Just Maybe

You get mad at me for getting offended,
Yet,
You got mad when I laughed at you,
When people call you “12 years old”,
To me,
You didn’t seem to like that,

I’m sure you’ll gaslight me,
By trying to intimidate or however,
Slander me,
By asking “how is that?”
Or,
“What are you talking about?”

Well..

When I made that post,
And all the feelings and examples I tried to communicate,
Instead of making me feel heard and validated,
You first acknowledged the effects it was having on me,
Yet then appeared to blame me for feeling offended,

And like you and many don’t know what side you’ll see of me,
I’d say I feel towards,
Quite similarly,

I know you shared a lot with me,
I understand even though I experienced and see the world quite differently,

Yet,
Even after all I shared with you,
On why the small things get to me,
You had to shame me,
By telling me,
“Everyone treats you fine”,
Yet,
The few times,
That I felt,
I treated you,
the way you treated me,
I felt you responded aggressively,

And I felt overpowered immensely,
You didn’t even let me post about how I felt..
And as for grievances and confidentiality,
So many who I sent my post about you to,
Told you,
WITHOUT telling me,

And I’m like..
As many of us are..,
What happened to our chapter in that fraternity!!?
I’m glad you among other included me,
Yet,
Maybe,
It just wasn’t meant for me??
Yet you guys were the only group who appeared to accept me..,
I felt it was the best option being offered to me..,

And I’m trying so hard,
To give you all the benefit of the doubt,
To not be “overly-sensitive”,
To keep stuff positive,
If tried so long,
And so hard,
And I know..,
It’s not only me faced with pain and adversity..,

I understand why I can be hard to stand,
Yet,
I try so hard to let go of what sticks with me,
I try so hard to not get offended,
Yet sometimes my feelings,
Just abruptly,
burst out of me,

So I understand,
why you want space from me,
But I also want you to remember,
how you were there and understood me,
And any positives you felt from me,

Please,
Please,
If you can just,
Try again,
To see deeply,
While using the awareness,
To once again,
Heal this,

Huhhh,

You know I was diagnosed with a “disability”,
You know I struggle with inner hyper-emotional reactivity,
You know I have a rough history,
Am I still not communicating clearly?
Do you still not understand me?

I know you’re awareness is in there,
Somewhere,

I know I make choices and decisions,
I know I’ve struggled at doing what’s best from me,
Yet you know how I struggle,
You know I have a good memory,
And that a lot of pain I still carry with me,

I’m sorry for not showing deeper appreciation,
Yet I want to be honest,
With a more honest understanding,
About how I feel,
I truly been feeling,

I just hope you remember,
When you were there for me,
And whatever you may have appreciated about me,
Regardless of all the dark negativity,
That you know has derailed me,

I just wish,
That both of us,
Could understand each other,
More consciously,
More frequently,

And maybe stuff could work again,
Similar,
If not even better,
Then how it used to be,

Because,
Well,
You were the only friend,
Who seemed to,
Want to, And/or was able to, Hang with me,

And I’m trying to chill,
Once again,
And accept,
What I struggle to accept,

So maybe,
Just maybe,

We’ll meet again,

??

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