And That

As always,
In my beliefs,

Whether we’re spiritually separate or not,
My ego,
Instead of healing,
It’s unconscious developed inner roots of insecurity,
It instead seeks,
To create an “identity”,
Even if it’s in the form of a “victim mentality”,
Such as clinging to its sad story..
(Source: Eckhart Tolle, “A New Earth”, (2005), page 87),

Such as talking about how the “Bubblegum club” members cruelly excluded me,
while I was in third grade,
at the YMCA,
I saw the leader twice,
And he still glared at me,

Among plenty other instances I can remember,
Of unconscious,
insecure judgmental energy others gave me,
Which manifested,
in irrationality such as brutal power tripping unconscious behavior that I would guess resulted from their own trauma..,
?

Okay so..,
This might be a non-sequitur?
Yet not letting go,
I guess is the control,
Of my unconscious selfish ego?

And what I’m guessing,
my ego is presently doing,
Is wanting,
To try to cling to writing to sound “insightful”,
Even if the writing talks about “giving up the ego”,

(Source: Eckhart Tolle, “The Many Faces of Ego”,YouTube, (2021) https://youtu.be/6StRwsSBubw)

Including trying to seem “profound”,
By admitting what I just described,
What I believe my ego is presently doing,
Etc, etc..,
To of course,
Take my attention away from my present appreciation,
Since it’s insatiable expectations,
Continually,
Narrow my attention,
And ability,
To accept,
whatever I pass through presently,

I guess,
In other words,
As of now,
My ego wants to put into words,
The clearest understanding of infinitely infinite true nature,
That words have ever described up to this point,
In order to feed it’s sense of identity (aka: sense of separateness (regardless if we’re separate or interconnected)),
And yes..
Regardless of the extent of how “egoic”,
“egoless” or even possibly equanimous(?) my awareness was when just writing that,
My ego,
Of course,
Still is now trying to cling to that,
And that (what I just admitted),
And that,

And that

…