Memorable Effects

For one,
I do NOT intend to get political,
Nor however confrontational,
These are just some,
I feel that:

Of course they would NOT remember how they hurt me,
They were NOT emotionally affected as severely,
And many just may NOT have had the same predisposed emotional hyperreactivity(?),
NOR learning challenges to the same degree(?),
And maybe,
They did NOT come from NON-mainstream divorced parents with a family 1,000 miles away..?
And regardless of how many others may have painfully struggled,
At least they were LESS alone..?

Yeah I know I can NOT speak for others,
Yet I wish they’d NOT speak for me,
I wish they would NOT tell me they “know everything” about what I’ve been through before I even share at least some of it with them..,
Yeah well,
As for what they may mean in certain contexts I’ll try to give them the (as they say) “benefit of the doubt” and try to interpret it more broadly and peacefully..,

Even from many who try to “help me”,
I even feel they just,
Misunderstand me..,

And well,
Of course genetics and imbalancing chemicals may have affected me(?),
Yet I feel it was largely my LIVED EXPERIENCES that made those emotional chemicals painfully hard to sufficiently balance in me,
So must I be heavily prescribed something with research funded by a for-profit and/or whatever type of power seeking powerful institution(s)?
Regardless of my externally powerless situation..,
Must I stay on a path of natural inner peaceful cultivation?
Hopefully with the side-effect(s) being,
Various forms of..,
Inner peaceful liberation..(?),

And even if there’s just for-profit/for-power “theories” and zero real proof?
To use their words..,
I may have a “chemical imbalance”,
But how must that really be treated?
And did bullying exacerbate it?

And instead of simplistically dismissing my pain as an imbalance of chemicals,
Can they INSTEAD say I have a “mood dysregulation challenge”..?
That meanness from others may exacerbate?
To be more clear about why I am the way I am instead of ignoring the culture of bullying and instead simply saying I have a “chemical imbalance” and that I just must shut my mouth and take my medication?
I’m just trying to keep it real in this written expression..,

And well,
If I block out one emotion through medication,
Will that “balance” my chemicals in a helpful direction?
And although many people say they believe in “my body my rights”?
As they say,
“Actions speak louder than words”..,
Riiiiight ??

And (of course) I’m trying to feel LESS inwardly painfully tight..,
Yet I can NOT awaken overnight,

I just,
Feel I must keep working at getting through the day,
And relaxing to fall asleep at night,
Or whenever I have a chance to get as much sleep as I need,

So everyday,
I feel I must remind myself to stay on a peaceful path,
In whatever helpful way,

Yet for me this remains a challenge,
Practically everyday,

And I’ll just keep “staying strong”,
As many essentially say


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