As it Is

I feel:

I treat others nicely,
Yet (for example) too many respond with impatience,
Anger,
And ZERO social invites,
..,
That (I guess(?)) results from their,
Built up unprocessed trauma that gave them unconscious insecurity..?

Yet..,
Without getting lost in excessive analysis,
I’ll just continue with this:

I treat others the way I wish they’d treat me,
Such as with fairness,
Kindness and peacefulness,
..,
Yet they just wish to keep impulsively overpowering me,

And well,
As I believe..,
It’s the culture that unconsciously evolved over time:
Survival of the cruelest,

I just feel I must keep remembering to keep doing what I see fit,
To NOT psychologically NOR however “lose it”,
Because too many others will just pass individual and/or institutional judgment,
..,
I just can NOT count on most being compassionate,
And instead of inner resistance emotionally derailing me,
Well..,
Peaceful acceptance is what I HOPE to continually successfully practice..,

And even if many others understand what it means to be kind and compassionate,
Well,
To be real about it..,
They may also understand that too often their ego dominates their awareness and they just are NOT compassionate..,
Regardless..,
I feel,
There’s just NOT sufficient kindness NOR peacefulness in a culture of “survival of the ‘fittest’”,

Yeah I know..,
It’s NOT “let’s work together”,
..,
Whatever..,

Yet,
I treat others the way I wish they’d treat me,
And many others still keep on trying to make me feel inferior so their insatiable egos can feel “superior”,
Like I said..,
It’s the culture..,

When others ask me for a favor I get it done,
Like the people who I bought lunch for,
Did this and that for,
Yet they still just responded with insults,
Exclusion,
And endless forms of straight up hurtful judgment,

I just kept being kind to them while they responded with emotional egoic cruelty,
And yep,
That’s the cultural mentality,

So evidently,
I presently feel,
I’m NOT receiving the KIND energy I put out,

..,

Too often,
When I treat others how I want to be treated,
I just get mistreated,

It’s the culture..,
And..,
Why get more upset about what I can NOT change..?

..,

Too often,
Since I feel they’re hard to find,
I give up on finding those who will be nice to me,
And sometimes,
I feel stuck with those who are toxic for me,

I feel,
It IS presently just..,
The dominant mentality..,

Yep..,
It’s just the present mainstream mentality..,

TOO often,
I just let them treat me the way they do,
Because as for being powerless,
Alone and by myself,
What can I really do ?

I firmly believe one person can NOT significantly change the way stuff presently is,
So why not go back to a practice,
Of finding LESS inner painful resistance and MORE peaceful acceptance of what WE can NOT instantly significantly change ?

And yeah..,
What power do any of us by ourselves or in a small like-minded group REALLY have,
Over the dominant egoic meanness,
?

So yes,
I guess..,
Once again,
The best I can do to feel better,
Is find peace within,
Since I feel I can NOT change the POWERFUL EXTERNAL,

No matter how nasty the culture is that I’m presently stuck in,
..,
I can just keep trying to practice whatever it is I believe in,
That’ll guarantee an increased likelihood,
Of at least some inner peace increase,

??

Such as,
By first noticing my natural inhale and exhalations,
My chest expanding and contracting..,
And peacefully noticing any levels of mean energy passing,
Whether it’s presently manifesting and/or another memory of getting bullied..,
?
I feel I must just notice it and not add more inner stress because of it,

Whatever type of toxic energy it is,
Of course,
I feel I just must peacefully witness..,
WITHOUT emotionally losing my awareness in the toxic energy,
And INSTEAD finding and sustaining more and more peace to help emotionally balance me,

And I guess the more deeply I practice this,
The more I can clearly describe a viable step by step process,
Yet,
As for experiencing and/or describing it,
I feel it’s just infinite,

I feel there’s just always a better way to put it,

And well,
Instead of taking myself out,
..,
I’ll just ride my life out,
And letting the life energy wave,
Or current,
Or whatever is the “best” figure of speech to describe it..,
take me,

I’ll just let the current of life energy take me,
While NOT trying to escape what I can NOT,
NOR adding bad negative inner and external complaining/resisting energy to what I can NOT change,
And just keep trying to accept it,

As it is,

Step by step,
Moment by moment,
Attempt by attempt,

While (hopefully) sufficiently reminding myself,
That I’m here,
Right now,
And it’s alright