The less I channel my attention in a needed direction,
The more likely my needs will go unmet,
And the more in danger I’ll put myself of getting trapped in a deeper and and deeper painful hole,
Regardless of level of awareness and regret,
Of course,
My obsessive compulsive insecurity slows me down while building a long term life plan,
Now that I’m 26,
If I did not have learning and emotional challenges the way I do,
I would be doing way better,
I would’ve been slowed down way less and experienced way more,
Of what is more happier, peaceful, however beautifully meaningful,
But even WITH learning, social, emotional and whatever other challenges I have,
If I didn’t have the same level of bad experiences that gave me the same level of insecure, counterproductive behavior,
The WOW!!
My life could have been so much better,
If ALL my motivation was on practical goals,
And NOT once in any irrational obsessive holes,
Then I would,
Insanely more likely,
be surviving,
Even with my learning and social challenges..,
Just fine!!
But having learning and social challenges which PRODUCED even more challenges and/or vulnerabilities due to bad experiences, due to innate higher than typical challenges and/or vulnerabilities,
Has developed and kept my trapped in an insecure obsessive mindset that has been a major THREAT and/or hindrance to not only creating but living in alignment with any viable long term job blueprint,
And if I could have understood the “big picture” better,
The life blueprint and/or life plan I would have created would have been far, far clearer and I would be NAVIGATING through it FAR easier,
Yes..
It’s hard knowing and ESPECIALLY hard experiencing that most of my motivation is TOO INADEQUATELY invested in PRACTICAL long term life decisions,
But regardless of any destinations,
My head is still and will remain up,
And as for working towards any direction even when I don’t want to,
Or feeling the immense obsessive compulsive inner weight, immense hindrance and/or resistance the way I do,
I’ll NEVER give up on doing what I KNOW I’m supposed to,
I’m trying to do,
the best I presently know how to
Zach Dana Writing 