it..?
Or..?
Will I become painfully lost,
deeply within it..?

Yet as usual,
I keep wondering,
What is truly worth giving,
And avoiding,
And worth deeply addressing

?

No matter how clear I feel to understand advice and insight,
The more that I lose sight,
of what I learned within intense focusing,
(Therefore),
The less likely it’ll help with anything I’m doing,

(Although I believe that being hard-working and a kind and considerate person are NOT mutually exclusive..),
The more I become distracted from kindness,
In excessive highly focused hard work seriousness,
The more likely I’ll spiral into selfish careless madness,

For example,
The more I dislike what I’m doing,
And the more I fixate on thinking of how stuff has felt, feels and/or the more I expect the present moment to remain feeling unfair for me,
The more likely that forces of anger and jealousy may cause my behavior to make stuff even worse,

(Speaking in my present belief(s)..),
No matter how far painfully down we might have sunk,
Instead of seeking to “fuck” others “up”,
How can we pull the inseparable spirit of ourselves and others up..?

In other words,
Instead of seeking to bring others down to our deeply miserable depths,
How can we help ourselves and others rise up to a less pointlessly excessively internally painful surface..?

I feel that;
The more that it’s only my mind that understands any form and/or “profound” degree of thoughts, realizations and/or insights,
The more my emotions will still navigate my behavior,
Because (for example) thoughts in my mind do NOT feel to be strong forces of volatile emotional irrationality that may pass through me (and/or whoever) aside from whichever emotional frequencies,
Which (for example) may underlie my actions far more powerfully than any form and degree of elaborate insightful thinking (which therefore may have zero power over internal emotional irrational forces that may likely result in dangerous unconscious actions towards oneself and/or others (unless consciously healed (of course))),

For example,
Or I guess(?) in a simplified “nutshell”,
If I’m having a storm of volatile emotions,
Additional thinking,
Will likely help with nothing,

The less I know how to put into practice,
True safe sensory/emotional internal peaceful regulation development,
The more likely my emotions will make me unconscious of my actions,
Therefore (in this case) the more likely my dysregulated emotions will control my actions before I have any time to more clearly have a look at the outcomes (and/or brutal consequences) of any decision(s),
Social encounters then personal reactions (for example),

Sometimes internal emotional weather in reaction to how I interpret my external experiences,
Feels to change in frequency painfully (such as from intense anger to intense paranoia and/or crippling anxiety),

And other times,
I resist less,
Have more acceptance,
And as a result,
Experience longer lasting internal peacefulness,

I try to remember to witness my inhale and exhalations in addition to any inseparable internal sensations,
So I can (hopefully) INCREASE chances of REDUCING (or clearing) internal emotional accumulated painful weight (in response to unfortunate past experiences),
While therefore (for example) REDUCING chances of reacting to other sentient humans struggling with emotions (in whichever forms and degrees),
In order to reduce chances,
Of creating even more painful experiences caused by our behavior,
being mutually navigated,
by accumulated anger that immensely distracts our sufficient empathetic capability,
Required for understanding each other kindly,

I just wish for,
Clearer,
More peacefully inhabitable,
Overall,
Emotional weather,
That is more and more readily accessible,
With less and less painful side effects,

And even if this is all far easier said,
Well,
May more of us feel less painfully lost in our head,

May more of us feel less sensory overloaded,
Less painfully emotionally reactive,
and instead,
more regulated,

And (for example) no matter how horrific the reality is,
Well,
I guess we can still find more peaceful acceptance of whatever horrific avoidable bullshit we just may happen to encounter..?

And (in my present belief) regardless of how stuff appears and/or feels to be externally,
May we remember the possibility,
That,
At some point,
we just may,
encounter,
more clear,
blissful,
peaceful,
internal weather

(Genre: Dialogue)

Internal question: I sometimes wonder if being called certain terms that remind me of when I was far less developed distract me from accessing the internal needed confidence for greater capability..?

Internal Critic of Convenient Simplicity: And I wonder if you’re narcissistic!!?

Internal question: What do all these symbols mean?

Internal Critic of Convenient Simplicity: That you can’t stay focused.

Internal question: But what if I always question?

Internal Critic of Convenient Simplicity: Then nothing will get done IF and only IF the questions are asked during times when they’re most truly needed.

Internal question: But how do we know when they’re truly most needed?

Internal Critic of Convenient Simplicity: Huhhhhh!!

Internal question: Seriously! How do we know when questions of truth are most truly needed when truth expands in infinite forms, degrees and directions!!?

Internal Critic of Convenient Simplicity: It depends on how you define truth in whichever time, location, period of your life!! Man!! Just stop!!

Internal question: Why?

Internal Critic of Convenient Simplicity: You know what!? I’m out!!

Internal question: Where to?

