I want this meaningless numbness to pass, I want to regain and continue that spirit, My attention is too in my head in this present moment, It’s the same old shit as many may put it, OCD obviously, Due to insecurity, Due to how I been conditioned to view my individual physical conscious manifestation in combination with recurring bad experiences making it worse,
In other words, I started as more vulnerable, put all my attention on being better and always lost, Trying to compensate for feeling insecure was made worse by my environment, therefore making me excessively focus on myself to make up for losing and wanting to prove to myself I succeeded at something that I could cling to for myself.. Right now, the OCD is telling me to film another juggling video..
I know it could get better, But I don’t feel it, I believe it can, But also sometimes don’t,
The obsessive compulsive voice just thinks it’ll all be “perfect” once arriving at the next destination,
As for knowing how to help me, the obsessive forces are obviously wrong but feel too strong..
This is just another struggle,
As always, This is regression into numb indifferent confusion, And it’ll hopefully pass
The insecurity may always be with me, I can still focus on life, It’s possible for me to NOT let it stop me, It will just be in there, All I can do is keep going.. I must remember I can get through whatever feelings are coming and leaving, It just comes back to remembering,
I’m feeling too in my head, But I must move on in this moment, I just must remember that