STILL AT IT

Although I have innate greater emotional reactivity,
I’m still not sure if others would tolerate me being mean to them to the same degree they are to me ?

It’s another day and I’m struggling to answer customers questions frequently, while I’m frequently assuming aggressions of whatever degree,

I’m not sure how much I’m repeating and if I am,
I’m not sure how much it’s necessary for stuff like needed emphasis evidently..

???

Since I met the obsessive goal..
Yes as expected,
I have other obsessive goal “rules” I haven’t exactly predicted..

And now,
After I felt a GREAT need to slow my posting..
The writing has just been flowing..

I know,
I have an innate tendency that has got worse due to others using it against me which is going to slow,
And the one time I put something on a narrow loaf of bread the woman aggressively said why I shouldn’t do that which was obvious,
And it’s obvious as I’ve posted since I missed the big picture,
How one of the supervisors didn’t understand either,
And she said as I always know that I’m “GOING TOO SLOW”,
And she’s like, “It’s like this”,
As I always know..
Yet with my energy boost I still FOR THOSE FEW MOMENTS wasn’t loading the carts at the register fast enough,

And since people DIED for others to have rights like me,
Since I was told that my place of work DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE AGAINST THOSE LIKE ME,
Since plenty of other employers or retailers would be TOO judgmentally dismissive, closed-minded and excessively scared to higher me..

So yes I’m repeating how I’m STILL struggling in a work environment that I’m told is highly regarded by many!!

Yet many will emphasize and remind me even though they probably know that I know I MUST NOT LET THE SMALL STUFF GET TO ME,
But with my history and inner pain blowing up in me,
I must stay peacefully alert and aware of the slightest aggression NOT catastrophically putting my and other’s life in jeopardy..

And I’m definitely repeating this since I’m faced with numerous similar occurrences..

Those typical individuals that have a JOVIAL time with other typical individuals displace their insecurity on me when present stress causing it to resurface in the presence of me,

CAUSING ME TO WRITE DURING MY BREAKS INSTEAD OF ENJOYING THEK WITH PRESSURE TO WRITE BEFORE I FORGET,

Yet I’ll repeat that truth that what goes away may always return clearer..

YESTERDAY,
I posted “STILL WITH IT”,
And as I repeated with other examples including that poem “Always More”,
I just had to ALSO write this since there’s ALWAYS MORE such as today as I expected it ..

There’s so much bullshit I can’t possibly write about all I experience of it..
At least not adequately since there’s SO DAMN MUCH OF IT,

I get it,
I can’t be causing problems due to my emotional and social challenges but I DIDN’T,

Practically everyone, regardless of their mood, safely, successfully, still purchases enough essentials and shit..
So even though I have not caused TOO much of any problems,
I still must prepare for more bullshit ..

And yes,
Some I’m around emphasize and get it even if they have periods where they can’t stand it,
Due to whatever they’re dealing with while being in this FAST PACED ENVIRONMENT..

But if I didn’t have all these inner struggles weighing me down..
WOW!!

I’d be so much more..

WITH IT,

And to HONOR those who died or somehow gave their lives so I can have a job and these rights,

FOR THEM,

And myself..

I’M STILL GOING AT IT!!!!!