Internal Critic of Convenient Simplicity: Shut up.

?

I fear that;
For example;
The more that ethical capability spirals down deeper and deeper into a whirlpool of behavioral labeling discouragement,
Which happens to result in more abusive treatment INSTEAD of helpful accommodation(s),
causing more pain to be experienced,
unless development of increasing acceptance and therefore tolerance of pain increases,

And as of now,
Are “spectrums” helping us join together or are they categorizing us apart..?

I feel it can often be like;
“Are we proceeding forward or regressing back to a painful start..?”
I don’t know and don’t know who does..?
Like.. Hello..?

For better or worse,
In whichever forms and/or degrees,
Isn’t all the bullshit and what can be learned how to prevent a recurring current of it,
Infinite,

So..,
I also feel a need to ask myself,
“What am I doing to mitigate the fucking up bullshit?”

Yep,
I guess sometimes that’s how I perceive it..?

My present perceptions appear to presently want to share that,
if I’m explaining myself correctly that I feel that for example;
Teachers teach (or demonstrate) more than subjects,
they embody morals,
independent livelihood(s)..,
(For however much better and/or worse..),

So (in my present belief) IF a student happens to be more knowledgeable than his/her/their teacher,
That does not mean that the student is more equipped for helping themselves NOR others with foundational,
emotionally aware survival skills,
To help guide others through a changing planet (however much “man made” and/or “not”) to a place of less uncomfortable weirdness and less dramatic bullshit (for example),

and..,
once again (and as usual in my presently held opinion),
everyone can be labeled as on a “spectrum” while being more similar to those NOT on the same labeled “part” of the same “spectrum”,

And of course,
I presently believe that,
For example;
Those on the same labeled part of the same labeled spectrum can be far more DIFFERENT among each other,
as compared to those not labeled on any spectrum BECAUSE our emotional and sensory behavioral characteristics react,
develop and/or change over time in response to our sentient social and/or geographical environment(s),
(For example),

And for example,
Although I may have autism,
In many ways I just might have developed significantly differently,
while manifesting as presently,
A very different person,
Than another labeled and/or “self-proclaimed” autistic individual such as Temple Grandin,

Now..,
I don’t mean to talk shit,
it’s just,
as for having however many similar and/or different labeled spectrums..,

I (of course) feel to presently believe that;
we’re all different..,
and I often feel I just need to repeat that,
because when it comes down to it,
forces of judgment,
just feel to want to keep grouping me,
in some simplified group in order to reduce energy by thinking less..,

So how do all these labels impact our (as I’d say),
Perpetually changing awareness..?

Now,
yes,
I presently feel that support services in school have helped me deeply,
I presently believe that too much thinking does not always lead to clearer ethically organized understanding NOR guarantees empathetic behavioral enforcing..,
yet,
I just do NOT want humans to brutally antagonize others by feeling they’re “superior” to others,

And NO,
I’m NOT saying that Temple Grandin,
nor some random person with a name such as Landin,
Edwin,
And/or whichever sentient human is “like this” NOR is “doing this”,
so I guess this (as many appear to say) “boils down to”,
once again..,
inclusively welcoming our differences,
while trying to live for what we believe in,
while REDUCING chances of internally felt and externally manifested civilized intentions shattering apart,
from tribal division that rises out,
from a feeling of egotistic superiority,
that’s held to whichever form and degree individually and/or collectively,

Therefore,
May we learn (or at least try) to deal with anybody,

And yes I feel to understand..,
That there’s many I also just can’t stand,

And even if others wish to drag me under to nowhere,
I still feel I can access the moral courage to,
(In the most mutually fair way I see as fit),
Lend a hand,
So healing and growing can (as I hope),
Continually stand,
And,
Thanks for reading,
And,
I hope this therefore felt at least somewhat helpful, Which I try to keep as my usual writing intentions regardless of any infinite forms and/or degrees of the reader’s interpretations,

(Source/Creative Citation; Feelings/personal interpretations pertaining to pages 3 – 64 (more specifically, pages 4, 61 – 64 (I guess?)) of Dr. Temple Grandin’s 5th edition of her book; “The Way I See It”, Forwarded by Dr. Tony Attwood, Published by; Future Horizons inc., Year originally Published; 2008, and the 5th edition appears to have been revised in 2015 if what I’m typing here makes logical comprehensible sense..(?)),

Thanks again!

So-called “Delusional” person thinking to himself: The more we give up our forces of expectational pressure of our ego, the more we can keep going while more deeply realigning with our deeper inseparable sentient beingness intertwined of infinite forms and degrees of solid and space..

Officer: Is everything okay?

Delusional person talking to himself while walking on a sidewalk: Confuse of abuse, Who the fucking “duse”..?

