Uncomfortable Zones

If I’m in a comfortable surrounding place,
While not comfortable emotionally,
Then I’m not totally in my comfort zone,

I often feel the risks I take are inevitable and out of my comfort zone,
However they’re too uncomfortably far out of my comfort zone too often,
This occurs unintentionally obviously,
Hence I’m not comfortable with my judgment (or discernment) evidently,

Even though my learning, social, emotional atypically higher level of challenges brings me far higher discomfort than most doing the same requirement,
I’m still REQUIRED,
To some extent,
To remain in the same zone of environment,

Even though I’ll experience discomfort to a far greater extent,
Than those “typical” functioning individuals in that environment,

When I realize how comfortable I can become,
I realize how far I’ve been out of my comfort zone at different points,
Point is I realize how uncomfortable I’ve always been,
And the point is,
I’m almost,
If not always,
Too uncomfortable of a person,
With inner discomfort that may emanate,
Causing others to gravitate,
Away from me,
Instead of helping me alleviate,
The excessive discomfort in me,
Since they’re focused on utilizing their non-learning challenged, non-socially and non-emotionally challenged ability to the best of their degrees,

Which they have a right to do,
And getting the most out of this physical manifestation we’re in,
I WANT TOO!!

However,
I feel the long,
If not shorter,
harsh inevitable consequences,
of life forcing me,
Out of my comfort zone,
Far too quickly,
Causing me an unwarranted excessive and wasteful, reality,

Whatever I feel I must do to give forth,
I feel we’re all entitled,
To give forth in a step by step process that,
Of course will likely be out of our comfort zones,
But may not be out of our comfort zones too fast,

So as of now,
I try to be helpful by writing..
Since I post where barely anyone reads,
I don’t have as big of fear of embarrassment,
So there’s more room for me to post what I may likely regret..?

However,
I prefer to share my writing to FAR more others who will feel helped,
Supported or somehow appreciative of having had read it,
That is how I want to try to give forth,

In a way that’s reasonably,
But not TOO much discomforting,

In a way that’s not TOO DANGEROUSLY out of my comfort zone for me,
For my own sanity,
For example..

Since in my belief,
With my level of “autism”,
With my social, emotional, and learning challenges,
That started off higher,
And that gave me bad experiences which made my ego SO obsessively insecure,
As for giving forth,
I believe it’ll still be okay if I don’t fight fire,
or put my life dangerously on the line to experiencing the most physical or whatever type of pain presently imaginable,

I don’t mean to discourage others from joining and trying to remain in alignment with good truths they’re presently understanding,

It’s just,
I feel our ways of giving forth,
Must be practical instead of overly out of our comfort zones which we’ve developed to whatever conscious or unconscious degree,
Throughout our lives,

Speaking for myself (as always),
Since (as I probably already said),
Whatever I speak or express comes from my own experience..
I want to add that,
A big point I’m trying to emphasize is that,

Although we may be faced with inevitable risks (at some point),
We’re entitled to give FORTH,
In a way that is NOT too fast out of our comfort zones,
In order to remain on the best track we can find,
That entails giving “back”,
Or “forth”,
To continue living and experiencing moving FORWARD,

Which is why,
For me,
Based on my present comfort zone limitations,
Which I’ve formed throughout my life through whatever degree of conscious or unconscious decisions in response to various environments which often gave my innate adversity,
FAR more adversity,
I’ve spent SO, SO, much of my life living OUT of my comfort zone,

Yet,
I’m STILL ACCOUNTABLE,
I’m STILL ACCOUNTABLE,
To try my best to contribute to what is civil,
To contribute to what I believe will make,
My time here worthwhile,
Helpful,

And I can take,
What I’ve learned from past experiences and other attempts at “opening up”,
Which I’ve already done or tried since I made over 100 blog posts and since I’m this far in writing this post right HERE,

When need be,
I’ll stay as safe out of my comfort zone for the benefit of myself and others,
I’ll avoid my own destructive inner reaction when faced with more cruelness or exclusion,

When I’m not chosen for an irrational,
Non-practical reason,
I’ll say,

“I don’t like pointless exclusion”,
And the pointless exclusion may respond by saying,
“Well, we don’t like you”,
And I may say,
“I have social needs to”,
And exclusion may say,
“And we feel a NEED to STAY away from you!”
And I may say,
“But you don’t know me!!”
And exclusion may say,
“Yes we do!!”
And I may say,
“You’re too toxically far out of alignment regarding how you judge and exclude me! I can be a great help in joining you on your infinite journey of discovering and experiencing greater truth ongoingly”,
And exclusion may say,
“Well, we don’t trust you, Sorry!”
And I may say,
“Although I’m different, I have a lot to offer”,
And exclusion may say,
“JUST GET OUT OF HERE!!!”

Then I’ll eventually leave since no matter how much I can try to convince, or prove to someone I can’t change what they presently choose to continue to believe,

But NO!!

