I can do This

Practically speaking once again..
For our own self-interests,
Of increasing the likelihood of better internal,
external and whatever type of experience(s),

And speaking for myself especially,
And regardless of how much toxic forces unconsciously built up in me,
An unconscious sense of identity..
No matter how strong of a “hold” it has on me.. consciously..,


I must NOT be held back by any type of inner insecurity,
Even if lots of painful insecurity is still with me,
All I can do,
Is what I know I must,
To increase the highest likelihood of clearing those inner unconscious toxins,

Whether it’s internal conscious detaching,
untangling and cleansing,


Whether it’s keeping a job,
And if the only job I can find is in a difficult environment,
And when it adds MORE painful difficulty,
To whatever painfully difficult state of consciousness (or I guess unconsciousness) I may be already in..
Sticking with how I know to keep..
Moving along and staying strong,
While not being consumed by even more toxic unconsciousness,
be the commitment,

Even though it may be obvious,
I still must REMIND myself that if I stick with it,
I’ll most likely attain the best of it,
And the worst part will,
Although there’s NO guarantee,
Most likely pass,
Or most likely will at least,

So by committing my attention,
In a direction that’ll more likely guarantee a less painful present experience (inner, external, etc..),


Doing the best I can at that,
At sustaining my attention in the most likely helpful direction,
(Or direction that is most likely to be overall helpful..),
Is all I can do,

As I believe,
The roots of pain and insecurity are internal,
My attention must be inwardly..
And according to me as always..,
I would assume,
The more I inhale,
Notice the inner cleansing flowing through me,
And Exhale,

And in the middle of the inhale,
While noticing the bad energy pass either around or through me,
While recognizing that my consciousness can eventually detach from the poisoned unconsciousness,

That my consciousness can become NOT distorted by it,
That my consciousness can become conscious and NOT unconscious,
That my consciousness can follow on a path towards greater and greater inner awareness capability and discovery,
At the fastest pace it can presently proceed at,

As for all my insecurity and OCD that’s still with me while I continue doing surfacely what I must do that’s productive such as working towards a career,
And any other essential areas of being adequately self-sustaining,
To not let bad feelings unconsciously grow and destroy me,
I must also,
In any moment,
Remember to ask myself,
How am I feeling?
Is there any need for cleansing?
Am I still consistently trying to clear my awareness to make room for greater and greater discovery of more of what there infinitely is to notice and experience?

Where can my attention be focusing?
To truly experience the most I presently can,
In whatever I’m doing and experiencing,

And yes,
I know,
Even with a lot of self-help,
While still surrounded by dominant toxic unconsciousness,
It can still be EXTREMELY HARD to adequately consistently remain on a path of fulfilling clearer and clearer consciousness,


I believe that we,
Speaking for myself especially,

I must say that I,
Must remember that I,

Can do this

Acknowledging It

Regarding my last post,
(And I have now corrected myself by spelling “Klay” instead of “Clay”..)


So.. Regarding what I saw on some sports station while on break at work..

It’s okay if you’d rather hear Klay Thompson’s story instead of a one about atypical (autistic) learning learning challenges like mine..,
I get it..

Having autism and being in the NBA are both atypical,
And sure..
Being in the NBA is (I would guess..) EVEN less (if not far less) typical than having autism,
But what about those who are more challenged in the tough system..?

Klay Thompson definitely had struggles and adversity that I didn’t,
I have had and still have,
The he does NOT have and was NOT faced with,

NOT saying he “had it easy”,
The celebrity basketball player must have had his OWN type of adversity..
as others have in their own ways..
Including Stephen Curry,
And like many if not all of us,

When I tell others that I also have a story,
One about my adversity with autism,
I wish just WISH that others don’t smirk at me..
I wish they didn’t however cruelly dismiss it,
But even if they don’t have interest or enough time to read or however listen to it,
To just,
Kindly acknowledge it..,

