Some beliefs I presently feel to be true/stuff I felt a need to share are that:
I just can NOT spot all the forms of ego,
Hence,
They just may be infinite..?
Yet conscious clear energy may also be infinite..?
Hence,
Instead of infinitely analyzing about it..,
Well..,
I can still just keep doing my best,
To stay safe from it and/or it’s obsessive,
Insecure,
Toxic pain feeding energy..?
..,
I can develop my awareness to spot any new forms of unconscious energy when immensely necessary,
And well..,
For reasons such as that,
Since the ego is always in seeking mode,
I feel the ego just can NOT be truly present,
The ego just keeps on looking,
Never finds,
Nor truly stops to deeply appreciate..,
(Source: Eckhart Tolle, “A New Earth”, (2005), pages 201-202, Penguin Books, New York, New York),
(Source: Eckhart Tolle, “The Many Faces of Ego”, January, 19th, 2021, YouTube, https://youtu.be/6StRwsSBubw),
(Source: Eckhart Tolle, “A New Earth”, (2005), page 146, Penguin Books, New York, New York),
And well..,
I guess the ego,
Negativity,
Painful overthinking and/or the pain-body,
May all be the same type (or virtually the same type) of dark,
Unconscious painful energy..?
(Source: Eckhart Tolle, “A New Earth”, (2005), pages, 112, 173, 181, Penguin Books, New York, New York),
Maybe other egos will criticize my ego for occasionally clinging to a victim mentality..?
(Source: Eckhart Tolle, “A New Earth”, (2005), page 87, Penguin Books, New York, New York),
So yes,
Egos may criticize other egos for their egoism?
Egos may preach about egolessness..?
Etc, etc..,
Some egos may look for negativity to complain just to get attention?
Some egos may look for something that is “wrong” in order to feel a sense of “security” by proving themselves “right”?
(Source: Eckhart Tolle, “Breaking Addiction to Negative Thinking”, February 18th, 2018, YouTube, https://youtu.be/j91ST2gtR44),
(Source: Eckhart Tolle, “A New Earth”, (2005), page 67, Penguin Books, New York, New York),
My ego is now looking to more deeply convey what it views as another “insight”..,
And when writing the first draft of this I lost sleep that night..,
And I also lost sleep tonight..,
Since I failed to control all these inner conflicting energy forces..,
Ahhh!!
The more I forget to accept and focus on my inner naturally occurring sensations (starting with my breath),
The more the inner tension just feeds and feeds..,
The more pressure I have to put into writing what I feel a need to,
The harder it is for me to clearly connect my thoughts to clearly put into words..,
Hence the MORE pressure,
The LESS likely I get anywhere..,
My ego is never satisfied with how much it can understand itself,
Yet the MORE I truly spot my ego,
I’m LESS I’m unconsciously controlled by it..,
..,
And/or,
My mind can NOT analyze presence since (in my belief) being lost in thought is not being truly consciously present,
(Source: Eckhart Tolle, “The Power of Now”, page 93, (1997), New World Library, Novato, California),
Huhh..,
As for all that’s “wrong”,
I just struggle to find the peace I need,
To NOT get derailed,
To just stay strong,
And keep moving along..,
I feel to expand my awareness,
I must be present WITHOUT narrowing my awareness through my mind’s analysis,
..,
The more I recognize and step out of my unconscious reaction(s) to what is,
The more I consciously realign with what is,
..,
The more I step out of and instead witness thought and emotion,
The less blinded I am by thought and emotion,
The more I expand my awareness,
..,
The more aware of my awareness I am,
The LESS blindly controlled by narrow awareness such as thoughts and emotional unawareness alone,
..,
Hence,
The more I can consciously distinguish what is present from my mind’s reaction to what is present,
And,
The more aware and less controlled by the reaction I am..,
Hence I’m watching my inner reaction manifest and pass through me instead of being caught and lost within its unconscious current..,
..,
And if my mind’s reaction is negative thinking,
Well..,
It’s crucial I detach,
Witness,
And give it LESS power for MORE inner peaceful beingness..,
Hence,
My reaction to what I experience is NOT what I experience,
(Source: Mooji, Infinite Love Meditation Club, September 16th, 2022, “Mooji – DO NOT WORRY – 3 Wisdom Messages” YouTube, https://youtu.be/ZqxqxIqlulg),
(Source: Eckhart Tolle, “A New Earth” (2005), page 110, Penguin Books, New York, New York),
The MORE I remind myself to witness an emotional reaction (for example) as it forms and passes through me,
The LESS likely I am to be blindly controlled by it,
And well..,
If someone curses me out..,
Or worse..,
I feel I just must keep sticking it out,
If people act nasty,
I’ll try NOT getting lost in my resulting emotional reactivity,
I just must keep finding that peace within me,
And of course address whatever I need to peacefully..,
Yet once again,
Instead of developing peaceful present awareness within,
I’m rambling about toxic unconscious mean energy..,
Huhh..,
(Well.. maybe this writing can be (at least) somewhat useful..?),
I just wish for it to stop getting to me..,
I just want to be more at peace,
And not always feel like I need to go deep in some other analysis..,
I’ll think..,
And the thinking will just never end,
(As for what I write..),
I’ll want to include this,
Then I’ll want to include that and that,
INSTEAD,
Of just,
Being,
In the PRESENT MOMENT,
I feel I just must think..,
Only when necessary..,
And well,
Even if my mind overthinks,
Instead of adding inner resistance pain NOR trying to think my way out of overthinking (in order to REDUCE overthinking..(since trying to think my way out of excessive thinking would create more thinking(?))),
Well,
Maybe I can once again try to,
Just notice as the energy is passing,
While sustaining and cultivating neutral non-reactive peaceful awareness,
As I witness,
The passing inner sensations of whatever I may presently experience
(Source: Mooji, “I’m Giving You a Big Secret — Don’t Fight the Mind!”, August 14th, 2021, YouTube, https://youtu.be/3DcxBZ8uiQs),
(Source: Alan Watts, Mindfulness 360 – Center for Mindfulness, “Your Thoughts” Alan Watts, October 9th, 2017, YouTube, https://youtu.be/WR1JcEJ97Eg),
(Source: Alan Watts, T&H – Inspiration & Motivation, “The Mind – Alan Watts”, July 5th, 2014, YouTube, https://youtu.be/emHAoQGoQic),
(Source: Alan Watts, True Meaning, “Alan Watts – Don’t Think Too Much”, October 14th, 2021, YouTube, https://youtu.be/WfVJUKlbWVw)
Zach Dana Writing 