Comparing makes me want to kill, I assume most others had it easier going up the same hill, Even with far less will, I keep going still, Without a so-called “quick-fix” pill, With my history, It hasn’t been easy to let go and chill, A lot hasn’t healed still,
But what’s the big fucking deal!!? The label autism is not the deepest of what’s real, I try to disidentify, But I’m a sensitive guy, I wish I didn’t wish many people who wronged me would die, I try to be a peaceful guy, But I want to be treated with respect as well, Please don’t give me hell, I hopefully won’t reciprocate as well,
Because.. I inevitably will get out of my shell, When I lose everything and have nothing to lose, When I can’t control myself and can’t rationally choose, That’s when I won’t forcibly make sure it’s not just me and a few others who is to lose..
I still identify with my history and it may still navigate me unforgivingly without allowing those who hurt me mercy..
If you don’t believe me, Read my book once it’s published hopefully, Although I can’t write about everything bad that others did to me since it’s been too many,
But if you dismiss it, If you tell me I’m “full of shit”, Or whatever that’s hurtful regardless of that.. I might just remember it, In another short story or poem, you may be the star of it,
Essentially, If you want to harm me, Please consider how it will effect me, and you, since we’re in an interdependent society and since I can’t always peacefully embody, It may be hard for me not to hurt you or anybody,
Since I’m “autistic”, It’s easy for you to use something against me, Get to know me and you’ll see (I know I said that already but it’s worth remembering evidently so you don’t choose to hurt me..),
But as confidence, or hopeless reckless destructiveness grows in me, We’ll also see, Truthfully, I wish harm on nobody,
What I’m saying here is precautionary, We can help each other, Or increase the level we suffer, Beneath any level of evil state we may be in, We don’t want to do or feel bad or immoral..
If we realign with rational ethical consciousness, True nature which creates functional goodness we’ll not only believe, but experience and manifest, Although it may be bad, Although humans may go extinct,
There can always still be existence, If it becomes nothing, There can always be something since something came from nothing..
As for me, I guess forgiveness, or letting go will get better..