Self-Idealistic Preaching

Even though life has not, “Thrown a lot”, At me yet, What I’m struggling with, Is still making me upset,

Will enough confidence, To sufficiently self-sustain myself, I ever sustain, If not get?

At my age, Sadly I still, Don’t feel close to ready yet,

Yet, I’m obligated, To play my part, To prevent advancing civilization, From structurally and morally, Falling apart,

Just because, Facing fears, May come easier to others, Does not mean they should, Guilt trip me, Since, I’ve had lots of pain already, And before doing anything, I must feel ready,

… 

Huhh.. 

How is talking idealistically going to best help me do what I say? I just need to remain on my way, To one day have an easier time getting through what comes my way, Each present of each day,

I know you get the point,

I need to get back to my most practical way, I guess we all know, or sense, that action is more trustworthy than what we idealistically say?

I’m still having a bad day, I’m struggling to accept, I won’t perfectly get my way,

It’s still been a challenge, As you may have guessed.. 

EVERY DAY

If I hate what I fear my vision won’t be as clear, And my inner and external irrationality may blind me, Which may dangerously, hurt my community, So I need to properly commit myself to self-improvement, Not just for myself individually,

Everybody, Speaking idealistically,

Obviously.. 

I can’t always sense other’s sense of right and wrong, I need to go back to my path, assuming I’m not on it? I can’t trust who “gets it”.. 

I guess.. 

The less I properly, consciously, push myself, step by step, out of my comfort zone, The more I unconsciously turn to be saved by,

Big Hierarchy,

Preaching to myself, Idealistically,

And if I don’t live by myself-idealistic-preaching, 

I’m still not sure who will truly assist me?

Although I fear that my level of fear may be adding to too much fear,

Man.. 

What was I thinking again?

Fear of Mad Cow disease as a punishment for MAD ubiquitous convenient indulgence?? 

For not liberating slaughter houses?

For not sticking to or forming a truly democratic union?

For being too in my fear and not disciplining myself to increase good power for the good energy?

Which social functioning party is now “brainwashing” me?

I’m trying so hard, yet feel so guilty!!  Where’s the empathy!! 

Rhymes sometimes distract me, Especially with “ADHD” in combination with “generalized anxiety”.. 

However,

I believe in expressing oneself to the best of their INTEGRITY,

Also, I have no patience, For petty, Middle/High school drama, Since I’m the age of a “grown-ass man”, People may shit-talk,  all they want, I’m STILL ACCOUNTABLE to stay on my walk, Or else I might unconsciously wastefully talk,

Idealistically speaking for myself, My attention needs to stay focused on “adulting” up, Although we all have our own extents of past and present trauma and individual innate response tendencies’ (I think?),  Which we may experience more of, If we don’t heal and build ourselves up, We’re still morally accountable if we screw up,

Yep, I still try to keep my head up, Even when being true to myself while writing causes a lot of emotions and past pain to come up,

I still must “adult up”, I still must keep my head up, Do I need to quote that? I don’t think so and I feel others know that..? 

I’m accountable to keep trying, Aside from the physical, To not get wastefully emotional, So I don’t contribute to a toxic energy mutation, So we don’t end up in an unstable emotional contagion,

These rhymes are sometimes all my ego looks for and I don’t know if anyone thought of them before?

If I don’t have consistent discipline for making more and more conscious decisions then I’ll hurt the community I’m in, I need to better myself, To be a better help, To myself and whoever else,

I’m still doing that, Still, Still ACCOUNTABLE like what I discussed in my last post,

As I said,

As I implied, Accountability continues on in infinite directions that continue infinitely,  Based on how I presently see, For those who forgot how they hurt me, It’s probably because they didn’t feel it as bad as me, Honestly.. 

And that is regardless of tests telling me I have a “good memory”, I’m still morally accountable of letting go of what does not positively productively serve me, Thanks for reading,

But if you “don’t get this”,

You may reread it more attentively,

In that regard I think I struggle similarly 

?

3 thoughts on “Self-Idealistic Preaching

  1. Zach, you are a very good person. You want the best for everyone and put great pressure on yourself to be perfect. I hope that others treat you kindly and with awareness of your sensitivity. As humans, we have a need to be a member of a group (in a family, group working together, etc. — we are social creatures) and we have a need to feel that we are a valued member. Each of us is unique, but we all have two BASIC needs — belonging and feeling valued. May everyone realize they are accountable for respecting other person’s need for belonging and being valued. I hope that worry and anxiety will soon be replaced by acceptance and joy in just being YOU, because we all begin to realize WE are accountable.

    Like

  2. Thank you, Zach, for sharing your writing.

    Love, Grandma Idelle

    On Mon, Oct 11, 2021 at 12:32 PM Zach Dana Writing wrote:

    > Zach Dana posted: ” Even though life has not, “Thrown a lot”, ” >

    Like

    1. Thank you for your comment grandma. Since I’m not tech-savvy, and have limited time, I don’t exactly know how to “approve” of everyone’s comments, and since I can’t trust everyone on the internet who may be trying to steal my information. These comments are very complicated and can make me anxious. Thank you again for your support.

      Love,

      -Zach

      Like

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