(Genre: I guess..(?), Generalized language arts(?)),

(For mature audiences only (I guess..(?))),

Hypothetically speaking;

If I clearly sense within myself what feels as a “terminal” illness,
INSTEAD of,
“Blowing up a terminal”,
My suppressed emotions,
Might manifest in words,
At the most awkward times of social interactions,

If I know I have a “terminal” illness,
And if I tell this to someone,
And if that person asks myself in response,
“What does it mean to ‘know’?”,
I will probably assume,
That the person is oblivious and dangerous,
INSTEAD of,
Becoming dangerous in response,

If my body tells me that I have a “terminal” illness,
And if someone suggests that I “do nothing” and “pray”..,
INSTEAD of “beating” that person in response,
I’ll call someone in response,
And if the person who responds,
Has no idea how to help,
Then,
My spirit might more likely descend into a vegetable,
That’ll (hopefully) more likely manifest,
as a nerve ending,
that’ll defund more forces of internal peer pressure,
Of which continues,
to perniciously debilitate others,
into a horrifying similar terminal state,
Into a vegetable of interconnected nothingness,

Therefore,
And (as I would guess(?)) INSTEAD of “giving up” by adding additional negative stress that’ll additionally degenerate myself,
In order to reduce internal tension by reducing internal stressful resistance,
with the intention to become more at peace with what might happen to feel as internally “terminal”,
I guess(?) I therefore,
Can more often surrender,
as I notice the internal sensations,
Of which my internal perceptions,
might define as “terminal”,

WHILE,

I continue manifesting as an everlasting nerve ending,
Inseparable,
From all infinite forms of sentient inseparable beingness

(Genre: Language Arts, this is NOT meant to perpetuate stereotypes.)

(For mature audiences only.)

If someone tries to convert me,
What is that person truly trying to tell me?

If someone tries to convert me,
Where will,
what that person calls “truth”,
Actually lead someone like myself?

If someone tries to convert me,
Why would that person keep bringing up what I already don’t clearly understand?
And if that person asks a question such as that (what I just asked),
Would the person trying to convert me,
Even understand..?
Assuming that the circumference of their present force of forcing beliefs onto others,
Already decided to,
A long time ago,
To,
No longer expand in all directions..?

So in that case,
If it really got “that bad”,
I’ll probably turn to,
My own version of a “higher power”,
Instead of some dickhead up in the sky who wants to look down while jerking off,
Nor his wife who wants to spend all her time shopping who he probably keeps on screwing..,

So I guess in that case those higher powers would have created someone such as myself to just mess with myself on a judgmental path to nowhere right?

I wouldn’t know either,
To be quite honest

Speaking in general,
And speaking in metaphors and hypothetically,
And based on my personally built frame of reference,

As for a “placebo effect”,
What if expecting a pill to make us more “angry”,
Makes us “more angry” because of being forced to take it..?
while expecting to experience “side-effects” during or after being prescribed the pill?
While not having clear and concise information about the pill..?
While feeling that the true effects of the pill have been omitted from experimental research conclusions in order for the pill to sell..?

So is our “condition” just what others might call a “chemical imbalance” or is there more to feeling forced a treatment that makes us feel worse..(?),

While we’re clearly NOT a threat to ourselves NOR any sentient inseparable others

(Genre: Short Play/Short Dialogue Practice(?), (please don’t take this personally (because it’s truly NOT..(and pertaining to that, the names are randomly selected)), thanks!))

Meanwhile, during a text message conversation..

