When I was like 12.. My friend once saw a baby picture of me and indicated how large my head was..
My head grew large since my infant brain was trying to correct itself, Of course I got bullied by the smaller smarter heads, All this excess hasn’t helped me..
Most of me feels like a waste of space if I’m perceiving how I feel accurately.. I blame the morning sickness medicine called “Phenergan” my mom took while pregnant with me in the mid 90s, I blame the pharmaceutical industry or society, for not informing her how to deal with the brutal morning sickness differently.. That medication has probably gave me the problems I have that endangered me to wind up on more medication.. especially since I was vulnerable and sensitive..
But.. were the institutions and friends/bullies trying to tell me something I needed to hear? What else is still not clear that I need to feel better? Or am I just desperately looking for a convenient answer to feel better without considering long term/overall opportunity costs?
To be true to how I feel, Honestly, I don’t know what I truly feel, Unfortunately..
I just hope to feel better for longer.. I guess
I just overheard my mom saying she only took “half the dose they prescribed” since she read this poem.. God dammit. God fucking dammit. Imagine if she took the prescribed dose. Just fucking imagine.