Passing By

A lot of my life has already passed me by,
And I’ve posted about plenty of reasons I see why,

Well,
When have I not been passing by?
Now..,
I’m just passing by as a sentient “autistic”,
Anxious “neurodivergent”,
Physical manifestation,

I would NOT wish my life on anyone,
And..,
I hope we compassionately identify the causes of evil,
I hope we make it better for ourselves and everyone..,
And maybe what I just said did not connect well?

WELL,

I hope for more peace,
Less mean judgment,
Less hell,

Sometimes the isolation,
(As I feel to have made repeatedly clear..),
Causes me to seek inner peace in ways harmful for me in the future,

I’ll block out the pain I’m experiencing now,
For additional pain later..,
And I still wish I didn’t have to worry,
About being in the ER someday while like..,
“Oh I should have never chosen to drink!!”
..,
Or..,
“I should have never taken that medication!!”
Or..,
“I should have stuck with meditation!!”
Yet,
Will I think back to the causes?
In that particular type of moment?

Will I have compassion for myself?
To alleviate the inner criticism tension?
That may just be additionally exacerbating my condition..?

And even though a lot of life may continue to pass me by(?),
Even though I may never experience,
So much of what I could have experienced..,

?

Well,
Just peacefully witnessing,
The passing,
May help me,
Further develop the inner peace I need,
To more likely make the decisions,
That’ll more deeply serve me,
That’ll make it MORE likely,
That I’ll experience more,
Of whatever I prefer,

?

And of course,
I feel no matter what I do,
There’s always a degree of uncertainty,
And of course,
I’ll therefore,
Try to develop,
Try to find,
More inner peace in addition to settling my mind..,

And yes..,
I’ll just,
Try to,
Essentially,
More peacefully,
Continue,

Passing by