Still at Peace

I feel I’m just noticing as:

The obsessive compulsive energy is passing through me,
Including my ego,
Wanting to sound insightful,
..,
Yet I’ll admit,
As for my practice..,
Well..,
I haven’t been keeping up..,

And well,
As for this moment..,
I’m still..,
Noticing my natural breathing,
Noticing my chest expanding and contracting,
And I still (I guess(?))..,
Feel inner tension untangling..,
Or maybe that’s the alcohol’s inner numbing..?

Regardless..,
Even if I’m not in the clearest inner state,
With the fanciest,
Most elaborate and spot on figures of speech to describe it..,
I’d say as for what I need to do..,
I get it,

And of course I’d say..,
There’s just an infinitely deeper way,
To “brilliantly” convey it..,

?

And even though I have not been close to “perfect”..,
And regardless of how I may excuse or describe personal historic/environmental causes of that..,
Well..,
As for this moment..,
At least I’m still somewhat at peace with that..,

And as for whoever may disagree with me,
Such as due to their shaped world views that want to dismiss everything I been through,
And simply say I just have a “chemical imbalance”,
Or conveniently call my struggles a “mental illness”,
Well.. what can I do?

Why overthink?
Why lose sleep?
Why get internally emotionally imbalanced?
Why build ill will..?
Due to their impatient dismissal of my lived experience(s)..?
Or whatever disagreements they may inwardly carry..?

I can’t change what’s in them,
I can only find peace in me,

And even though I just happened,
To have not been perfect at it,

Well,
At least I’m still somewhat at peace,

As for this present moment