Bob: Stop deflecting.
Max: You’re not even listening!
Bob: But you need someone to be aggressive with you to become motivated to help yourself!
Max: Yet it doesn’t help me more clearly understand what you’re trying to say when you’re getting mad over nothing. And speaking in general, getting shouted at doesn’t help me understand important lessons more clearly since the loud noise just feels to increase my anxiety.
Bob: No, it’s what you need to hear. And you literally take zero responsibility.. You don’t try to better yourself at all.. and you never help me out in return.
Max: No, I’ve been a nice guy, I’ve driven to your performances, I don’t give you constant advice that’s unasked for. I have—
Bob: Dude the advice I give is literally what you need to be telling yourself! And since you’re not, I am being of service to you by reminding you what you need to remember for self-improvement!
Max: I have been bettering myself! I work out, I have been eating more fruits and vegetables, I show up to a job that others depend on that helps distribute packages while also applying for more work..! You really need to stop!
Bob: And you need to actually do it while spending less time blaming others for your bad choices. Give me your mom’s number.
Max: I’m not blaming anyone! I am doing my best to take responsibility within my highly influenced life circumstances!
Bob: Stop excusing your bad choices on how you’ve been influenced.
Max: I’m not! I literally just made a brief point!
Bob: Give me your mom’s number.
Max: Bob, you are not my drill instructor!
Bob: Max, give me your mom’s phone number, now!
Max: Wow, that one time when I said that you just help me out for your “ego”, you got so offended while forgetting how you’ve so often completely ignored my requests to receive LESS arrogant feedback about what you perceive as everything “wrong” with me that’s my own “fault” that you “need” to “fix”. While the reality is that you continually fail to witness how much of a jerk you truly come across as! You literally threatened to “kill me” if I didn’t keep taking these psychiatric prescriptions that make me more emotionally dysregulated and make me feel as if I’m degenerating into the physical state of a vegetable!
Bob: Well, if you don’t give me your mom’s number, I’m blocking you, because there’s nothing more that I can do to help. So that’s why I’m going to ask her what needs to be done.
Max: I’m already getting treatment! It’s just with less of the same prescriptions that haven’t been helping!
Bob: Well it doesn’t seem to be working and I didn’t mean it like that when I said “I’ll kill you”.. It was just to try to express frustration within myself for not knowing how to exactly help you.
Max: That’s not how it came across though!
Bob: So let it go then.
Max: Seriously?
Bob: Max, give me your mom’s number.
Max: You didn’t even try to listen to what I just—
Bob: Give me your mom’s number, or I’m blocking you.
Max: Man I wish I was more tech-savvy because I would love to have sent you that voice message for you to hear how you sounded!
Bob: Let’s go, give me your mom’s number.
Max: I will not.
Bob: Max, stop being manipulative, give me your mom’s number, now!
Max: You have it so backwards..
Bob: I’ll start counting down, and if you don’t give it to me when I get to zero, I’m blocking you..
Max: Like I already—
Bob: 10, 9, 8–

Max pauses before replying as Bob counts down..

Bob: 7, 6, 5, 4–
Max: You really need to stop.
Bob: 3, 2, 1..
Max: Max, you are not my drill instructor.
Bob: … Zero.
Max: Wow.. You’re like.. so “cool” man..
Bob: Bye bye bud.

Bob blocks Max, and then, Max messages someone else named James..

Max: Hey man I just got blocked by someone. You don’t know him, and I haven’t been reaching out because I didn’t want to bother you either.
James: Oh damn I’m sorry to hear that.
Max: It’s whatever.
James: Right, and not that you did anything “wrong”, but you did reach out to him, so keep in mind that he also has the right to say his opinion.
Max: Yeah I know.
James: Mhmm.
Max: I literally wrote the guy a freakin gratitude letter at one point..! I don’t know..!?
James: Yeah I’m sorry man. That sounds rough.
Max: It’s all good man. It is whatever it happens to become as of now.
James: Right.

I feel that;

Speaking in general..,
The MORE that someone with (seemingly) “greater intelligence” wishes to make me feel “stupid”,
the MORE that person could possibly become an enemy if my perceptions clearly tell me that it’s “obvious”.

For example,
if I’m in the work break room,
While a supervisor of mine is telling another coworker how he’s having nerve damage before I got a clear look at his hand,

and if I ask “have you tried juggling, because what if that helps relax your nerves?”,
and if my supervisor responds by saying/exclaiming,
“how the fuck will juggling help if I have a broken fucking hand!?”,

His ego (or (in this case) force of unconsciousness towards other people’s feelings) therefore will have one (for example),
tried to alleviate his pain by trying to make me feel and “remain stupid”,
and two,
that remark might make me feel as if I “shouldn’t” have “asked” that question,
Therefore giving his ego a sense of “greater intelligence” that’s above my “stupidity” and therefore providing his ego a feeling of “superiority”,

