Please regard figures of speech and light-hearted intent:

Instead of ending war,
wow..,
why not “have women kill too”,
how “woke”.., would I vote for a “cisgender white male autistic president”,
that depends on his CREDIBILITY,
that depends if I trust him,
or whatever his “pronouns”!!?
Would I exclude him..?
I would try not,
Would I try to be his friend..?
I presently feel that DEPENDS on my STRESS LEVEL,
how much more “perfect” must I be to remain safe from the emotionally manipulative DEVIL!!?
What the .. what..?

If I understand sufficiently correctly,
My perceptions presently tell me that:

If I appear emotionally “Incapable”,
I’ll (more likely) constantly feel as a “subject” of an emotional experiment,
Because,
Other forces of control,
May fear immense insecurity,
So who knows what they’ll do to me..(?),

And well,
To randomly add this:
If I’m drowning physically and/or emotionally,
What’s the most needed breathing AND/OR internal sensation pattern..!?

Presently,
I wish it felt easier to put the pieces together as fast as others often appear to expect of me,
I wish I felt LESS distracted by various internal forces of anxiety,
I wish my intelligence was continually even LESS distracted by anxiousness

If the clouds of anxiety make way for intelligence expansion in front of more externally powerful ego forces who initially thought I was “stupid”,

They may turn against me deeply horrifically unexpectedly,

Possibly out of a certain fear or anger that becomes triggered out of assuming me to have “always” been a “fake”,

So if I open up, Their assumptions may horrifically fuck me up

Person #1: I am.. the truth!
Person #2: You are.. nuts!
Person #1: Some teachings don’t clearly point toward truth as much as others.
Person #2: Stop..
Person #1: There are layers and layers of infinite truth within.
Person #2: And if you don’t shut the hell up you’ll be back on medication.
Person #1: That’s because you don’t know the truth!!
Person #2: Shut.. UP!!
Person #1: We’re all part of the truth in some way. Even if we don’t talk about it.
Person #2: Ohhh god..
Person #1: Would ya like to hear a joke??
Person #2: Go for it..
Person #1: If the handicapped military is domesticated, then how will they fly their way up to the desert..?
Person #2: How..
Person #1: They’ll pull themselves up by their bootstraps.
Person #2: And that is why you’re taking medication. To balance out your weird, stupid, chemical imbalance.
Person #1: Oh fuck you, you fucking narcissistic Nazi.. fuck you.

How must we help the victims of any possible fake “chemical balancers” through a harm reduction process,

if those who tried to balance our sensory and emotional chemicals for ourselves elaborately hid away their dirty periodic experiments..?

Speaking for myself,
I presently feel that:

Being threatened to get beat up (MORE likely) adds anger instead of reduces it,
If I’m having anger management struggles,
I’ll be an easy target from the “tit for tat” believers,
Which sadly ALSO often appear to include several elders,

In response to years of painful struggles,
while carrying stigmatized labels,
If I display a lack of anger management,
They may say,
“I’ll beat you up”,

So is that an indication of being welcome on an inner healing/teamwork journey..(?),
Nahhh,
Doesn’t sound like it,

And well,
The feeling once again will pass for the better,
I hope..(?)

If I just focus on the top of the “7 ball cascade” for too long,
I’ll MORE likely forget all else I have the privilege to rely on,
Among whichever else I have to appreciate,
Causing my awareness to significantly narrow,
Making me more vulnerable to forces of hate,

And I guess we all have some form of a unique story,
And may we still,
Still learn to create,
As we keep trying,
To keep peacefully relating,

Of course,
There may be bumps in the road,
Yet may we remain SAFE from the horrifyingly hot springs,
May we stay safe from the streams of terrifying boiling water,
The obsessive narcissism,
The impulses,

And if I horrifically fail,
Well,
May you take what I tried to offer,
And see what to do or NOT do,
In order to keep rising,
To the top,
Of the cascade of infinite internal and external,
Happy gratifying morally considerate peace,

And I want to ALSO thank my Father,
For having the strength to juggle all he had to,
For me,
To have all I have today,
And I hope to have MORE strength,
To feel LESS jaded,
At juggling whatever life fairly continues to expect of me,

And well,
As for any “good qualities” that I may have and that my ego may “brag” about,
I want to thank my Father,
For deeply considering to help fulfill all my needs,
Which still appear just too much to juggle for so many others in addition to whatever they were juggling,

Regardless of personal valid reasons why,
So many appeared and seem to appear jaded too easily,
While my Father,
Remained and remains,
Stronger,

Happy 66th birthday Dad

Oh no..,
I got NOT enough sleep,
Which I feel means that,
My emotions might become more dysregulated,
And my hypersensitive senses more easily overloaded,
Giving more equanimous forces more temptation to strengthen power over me,

Huhhh..,
I just wish there was LESS analysis on stuff so pointless,
Can humans just get along and work together already..!?

