For Too Long

For too long,
I’ve turned to non-practical,
Non-survival,
Non-work related goals,

Many (especially) non-jugglers seemed to positively respond to me juggling,
Yet I feel many,
(Regardless if they appreciate my juggling to whatever degree(s) or not),
Have NOT seemed to regard my writing,
Have NOT seemed to notice all the pain filming those Youtube videos in social isolation,
After social rejection,
Gave me,

And the inner pain,
I feel,
Definitely (variously) negatively effected,
My capabilities,
And/or,
Present abilities,

Oh..,
Sports,
Hobbies,
Juggling,
As of now,
For me,
Hopefully remains as history,

I feel that even though it may REMAIN very hard for me,
Yet,
I just,
Can NOT keep letting what others think,
Control me,

I feel,
I have to remember the warrior in me,
I feel I have to remind myself repeatedly,
To,
Do what seems to be true within me,
And I feel that’ll,
(Regardless of what actually happens),
MOST LIKELY,
Help me excel,
Profoundly,

Instead of being driven by my built up insecurity,
Resulting,
(As I believe),
From being affected by whatever that surrounded(s) me..,
Such as toxic unconscious social energy,
..,
Instead of trying to obsessively impress others,
And instead of OBSESSIVELY trying to have them positively view me,

Well,
The more I do,
What is most true,
And seemingly most helpful,

I would say,
In whatever ways,
May most likely,
Be most,

Beneficial

??