So I would say that two examples of what this can narrow down to,

Is one,
It’s not fair to myself to be on the receiving end of any other person’s anger in response to problems that I did not cause,

and two,
getting pissed off,
even at a seemingly “stupid” question of mine (really as a result of social anxiety),
is truthfully,
not going to make,
either one of us,
more “internally peaceful”,
nor “clear” and “intelligent”,
for a “longer lasting” period of time in ways mutually beneficial (in this case) between me and an older work supervisor,
among whoever we’re around and whenever,
for example,

So in general,
When I feel to receive any forms of meanness and/or disrespect that I may feel I “can’t avoid”,
Such as on a job that my survival may feel to depend on,
I can practice noticing the internal emotional reactions/physical sensations in addition to my naturally occurring breath,
In order for them to less likely painfully build within myself,
To therefore reduce chances of them having a destructive impact on my physical health and/or within my actions,

So therefore,
May I again remember,
To notice my inhalations,
Exhalations,
Including my internal physical sensations,
Such as my emotions that internally react to varying extents in response to attempts to socially interact,

May I peacefully notice,
As the internal sensations continually expand and contract

((This is not in any standard citation format), Source: Author: Bob Barnett, Article title: “How Juggling Can Increase Neuroplasticity”, Year Published: 2024 (around February and March although the exact date does not appear to be listed), Website: Brain & Life, Link/URL: https://www.brainandlife.org/articles/juggling-may-be-good-for-the-brain)

(Genre: A poem/language arts(?))

Okay so as for the word “they”,
In this case I’m referring to anyone,
And yes the ending is in the title,
So,
Here it is;

When those who survived have me alone,
They’ll pressure me to risk it all,

After those who survived take it all away,
And after my anxiety keeps me awake to the point of living inside their beliefs of what they regard as “fairness”,

Therefore,

All they’ll do is walk by,

As I’ll lay on the street,
Looking at the sky

Okay so I guess it’s fair of myself to call this genre “figurative language arts” in “stanzas”..?
Or just “stanzas” and “random untraditional punctuation”..?
Yet,
if the stanzas would indicate that this is a “poem”,
I would say that this clearly is a “poem”..,
However,
As long as this makes sense and feels helpful to at least one person,
I would therefore agree that the precise genre is not important,
So here it is;

As of now,
Speaking for all these following stanzas,
In which I try to communicate,
that,
I feel that;

The MORE that I question..,
If I followed the “rules”,
While feeling internal and external pressure to check,
The MORE that I give into,
Obsessive compulsive forces that waste my time..,

And,
The MORE that I question my existence,
Such as asking myself,
“Am I dreaming..?”,
The LESS I want to relive,
Wherever it is that took myself so long to arrive at,

Because,
I am therefore,
Becoming more and more tired,
Of always arriving,
To the same expectations,
Of the same types of goals,
Over and over again,
That,
Do NOT feel to help myself,
Further avoid,

Becoming,
More and more,
Plastic and solidified,
By the expectations,
Of what my present perceptions tell myself that,

“Others Expect”

My present state of opinions tell me that, as for the spiritually inseparable physical manifestation I find myself in,
is that I feel that;
IF the older one is,
the greater his or her physical pain tolerance (most probably) “becomes”,
then those who are older must “therefore” be the ones’ first called to put their physical safety on the line,
such as with military service,
and/or serving in the fire,
police,
and emergency medical technician field of study, AS LONG AS their moral sense of DIRECTION has NOT cognitively rotted away,
because,
At least some who serve us more than we do,

will (as I would guess(?)) know

I presently feel that;
“The sign of a great mind”,
is to not have opposing beliefs, short circuit our span of intelligence,
into a whirlpool of concluding that beliefs such as “if most people did not ‘know’ about it,
then it ‘didn’t happen’” as “true”,
because,
wouldn’t that increase chances of putting our trust in to another who we,
know nothing about..(?).

(Creds: Francis Scott Fitzgerald)

“Sometimes those least flamboyant, are the most horny, when all stoicism, goes to the lower chakra”,

First response: And sometimes, those who appear the most dignified and trustworthy, are just looking, to hope into, out pants.