Can humans just MOVE forward..!?
NOT judge by surface level appearance,
And INSTEAD deepen a LESS hurtful judgmental character..!?
Or will many humans unconsciously continue to beautifully piece together toxic MISinformation because their egos want to feel “superior” by having the “answer”..(?),

Welp..,

I’ll try to keep noticing whichever sensations flow within and/or throughout me,
Even if what’s to come is great intensity,
I’ll just try to remind myself,
To just notice and NOT act on any intense thoughts, emotions and/or sensations,
To the best of my present internal foundational awareness ability,
For the considerate peaceful stability of myself while among everybody,

I’ll just keep trying

How can we honor today..?
Can we stay disciplined..?
Connect deeply without killing ourselves internally..?
Can we deeply connect socially while welcoming those of differently changing and fixating beliefs..?
Can we be in this present moment,
To create a MORE fair and LESS painful future present moment..?
Or must we “get even” and “fix” what is no longer happening before we continue forward..?

And well,
I just want to thank all those who came before me,
Who helped construct all I have today,
To help me continue along the way,

May the good energy, Continue to,
Bless and heal,
All

🇺🇸

I have a lot of thoughts that scatter all over the place throughout my awareness,
Such as:

Random Thought:

“There’s identity politics, that trickles down from diverse groups on the top of a social hierarchy that serve to turn diverse groups lower and lower against each other in order to never unite for fair treatment,
And then,
To prevent people from learning the skills they need to climb higher..,
Those who run culture will try to emotionally tempt those to read/watch and/or somehow distract themselves through overanalysis of identity politics which will keep them distracted from remembering the rules of the game they need to remember and/or learn for their continued survival”,

Random Thought:

“I’m sure there’s lots of clever psychopaths out there,
In infinite forms with unique stories that can be understood uniquely infinitely,
in various forms and degrees of sneaky powerful sadistic manipulative awareness,
So I must remind myself to:
Try to spot anything suspicious in order to avoid them as much as possible,
Try NOT to take money from those who may show signs of being one,
NOR open up to them,
NOR burden NOR complain,
Because they impulsively thirst for an excuse to add horrific abuse,

And to some degree,
As compared to you,
They may look similar or different,
So remain safely vigilant”,

Random Thought:

“I must stay safe from those who can talk deep awareness yet who are dangerously UNaware of the effects of their actions!”,

Random Thought:

“Huhh,
and well,
if I feel I have a tendency to become increasingly emotionally dysregulated and sensory overloaded,
then that thought itself might add to intense emotions and sensory overload that results in sleep deprivation and scattered thoughts that prevent me from building myself up to also equip myself to help others..,

causing them to label me as a disposable burden who will get horrifically eradicated in the secret torture chambers..”,

Random Thought:

“Instead of sailing forward,
I’ll ONCE AGAIN become sucked into a spirling mental feedback whirlpool that spends time lost in analytical thought instead of puts important inner realizations into sufficient consistent practice for myself and others..”,

Random Thought:

“Well,
I just hope people are empathetically aware enough to help me,
If and when I may be in so much pain that I just will NOT be able to clearly communicate”,

Random Thought:

“My ability may climb and fall,
Yep,
As for the form I’m in now,
I must remember I’m also vulnerable and mortal”,

Random Thought:

“Huhh,
No matter what I can and can NOT change,
No matter how I have been labeled,
No matter how I have been stigmatized and damaged to a greater degree,
I still will NOT heal if my excuses blind me into sinking deeper within inner emotional/physical pain and misery”,

Random Thought:

“Since everyone’s human,
What can I really expect from them..(?)”,

Random Thought:

“And well,
If my attention seeks a certain amount of positive attention from others,
It may always want more,
Because it’ll never find peace with what I’m doing right here,
With already having all it needs to meet it’s inner fulfilling appreciation needs,
Right here,
It just seeks externally without transfiguring its ethical spirit internally”,

Another Random Thought:

“So,
Once again I can remind myself,
To not try to sort out this physical form I’m in among other spiritually inseparable physical forms that I believe all manifest from a deeper life energy source..,
Or that,
Since understanding seems infinite in infinite forms,
why waste energy by adding internal pressure to ‘explain’ all of it..(?),
Yep,
So (for example) even if I have what I consider as some “deep realization” that I do NOT have the time to share in whichever way(s) I prefer,
I can let it go easier since there will be less pressure to convey it,
And therefore since I’ll be less distracted by “needing to write and share it”,
I’ll have less internal weighing pressure and more clear energy to fulfill any tasks fairly expected of me in the present,
..,
There’s no need to be a ‘messenger’ for some greater spiritual authority,
All there is,
In whichever degrees of solid and space,
Is always here and deeply inseparable from all else,
Infinitely deep within and throughout”,

Random self-critical thought:

“Stop with the UNorganized thinking,
You’re adding confusion to yourself and your behavior is adding confusion to those who surround you, stop, just.. STOP!”

Random thought:

“You don’t have to be hard on yourself because that’ll just increase stress that makes it even harder to see how to clearly recenter yourself”,

Random thought:

“No need to ‘figure it all out’,
Because you can’t,
Just witness the thoughts as they pass, and only share one if and whenever it’s most deeply needed”