New and the Same

I feel:

For one..,
If I try to “fake it till I make it”,
Many others just,
May NOT “buy it”,
..,
And as for paths to awakening I feel many just do NOT try it,
They may be so set in their ways and feel it’s just “not worth it”(?),
..,
Huhhh..,
I must keep doing what I can that’ll increase the likelihood of me NOT overthinking,
Yet INSTEAD that’ll help me think clear and critical,
And if I obsessively overthink,
Many others just MORE likely may think I’m “delusional”,
And/or however unstable..,
?
And well,
I’m going to keep being real,
And of course I’ll try to keep being,
Peaceful,
Rational and civil,
And I also feel:

One random belief I want to share,
Is that,
Well,
(Although I doubt it..),
If aliens happen to also naturally look like humans,
Then (according to me) that just means life energy manifests in certain similar patterns (regardless if there are deities or not..(?)),
And well..,
Whatever can infinitely newly manifest and/or create and/or “control” whatever and however in the external,
Doesn’t it all come back to,
The SAME,
Life energy?
As the infinitely deeper source?

And well..,
As for whatever infinite new ideas and/or beliefs/deep realizations that can possibly be infinitely more clearly expressed (and that I just may never get to share (even if they pass through my awareness..(?)),
Well,
At least (I believe) the truth is always there(?),
..,
Even if I frequently MISS the chance to convey a certain level of understanding of it(?),
At least it’s always here with me,
..,
At least,
(I believe..),
There’s always that deeper life energy,
That just IS,
And that just does NOT,
NOR can be “perfectly” explained,
Including because its energy,
Not words,
(For example..),

And for example,
Anything new I write about such as..,
Any type of new feeling,
Occurrence..,
In essence..,
I believe,
Can always (at least to some extent(s)),
Be traced back to at least some truth I felt to have talked about before,
?

Such as if,
(For example),
Another person does something mean,
And then I have new words and expressions to describe the negative occurrence,
Yet,
I believe,
Even though there may be infinitely new experiences with infinitely new ways of describing and/or deeply explaining them,
Yet..,
To whatever extent positive or negative,
And/or..,
To whatever extent peaceful or painful,
I feel,
It just comes back to some kind of energy,
(For example),
..,

So,
For example,
However new,
And however newly the occurrence can be described,
The explanation may be the same one,
?
I guess it just may (for example) come back to a same kind of energy(?),

Such as NEW unexpected forms of meanness resulting from the SAME forming and perpetuating unconsciousness,
And to be more positive about this..(?),
I guess(?),
Another example could be(?),
New forms of kind,
Peaceful brilliance,
Due to a deeply discovered awareness,

And yes,
I hope,
Of course,
For there to be less and less perpetuating unconsciousness,
And therefore,
More and more,
Profound awareness,
For profound experience,
That human unconsciousness could NOT have been conscious of because it’s unconscious..,
..,
Hence,
Of course,
I hope for NEW yet CONSCIOUS experiences,

And since I can NOT control the external,
Such as others I may be forced to work and/or interact with..(?),
Such as what happened to me in the past that I can NOT change,
Well,
All I can do,
Is remember,
To keep checking in,
To try to sufficiently see how I’m experiencing within,
Since as for whatever I experience and do,
I believe my inner experiences/inner awareness,
To be,
The foundation,
Such as,
For any of my choices,
Decisions,
And/or actions,

And well,
Even though I can NOT completely alleviate an inner painful feeling through something totally different (than a feeling) such as thinking..,
I’ll just throw it out there,
That,
Hypothetically speaking..,
Especially since I may understand the level of truth I need to remember,
Why write about every new surface occurrence..?
Such as others and their meanness(?),
..,
If I already understand (for example) that it is just another form of unconsciousness..(?),
And if I already know how to stay safe by developing inner peace to stay peaceful and NOT dangerously react NOR be as badly inwardly affected from the toxic energy..(?),