Another mental dialogue reaction of sourceless language: Please communicate what you’re trying to tell me,
Before unconsciously reacting surfacely violently, or am I paranoid falsely..?
What will any multi-identified elaborately powerfully collective sentient groups assume about me..?
Huhh..,
Hypothetically speaking..,
Regardless of however often and more excessive obsessive compulsive disclaimers,
I fear that,
If the more I become lost in scattered unorganized thinking,
The more likely I’ll disenfranchise myself and the more likely I’ll become desperate for resources through brutal means,
No..,
Once again,
This is an imaginary action that I NEVER plan to act on.. I just frequently worry..,

Speaking for myself,
It appears,
Forces of drama,
Gossip,
And whatever words I’m “not allowed to say that others are ‘allowed’ to express feelings of belonging with”,
Can give highly manipulative and exclusively judgmental individuals,
Delusional reasons that others will easily believe,
Who I hope will NOT pointlessly add pain towards me that teaches me nothing,

I additionally feel I;
Just have not been conditioned within myself along a socially expected “typical” way,
And I know,
Who is really “typical” in a land of infinitely complex forms and degrees of personally historic identities and (as I presently believe) inseparable from infinite degrees and forms (to whichever degree solid and/or space) of life energy..?

I do NOT understand either,
When I feel constantly surrounded by screens,
What does body language truly mean..?

Are infinite forms and degrees,
of present abilities,
of trustworthy individuals,
meant to certify others,
going down or up..?

Although a large part of me feels I messed up,
Still,
A deeper part of me,
Feels that there was more underlying influential forces navigating my choices infinitely mysteriously internally and externally before the forced judgmental time of making a decision would feel to arrive..,

And I feel I am sufficiently aware that,
It’s fair to share my present conjecture that:
The more I excessively try to type,
Handwrite and/or whatever,
That comes from how my present perceptions view my accumulated lived experiences,
Others may gravitate away from me,
Because in my belief,
Peaceful social gravitation,
Is just not only about trying to orbit to shelter over any single horizon,
So may we reduce selfish,
Heating up emissions,
To the best of our readily presently available capability,
And if I have failed repeatedly,
I ask for others,
To forgive me,
For being UNconsciously irritatingly sensitive,
And hard to comfortably suit within,
This inseparable sentient system I perceive myself to presently manifest in.. (yes.. in my presently held opinion),

I feel a need to ask the question that;
If the more we feel that “action speaks louder”,
then will the more our ability to communicate,
through empathetically getting to more deeply know each other,
reduce?

Must people feel a need to tell me they “work hard” to reduce chances of me criticizing them NOR mentioning to them how life can be inevitably NOT perfectly robotically fair?

Would certain individuals,
harmfully, continually, intransigently,
impatiently, dismissively,
exclaim in whichever form and/or degree (however much implicitly or directly),
By emanating some energy field along the lines of;
“Get used to it!!”..?

And unfortunately,
I worry I’ll continue to not clearly trust several who are truly trustworthy,
Resulting in,
Increasing negative assumptions of those I have not yet met,
The more I fail to let go of accumulated feelings of past experiences of helpless,
damaging criticism,

And regardless of how much I “am”,
To continue trying to move forward,
I am,
trying,
to view myself among all I see myself as a part of,
With LESS forces of,
capability impinging toxic victim mentality,

And that,
is mostly,
what my present perceptions appear,
to be presently telling me,

I feel we can keep trying,
And as always,
Thanks for reading!

