Social Rejection Snowball Effect

I may have memories of being bullied remaining in me,
Trauma that I struggle to control daily,
Which causes me to kill the vibe,
And then causes others to not want to be around me,

Then I feel that pain in isolation,
Then take out my anger on social media,
Then others who see me,
Get even more scared and then want even MORE distance from me,
And that INCREASING distance,
Often makes me even MORE sad,
Angry and crazy,

So yes,
As others become more distant,
I become more crazy,
And as my craziness increases,
Their avoidance increases,
Causing an increase in my craziness,
And an increase in others becoming scared of me..,
And of course an increase in painful loneliness builds in me,
Causing me to act (or appear) even more crazy,
And others wanting to even MORE avoid me..,
(As I’m trying to emphasize deeply..),

So yes,
As for finding out HOW,
To be more chill,
And not kill,
The “vibe”,

Guess(?) I can remind myself,
To do my best,
To come back to my inner body,
So I reduce the craziness,
And so others may see that,
I also want fun social interaction peaceful appreciation,

How it’s been a challenge,
To manage,
In isolation

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