Can NOT keep Up

I feel,

There’s so much new painful stuff,
(Such as meanness from others or whatever..),
That I struggle to list and go into (what I view as) sufficient detail about,

I feel,
There’s always something new,
Always something to further explain,
And/or try to rephrase and/or make clearer,

And I just,
Can NOT keep up,

And I feel,
I have to keep awareness of myself within,
So I do what I know,
And I can,
To not,

Blow up,

As for that awareness,
I struggle to,
Keep it up,

All the continued bullshit I can NOT keep up with,
As for writing about,
Sometimes I succumb to harmfully self-medicating to desperately block the immense inner pain out,

Yep,
It just..,

Has not felt easy,
To keep my head up,
And to just,
“Shrug it off”,
As those expect me,

At least I’m..,
Still alive,
And as of right now,
I’m trying to feel more grateful,
And less judgmentally hateful for those without an autistic,
“On the spectrum”,
Nor any kind of negatively regarded label,

Huhhhhhh,

I,
Still feel it’s reasonable,
To ask for,
Less of a struggle,

Yet,
It is how it is,

I just,
Feel I must,
Detach,
As I remain as safe as I can,
As the toxic current passes,

As the fun times,
As the hard times,
Change,
As people’s attitudes,
As their energy,
Just..,
Changes..,

I try to,
Notice,
My,
Inhale,
Exhale,
And witness the sensations,
As a means of inner alleviation,

Yet of course,
I feel it takes,
Consistent,
Persistent,
Consciously aware,
Attention,

Recently I feel to have been struggling to adequately keep at it,
Yet at least,
I’m,
Still,

At it