I presently feel:
Whether within capitalism or not,
There’s lots of perpetual emotionally damaged insecure energy,
That looks to capitalize on weaknesses in others to access, rediscover and sustain a feeling of “superiority”,
And of course there may be infinite forms with infinite extents in all (or infinite) directions,
So may I have some continual relief from pressure to “perfectly” describe it,
And therefore may I feel more inwardly clear in order to more clearly describe whatever I wish to and is possible in writing,
Of course with the hope of helping me and others..,
Okay so,
As implied for various intricate reasons,
My predispositions/labels/lived experiences that shaped/damaged my awareness development,
Significantly,
Make me lack needed confidence to capitalize in capitalism,
And well,
In order to be morally “in it to win it”,
I feel I must properly remember to sustain focus on a viable inner awareness development track that’ll therefore underlie whatever I chose to pursue externally,
..,
Since knowing how to develop a TRUE winning spirit starting at its truest deepest inner roots,
Will help me have the awareness I need,
To meaningfully succeed,
Or to truly “win” it,
Yep,
I’ve always found opportunities hard to capitalize on,
Even in capitalism,
..,
If people don’t understand that play on words then I’m at another loss of words..(CAPITALIze in CAPITALIsm is in the word..),
And if I made you feel criticized due to not understanding it, it’s all good, I’ll try continuing with this post to reduce chances of losing focus on the bigger (less detailed/easier to connect and remember) picture..,
Since in order to “win it” I gotta remain focused and not “over explain” right!!?
(Such as going from point to point instead of stopping to explain each connection..),
..,
Well.., I really must stay alert of people who egoically unconsciously insatiably ABUSE their awareness,
..,
The more RARE the opportunities are,
The greater the pressure is to NOT “mess up” distracts and causes me to mess up,
..,
Since I’m emotionally hyper-reactive,
..,
And that surrounding egoic judgmental energy,
Gives my fragile ego more pressure to be viewed at least somewhat positively,
Which of course distracts me..,
And makes me more vulnerable to being forced on emotional regulation psychiatric medication which may be more HARMFUL for me (in a different way due to side-effects)..,
ETC, ETC, ETC..,
Since the for-profit/ego-power decided to CAPITALIZE by for-profit “research” conclusions (such as omitting harmful conclusions of prescriptions in any “research” disclosed to sell the drug)..,
Okay and as for general unconscious judgment..,
Yet since those egos who judge me negatively are not aware,
Why must I seek validation from those who are also unaware and who I would NOT look up to?
Therefore assuming their awareness is not at a higher level than mine??
..,
In addition to just practicing NOT being excessively distracted by unconscious inner pressure of being liked by others (however aware or not),
I guess I may say(?),
It’s my unconscious insecure mind and other unconscious insecure minds that look to capitalize the external,
Instead of practicing finding and developing inner foundational peace being consciously with our present manifesting feelings internally,
Instead of being in touch with our deeper beingness which (I believe) we’re an inseparable part of perpetually,
?
I feel it seems,
The insecure emotionally damaged mind just looks to the external instead of healing the inner traumatized/emotionally damaged roots that seek to make up for resulting and perpetuating egoic insecurity without ever finding the deeper inner causes of the perpetuating insecure unconscious forces(?),
Instead of proceeding down an inner development path of clearing inner emotional pain/trauma,
I feel the ego just unconsciously insatiably seeks to externally capitalize,
And well..,
(Since it’s insatiable),
I feel it seems,
There’s just never enough power the insecure ego can win,
Whether in capitalism and/or whichever economic, Political,
Or any conceivable power feeding system..,
For example,
Whether it manifests as an individual and/or collective unconscious insatiable egoic internally unaware mental external seeking mentality(?),
Or however an insatiable form of unconsciousness may manifest..(?),
I guess we can get so increasingly lost in our minds,
Such as losing more and more touch with the deeper life energy our PRESENT physical form always manifest from as it passes through stages of development and/or however many continuing lives..(?),
(which may have began longer/infinitely before (this present moment and before all physical sentient manifestations) such as there being nothing except empty life energy space(?)),
..,
Yeah I know I can never “know”,
Huhhh..,
As for me and my attempted moral path to success however I see fit,
I just have to catch myself when losing focus,
And SPOT when my unconscious egoic mind steers me off track into obsessive compulsive excessive unorganized incoherent over-analysis to try feeling better about itself such as by feeling “smart”,
..,
Well..,
My egoic mind..,
Operates to make me lose focus and/or prevents me from rediscovering or becoming in touch with my deeper inseparable internal and external surrounding beingness,
For reasons (like I said) such as trying to validate itself by partaking in further and further analysis (however logical or not),
Which (of course) may happen to include trying to describe egoless beingness..(?),
So as my ego obsessively (to whichever rational or IRrational degree) analyses..,
It makes me more out of touch and makes me lose more needed survival clear awareness,
For success,
Hence if I expand my awareness beyond my mind and beyond any forms of unconscious/egoic forces,
The more presently in alignment I may become with what surrounds me(?),
..,
And that clearer expanded inner powerful awareness,
May just be key,
To capitalizing,
However I see fit that’s in alignment with my integrity,
Wherever I am,
In a capitalist society,
Or whatever society it might be,
?
I feel I just must practice,
Instead of wasting time analyzing it
And I’d say,
It’s awareness,
Of the deepest roots,
Of underlying awareness
Zach Dana Writing 