I won’t leave!
And those who don’t want me,
May never act kind to me,
Since my rationality can’t just (if at all) heal any degree of their present experience of (their level of) irrationality,
Sadly,

But,
I’ll still continue to do what I feel I must to continue increasingly, everlastingly, remain true,

Regardless of how much people like me,
The more I stay true to what helps me live the most fulfillingly,
The more I’ll like life,
Most likely,

Of course since I want what’s most needed to live the most enjoyable life I can,
Even though,
No matter how hard I try,
To some degree I still may care what others think about me,
(such as writing in this post),
I’ll STILL,
Even if greatly unaware,
I’ll STILL,
Always continue to do what I believe will truly give me a life most WORTH experiencing with my given innate challenges, experiences, (past present ability to make decisions), and of course based foundationally on,
My present level I’m capable to continue out of my comfort zone so I’m not TOO uncomfortable,
So I’m NOT always out of my comfort zone to some level,
But so,
I’m out of my comfort zone in a WAY that is most practical in moments when leaving my comfort zone is inevitable,

As of now,
Writing is a way,
Is an outlet I’ve chose,
To give forth to myself and whoever else,
In ways safest,
Most practical and reasonable given my present existance physical manifestation functioning,
Awareness (or unawareness) level,

It has been,
Is and may continually be a struggle,
However I’m doing all I can,
To remain and consistently become more and more reasonably,
Stable,

I always wish that what I have done,
What I’m presently doing,
What I plan on improving and continuing,
Is sufficiently,
Helpful,

For myself,
And whoever else that is looking to reduce excessively painful struggle,

Maybe what I’ve done is too little..?
But what I feel I must do aside from writing,
What I feel I must do,
How I feel I must contribute in a way, and/or ways I feel for myself and those I’m around as most reasonable,

I’m still,
STILL trying,
To remain,
And/or,
To be,

Helpful,

I hope these thoughts (and/or feelings) I shared here,
Regarding living out of my comfort zone,
Have been helpful,
Especially when being in those types of zones,

With all the different levels of uncomfortable zones,
I wish for my awareness to be adequately,

“In the” NEEDED “zone”,

I have all this privilege,
Yet don’t always feel and make the most of it,
Or just sufficiently make what I can of it,

As for not only being part of,
But in touch with good SPIRIT,
I can ALWAYS try to come back to it,

I can always try to attain more of it,
For reasons such as the enjoyment of it,

I also guess,
That,
like any out-of-proportion emotion..
The less I fear,
The more I’ll be able to,
Protect myself,
Since I’ll function in ways that are,
More clear,

So I must not feed into toxic unaware cultures of DISPLACING hate and immense anger on what I do NOT need to be afraid of AS afraid of.. Since that will NOT make the world better,
It will NOT make life clearer,
But if anything,
It will put us in FAR more danger of every being on this planet going extinct..,

So speaking from my present belief(s) shaped from my life decisions,
Shaped from my experiences, etc, etc..

May we refrain from DISPLACEMENT,
And may we INSTEAD,
Help ourselves AND each other,
DEVELOP,
Helpful,
DISCERNMENT,

May we continually help ourselves and others understand infinitely more of what needs to be understood,
Including what could help life stay and infinitely increasingly remain in a direction that’s good,

May we sustain and increase NEEDED discernment,
To properly sustain and utilize,
Increasing,
Everlasting,

Good,
SPIRIT,

May (any level of) strong spirit refrain from (any level of) catastrophic misjudgment,
May our strong spirit and real integrity remain adequately in,
Alignment,

Whatever we feel any level of pain in any uncomfortable zone,

May we attain needed discernment,

Wherever in that,

Zone,

Although I often fail and still struggle,
I always remain in some kind of,
Zone,
Whether internal, external or however..
I always aspire,
To do what I see as,
Helpful,

I try to repeat,
To remember,
To make clearer,

To avoid displacement,
To avoid sadistic judgment,
Or any form of harmful intent,
To,
Develop,
Continual increasing,
Sufficient,
Excellent,
Discernment,

May our insecurity NOT harm our present mentality,
May we respond to uncomfortable zones helpfully,

Hence,
I try to remain in a helpful zone,
By checking in,
Internally,
To help myself,
To continually equip myself to be helpful to others as well,

Perpetually..

Also,

Since clearing,
Or “opening” or “cleansing”,
Helps me see more clear,
Helps clear,
And/or,
Opens me to be more aware of how to respond to immense, dangerous, pain and/or adversity..
Such as what I may encounter in those UNCOMFORTABLE ZONES especially,
Opening is becoming more and more needed,
For my survival,

Sufficient opening, clearing, cleansing,
Is needed for my sufficient survival,
Since I had exacerbated atypical vulnerabilities,
I needed to open,
To how I respond as needed,
To continue living,
Surviving, experiencing,
Whatever is the best way(s) of describing..

I especially need to stay OPEN to how I must adequately,
Consistently, remember,
On how to survive in those,
Immense, excessive, painful,

UNCOMFORTABLE ZONES,

I may ever,

Encounter,

Still,

Peace and happiness,
And remaining equanimous,
Is what I wish to,
Feel more of,
Regardless of whatever changing forms my present level of consciousness may manifest in,
As a part of a greater form (?),

Forever,

I guess my understanding,

May always become,

Clearer

?