Regain

If I remember correctly,
A friend told me,
“What’s valid for us isn’t valid for them”,
And I wish I was them,
Although I may understand,
I still didn’t experience what they did,

Now,
I don’t mean to assume what my friend meant,
Yet,
I don’t like viewing people in separate categories,
No matter how much truth there may ever be,
Stereotypically,

I believe we’re still beings,
With sensitive feelings,
No matter what is true or not,

Huhh..

Since I’m susceptible to getting emotionally hurt,
I’m susceptible to blocking out the pain,
With quick-fix medication,
However prescribed,
Or in recreation,

Since I hate who I am,
How can I expect them to like me?

Since I get derailed from my truth repeatedly,
How can I expect to let go of harmfully painful expectations sufficiently??

I wish I didn’t feel,
In an inferior category,

Yet at least,
I still feel there’s something deeper,
Than what I experience,
And feel,

Surfacely,

…

Many say to me,
“You’ll be fine”,
Then I feel unwell,
And I often blame people who I feel don’t treat me well,
Sometimes I feel that,
It feels like,
mental hell,

Many say to me,
“You’ll do great”,
Then I get derailed,
And repeat failures I hate,
..,
Still,
Having support,
I’m trying to increasingly,

Appreciate,

Still,
It’s been a rough road,
And I don’t know what’s to come,
..,
Maybe I’ll keep feeling mistreated,
Rejected,
Then return to being painfully isolated??

Don’t know,
??
I try to stay with the flow,
Yet it’s been a rough current,
And the waves keep tackling and disorienting me,
And I drown in damaging pain,
Get torn apart by..
Yes, a shark..
Or whatever is brutal and dark,
Making me more insane,

And breathing,
Or awareness,

Is something I struggle to remember,
To try to,

Regain,

And even if I receive positive feedback from fake accounts,
And/or,
Artificial intelligence,
And/or,
A desperate person trying to steal my personal information,
And/or,
Kidnap and do horrific shit me,
Or whatever it is,
and why,
At least..,
I still feel,
Like I’m,
Helping,
In some way,

Whatever whoever real or fake is trying to get from me,
At least they may also be hearing,
What I feel is worth,

Sharing..?

At least some form of intelligence,
Appears to be,
Kindly,
Listening..,
??

And I still struggle..,
With not killing my liver and brain cells,
When killing all my present excessive sensitivity,
Resulting from insecurity,
Because of being an easy target,
For others to..,
Hurt me