I wish they INCLUDED it,

I don’t mean to be angrily judging them for judgmentally dismissing my story,
And of course (as I said) they do NOT have to read it if they prefer not to,
But if I mention it,
I don’t want them to be mean to me about it,

All they have to do is kindly acknowledge it,
It sure is amazing how people like Klay Thompson,
in his own way,
have made it,

But I have been through my own type of shit,
I have had my own type of adversity,
And even though I’m not a celebrity,
Like all others who aren’t either,
We’re ALSO human with our own stories CLEARLY,

And once again..
It’s okay and I’ll try not to judge whoever prefers to not hear about my story..,

But among the least others can do,


(Instead of smirking at my like one guy on break at work today..)



Acknowledge it

Wishing for more of It

How can I remove my awareness from what is hurting it?
How can I remove my awareness from what is clouding my consciousness?

Do I witness as the energy passes,
I think we can infinitely clearly describe this,

in any of the infinite ways we happen to detach from this..

Just thought I’d post this..


On the tv while playing Klay Thompson’s story I tell a guy we “all have a story”,
And that I was writing a book about mine with autism and the guy just smirked at me,

Clearly Klay Thompson’s is far more important,

And once again the above stanzas show my insecure angry loser energy,
I’ve stepped on,
And no one cares about my atypical challenges but just care about the non-autistic Klay Thompson,

I don’t follow basketball yet my ego would love to have his kind of attention
Wish I was him,
Don’t mean to judge him,
But that spirit,
Whether or not he has it,

I wish to experience more of it

Struggling to Describe

So the bad energy doesn’t take out the deepest needed parts of my heart,
I automatically inwardly contract (or tighten?),
In response to other’s impatient emotional attacks (such as the chest and/or abdomen),

The more flak,
The harder it is to not inwardly contract,
The harder it is to not endanger myself by the way I emotionally react,

Others will blow up,
Then to protect myself,
I’ll inwardly close up,

But instead of going through life closed and
I must find a way,
To stay clear,
Because I know staying contracted is not open,
It’s not my capability,
Of staying strong in my inner positive spirit,
Consistently increasingly,


A lot of others don’t seem to take a look at how their mind navigates their awareness,
Sorry if you feel this to be my arrogance,
Many might not understand this,

They’ll say,
“How can you look at the mind!!?”
“It’s inside you”,
Because they cannot see how they’re viewing it literally,
Since they’re unaware internally,

Emotional awareness, detaching, noticing, breaking down and understanding,
To them,
Seems “other-worldly” unfortunately,

Of course,
This is how my ego compares states of less ego to others who it assumes don’t nearly as often experience,

I feel,
It’s crucial,
To detach from limiting perceptions,
So they don’t cloud our perceptions,
So they don’t give us hateful wrong assumptions,
So they don’t further endanger us towards tragic interactions,
Due to blindly not controlling intense emotional reactions,
Regardless of the truth in our perceptions,

I guess,
It’s practical,
To cultivate,
Detaching from unconscious reactions,
So we can see clearly,
And proceed with caution,
When responding to urgent,
Or any type of challenging occurrences,

During less ego filled awareness states,
I must use them to join other egoless states to help cleanse the present world state,

Instead of my ego turning my less egotistic states into arrogance and disdain towards others my ego assumes to experience less of this,

Of course this takes consistence,

Inhale, exhale,
But my ego can in whatever new and unexpected ways,
Blind me,
Even when I assume I’m “egoless”,
I can still be unaware of my ego infested unconsciousness..