And as for anything I post,
If it implies something deeper,
(The same deep essence I tried pointing to before or not..),
Then why explain myself every time..(?),
Feeling a need to constantly explain myself,
Does get exhausting,
And I do believe if there was more critical awareness,
Then maybe I’d feel like others would come to realize a lot of what I obsessively explain (such as what I put in parenthesis including THIS),
..,
So yes,
I’d guess(?),
If I felt there was MORE critical awareness,
I’d feel a need to explain LESS,
And I hope I do NOT feel an obsessive need to further explain that..,
..,
Just all this feeling of “needing to explain”,
Even if it’s to make myself feel more “secure” and “certain” that someone publicly shared and “explained it”..,
Well,
For me,
It just,
Gets,
Too,
Exhausting,

Essentially I feel that,
If I already sufficiently understand what it is and how to respond to it,
Well..,
I do NOT think I always have to write about it..,
Such as..,
I can remind myself of what I must do,
To,
Just,
Peacefully remain present,

And of course,
If and/or however much I may choose or decide to continue..,
I just may write about whatever I see as fit..(?),
And for “whatever reasons” due to whatever..,
Yet..,

I just thought I’d remind myself,
That no matter the new stuff I experience,
And may feel an obsessive urge to post about,
Well,
At least I feel I already posted about,
And/or remember,
Deeper truths under all of this,
..,
Under any new occurrence(s),
I ever encounter..,

If I miss an opportunity to share what I feel a NEED for others to hear,
At least,
The truth,
Remains with me,

And an example of what I believe to be a deeper truth,
Is that underneath any type of individual and/or collective action and/or interdependent functioning,
Is,
A type,
Of developed,
and/or uniquely shaped over time,
(However conscious or unconscious),
Awareness,
..,
Such as (of course) any extents of recurring physical,
mental,
verbal,
emotional,
and/or spiritual traumas,
That an individual (or group) is to whatever extent(s) consciously healed from..(?),
..,
For example..,
To different extents,
People may experience trauma that uniquely develops insecurity which they uniquely handle in different ways..,
Whether it’s to try to “make up” for it by bullying others (how their parents bullied them which may be traced back to a species’ unconscious survival reactions to harsh geographic conditions aside from whatever other experiences (such as safety from predators even if they were predators (such as an Allosaurus trying NOT to get killed then eaten by another Allosaurus(?)) that also unconsciously shaped subsequent perpetual social behavior..(?)) and/or an example of this bullying to try to “compensate” for insecurity that has been exacerbated by psychological trauma (for example) may be through political and corporate power..(?),
Whether it’s to “block it out” through self-medication and/or prescriptions,
Or whether it’s to further consciously heal and/or further truly awaken through inner healing awareness practices..,
Etc, etc..,
?

And yes..,
I guess,
Just maybe..,
I just did NOT need to explain all that..(?),

And with me obsessively including the parenthesis possibly making it more confusing for whoever decides to read instead of skimming over that..(?),
Well,
In a basic nutshell..(?),
Essentially,
I believe,
Dominant survival needs,
Shaped a dominant type of inner awareness (or unawareness),
That has been passed down from species as they evolved from generation to generation..,

?

I’ll add that I believe that,
(And I guess to somewhat reword it..(?)),
As species evolved,
So did their awareness,
Such as,
Whether it was to feel a need to emotionally suppress,
Or consciously awaken..(?),

And as for whatever may be infinitely NEW,
That can be infinitely explained,
I believe,
Life energy,
To be,
The SAME,

And I hope that was sufficiently CLEAR,
And as always,
I hope to safely remain,
Clear,
And therefore,
Inwardly,

Peaceful,

And yep,
I’d say,
A lot of it comes back to,
How I safely handle my response to inevitable experience(s),
Internally,

Yep,
For me it has NOT been easy,
Yet I try to keep seeking,
Increasing,
Peace,

Within me

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