Real Listening

I feel that:

There’s a lot of stuff I feel blamed for,
That happened LONG BEFORE I was born,

There’s a lot of stuff,
That I feel blamed for,
Even though I am NOT the one causing the suffering,

There’s a lot of groups I feel excluded from,
There’s a lot of stuff I’m just “not allowed to say”,
Including a lot that is said,
Right in front of my face,

Day by day,
I wonder,
Who else just wants to talk additional shit and put me away..?

What freedom of speech do I really have to this day..?

It may be so much easier,
To try to communicate truth I see behind an IPhone keyboard,
Instead of in front of even the smallest “executive” board,
Instead of in front of whoever,
With more power,

Given my autism,
Given my lack of external authority,
Given how the mainstream may be ready to take out of context,
What the next person who looks like me,
Does and says,
To get convenient coverage,

I guess there’s always something else those who look and sound like me,
Are just “not allowed” to say,
Are just “not allowed” to stand for..,

Now I know,
All groups have their good ones,
Yet as for certain “different” ones,
Who I thought were friends,
There’s a lot of emotions I still feel to inevitably arise,
Which I may try to express,
Because of how I look,
Because of how I sound,
Because of how I’ve been diagnosed,

Who will really listen!!?

Now I know some appear to,
But that has felt to remain only a few,
And well,
The bullies will always have some other “justification”,
As for why they do what they do,

I guess,
Remaining focused on my inhale,
And whatever “inner sensations”,
Is sometimes all I feel I can do


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