All the painful negativity,
Insecurity and expectation,
I must detach and notice the energy without being part of it,

I must witness,
Instead of just allowing myself to unquestionably react to what I’m able to internally detach, break down and cleanse,

Clearly these are opinions,
And since this is a type of experience,
I still doubt my ability to put it into words will help any who hasn’t experienced this,
Understand this,

Even if they have experienced what I’m trying to say,
And still can’t understand what I’m trying to say,
I can’t ever precisely describe what I’m feeling anyway,
Since I believe that describing experience,
Is infinite,
in infinite ways,
Or forms,
Of describing

Most Practical

Instead of saying,
“That’s not what I meant”,
They (meaning any others..),
can instead,
Kindly repeat or rephrase,
what they meant,

Instead of saying,
“I’m going to beat you up”,
Even if they’re aggressively joking towards me,
In response to me unintentionally doing something wrong,
Could kindly,
Let their frustration,
In response to my learning challenges like paying attention,
Instead of unconsciously reacting to their inner frustration,
Then blasting it towards me,
Causing me to pay attention,
Even less clearly,
Causing the success of whatever team work procedure,
To be.. well.. LESS LIKELY,
At least for team spirit..
And as for all that distracting negativity..
Why not..
Join collectively to..
Clear it??
Cleanse it,
Whatever is the best way to put it..
Why not cleanse what’s inwardly holding us back,
To have clearer and clearer inner clarity for reaching and discovering infinite capability,
Whatever that may be,
Most practically,

Instead of aggressively asking,
“Are you trying to kill me?”
They could correct me,
If they were taught,
Or I guess..
It they had experiences that gave them motivation,
To experience MORE of the good spirit energy..
That is NOT consumed, filled and blinded by toxic negativity,
Regardless of the actual reality,

No matter the reality of negativity,
Don’t need to react with more negative energy,

Even if we have the most painful death imaginable as the reality,
More negative energy,
Will just add more,
And help us cope less,
With whatever painful inevitability,

Instead of aggressively asking..
“Did you not just hear me!!?”
They can kindly repeat themselves,

As for where most of our collective awareness seems to be at..
I wouldn’t expect most to get it..
Like I feel it,
Since they blocked it out,
Because it’s been blocked out before them,
And that blocking out of awareness was..
I would guess..
Unconscious and instinctual for survival,


I guess enough of our species now sufficiently understands..
We can do more,
If we understand a process,
For the inner healing process,
To process,
Break down,
Have our overall conscious awareness,
And needed thinking ability,

Instead of saying..
In a non-urgent context..
“Shut your mouth”,
They can say,
“I understand why you feel that way”,
If the context is urgent and the fewest words thinkable are required..
Instead of reprimanding someone,
Instead of giving them a criticism with zero guidance on another step on another path to follow to feel better,
Maybe instead,
They can remind whoever they are frustrated with,
As well as themselves,

Instead of aggressively exclaiming/asking.. (Or mostly exclaiming..),
“What is wrong with you!!!?”
They can say,
“I feel that way too”,
Or hopefully offer,
A helpful suggestion,
such as..
“Here’s something I would do”..

Instead of saying,
“Stop being a pussy”,
Maybe.. just maybe,
They can realize,
If they themselves cultivated healing/cleansing awareness,
They’ll more likely ALSO feel better internally,
They’ll more likely ALSO be less weighed down by stressful excessive negativity,
They’ll more likely ALSO be able to think,
And however experience,
Far more fulfillingly,
At least..
The positives will be MORE LIKELY,
As I would guess,

Instead of saying,
“You need to have thick skin”,
They can empathically say,
That true strength,
Starts with inhaling,
And gradual cleansing within..
And of course,
If there’s not enough time to say all that..
I guess,
They can say,
“Notice your breath”,
Because how is telling me what I need to,
Have, feel, experience, process, internally cleanse, etc..
Without suggesting to me a clear step to take towards attaining it,
Going to help me further attain it??

Instead of calling someone a…
Maybe we can join together,
And acknowledge our different world views,
While emotionally processing our demons,
In a way we can agree that we all see fit,
So we’ll more likely be able,
To work together,
To be there for each other,
To more and more selflessly,
Figure out practical ways,
To reduce what makes us suffer..