(Genre: Imagination), Teacher: Metaphors must bridge the gap between what an individual can directly relate to in the real world while implying something else in order for them to sound relatable, for example, if someone knows what tools in a shed are, they’ll probably feel offended if some arrogant impulsive individual calls them the “dumbest tool in the shed”, and of course if that person calls them the “sharpest” tool in the shed, that may delight them with a feeling of “sharpened” awareness depending on the tone. Students: We don’t get it!!? Executive Administrator: Can you please be more specific. Teacher: Look, I’m obligated to guide them towards truth, they drive me crazy, so then, I turn to you for answers! Administrator: I don’t have any either. Teacher: Because all you have to do is find what you presently believe within yourself as opposed to what others tell you. Executive Administrator: Please be quiet. Teacher: Wow.. Executive Administrator: Get out!! Teacher: Well if the collectives of these students get an unconscious adrenaline rush of psychopathic murderous team spirit I know you will not do anything to protect me from it!! Ahhh!! Executive Administrator: Leave! Teacher: Very professional.. Executive Administrator: Security!! Teacher: Of course.. The security team arrests the administrator for working with higher administrative officials working to deprive teachers of basic human rights benefits. Yes, I find it sad. Then, the administrator starts anxiously talking to himself. Executive Administrator: Huh!! Huh!! Oh my gosh!! Huhh!! Huhh!! I hope our infrastructure remains intact! Because I don’t know where to find the rocks to make fire, nor do I understand how to chemically piece together the essentials to make electricity!! Shit!! I need a vacation to remember this stuff!! The teacher returns.. Teacher: That’s right! We all need more internal foundational stress reduction practices free from side-effects that worsen NOR improve our future state of being! Executive Administrator: Stop!! Teacher: Oh yes, it’s rough, lots to juggle.., no pun intended, we must regain foundational internal peaceful inclusive welcoming survival foundational focus to keep ethical and civilized order intact!! Executive Administrator: Yes!! Teacher: Remember to inhale, exhale, and just let your tension settle without trying to block it out since it’s a current with more strength. Executive Administrator: Ohh cool “letting it flow” now will you just get out!!? Teacher: You need to chill man. Executive Administrator: Ahhh!! Teacher: It’ll be alright. The administrator makes a phone call. Administrator: He needs help! Receptionist: Yes.. Executive Administrator: Tell your husband Jethra to call the ambulance, he needs his psych prescriptions. Receptionist: On it! Teacher: No!! No!!! An old fraternity brother walks in.. Mathematics department Executive: Hey are you talking about me!!? Teacher: You work for this guy!? Mathematics department Executive: I own him. Bahahahaha!! Time for another physical challenge.. and if you tell anyone, you will live the rest of your days alone.. Teacher: If it’s NOT “building me up” then why do more of it!!? What is wrong with you!!? Torture plus more torture does NOT always equal “stronger” IF ever!!? STOP!! JUST STOP!! And you got the WRONG guy!! Mathematics department Executive: What else are we to do!!? Executive Administrator: Figure out an equation to fill eneryone with internal peace free of side effects! Go!! Teacher: Welcome to the imbalanced drug age and may the forces of larger pictures help the cluelessly obedient emotional sensory and hyper-stimulated inseparable beings fly free of side-effects.. Mathematics department Executive: But how!!? How!!? Teacher: By lecturing to yourself. Now stop with the arrogance!! We’re all trying to more clearly focus. We are all hoping for some artificial algorithms to lead us to peace. Mathematics department specialist: But who is “we”? Teacher: I don’t know my guy.

(Creds: (Music: Klaus Bedelt), (Actors on screen/thumbnail, as long as the YouTube channel creator keeps it as it is: (Kiera Knightly, Geoffrey Rush, and ohh yes, Johnny Depp, YouTube soundtrack from a seemingly well known film: uploaded July 25th, 2018, YouTube channel name: “kbadelt”, (and if a force of artificial computer manipulation seeking to confuse others hacks this URL online, then “He”, just might be A “Pirate!!”; https://youtu.be/BuYf0taXoNw )))),

May we all just give those fucking peaceful inseparable forces of eleborate unique hard to hear stories a chance..,
quote whoever on that..,
I guess?

?

(Genre: Imagination (I guess..?)),

Please do NOT take this personally,
Please do NOT take out your anger onto me that I did NOT cause,
Just..,
Stop with the displacement including the,
Gaslighting question such as “who are you referring to?”,
In order to track my behavior and create some new fancy elaborate sounding “disorder”,

I’m trying my best to get myself into a more comfortable impressionable considerate order,

Well,
If my overloaded senses and emotional dysregulations,
resulted in directing your even more overloaded senses and emotional dysregulations,
back at me,

Then well,
I’m sorry,

And I therefore wish for displacement,
to NOT create an even WORSE horrifically suppressed,
sensory and emotional dysregulation explosion, beyond what the “most powerfully influential” symbols of communication can describe,

I guess..?
There’s always another outer circle to follow and leader to obey,
IF we’re just,
manifesting,
on the surface of a socially inseparable,
Everlasting circle

(Genre: Creative Spontaneous Writing (I guess..(?)))

Who are these people zooming online..?
What individual and/or collective judgmental forces might be speaking to them..?
About my individual inseparable entity,
When everyone leaves the zoom chat..?

Yes..,
I’d guess another paranoid rhyme would be,
“Who do they know, where are they at”,
As well as,
What digital contextually narrowed misunderstandings consciously eradicated out of context,
Could these forces of hate,
Create..?

Certain words are excluded creatively,
Right in front of me..,
What new definitions will be formed by those who came before us,
To brilliantly manipulate each other against us!?

FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING: It’s like I just do NOT “have a ball”,
Where these exclusive entities just keep,
Bouncing off of my head,
According to my attention seeking mentality of wishing others would just empathize with me,
And even though my label and/or impressions may cause certain assumptions,
Well,
I’m more than just a selfish juggler,
On another level,
When the test score pressure is off,
I can pass the ball,
I can get at least three,
Yes..,
Consecutive threes..,
When the pressure remains off,
While the narcissistic tripod,
Remains watching me