Instead of letting judgments from others harm ourselves,
I guess,
We can try more and more to detach from the painful feelings the judgements give us,
To let them pass through or over us without them filling us,
Whatever others negatively,
Or I guess,
Cruelly think or believe that may..
Or may not be true to whatever extent(s),
We can just do our best to consistently PRACTICE,
Detaching from HARMFUL ego proving,
And clear our excessive,
Narrow vision,
Of a “need” for ego “security” or “certainty”,
And be free from EXCESSIVE,
not needed,
pointless expectation,
And enjoy the fun stuff that won’t kill us,
Instead of focusing so much on..

But I know,
I struggle as well,
Just hope we struggle less,
And feel better more,

And regardless of what’s inevitable,
As we go on and on in whatever direction(s) we decide,
With all that is new that comes our way,
In whatever ways..,
I guess it’s just important to remember,
To keep asking ourselves,

What is most practical?

Or not..

Whatever mean judgments people emanate,
According to me,
Is NOT what they really mean,
Whether they know it or not..

I’ll still do themselves a favor and keep my autistic mouth shut,
On for posting less..
maybe not..


Whether they know it or not,
I have my atypical struggles,
They have theirs,

We share this planet,
And our egos can prevent us from realizing it,
Or forgetting it,
By getting emotional about bullshit,

Or not..



I hear a woman politely responding “happy new year”,
To the other well-adjusted customers,
As I leave I say “happy new year!”
And she overtly,
In front of everybody,
ignores me..,

And last night,
At a New Years social function,
Surrounded by around 100 others..,
I also remained by myself,
Which wasn’t a surprise..
Due to coming across the way I do,
As someone mildly-autistic,
With brutal emotional sensitivity,
That was exacerbated by others,
Which built up WORSE insecurity,
You can guess the story..

Thanks to how others treat me..
A big part of me,
Doesn’t care,
If all the careless,
Apathetic and insecure assholes destroy the planet..

Yet it’s unfortunate,
That they’re bringing me down with them,
Even though they don’t like me,
And I therefore struggle having compassion for them..,

(And I know I’m judging them in response to them judging me..
And even though it was obvious,
Just thought I’d try to respectfully acknowledge this..)

It is what it PRESENTLY is,
Such as..
what I’m presently carrying in my past,
Including despair I have for my own,
And the planet’s future..

If I’m wrong..
Then great!!

But what a big part of me,
Continues to hate..
Is that,
With the ubiquitous fossil fuel industry,
Why would “97 percent of climate scientists..” who have CONCLUDED that climate change is PRIMARILY a MAN MADE PROBLEM.. ACCORDING TO MULTIPLE STUDIES, ACCORDING TO NASA..,
(As you can research on Google or Safari.. here’s one link anyway: https://climate.nasa.gov/scientific-consensus.amp),
Are “bribed” by the invisible “trillion dollar” renewable energy company which I still don’t see even though it’s a “trillion dollar industry”..

Sure it could be a “trillion dollar industry”.. but what’s FAR MORE POWERFUL?? SERIOUSLY??

Instead of 3 percent of climate scientists being bribed by the freaking WAY MORE POWERFUL AND EVERYDAY fossil fuel industry..

Yeah I get it,
Making changes isn’t easy,

And it’s easier to conveniently deny the reality,
Although we still KNOW,
Time catches up EVENTUALLY..,

And I for sure have allowed my obsessive insecurity,
Prevent me,
From sufficiently consistently,
Joining efforts to,
Save life and civilization on Earth..

And welp..
No matter how deep we understand micro and macro issues..

At least..
As for us tragically,
Not working towards accessing and discovering more and more of our infinitely infinite conscious and/or as needed thinking ability..

I guess it’ll be over eventually..


VIP (Very Influential Prick)

Do I have to be rational all the time,
Can I be emotional part of the time,
Like the VIPs..
“Very Influential Prick(s)”,
I don’t always like it,
And why criticize me if you won’t sincerely join me in my vision to fix it?
Admitting it isn’t helping it..
I know you get it..

Happy 2022 again..


Still here..