Cruel and Unusual Perfectionism

I believe in NON-traumatic freedom of emotional expression,
And I fear I’ll be hurt if I express that belief in the wrong way,
at the wrong time,
to the wrong person,
in the wrong social/whatever related context,
And I guess my labels drastically affected my confidence to have a term of endearment I’m allowed to use..?
Maybe the “energy” will teach me..?
Is it remaining jealousy..?

If you presently wish to keep reading,
I wish you discover at least something..,
That remembers me as more than a number,
And/or MORE than some autistic male who “kills the vibe” in every social interaction..,

No need to panic,
I just take what comes,
And respond,
Make choices,
And I..,
To however,
(I see fit for myself and whoever surrounds me),

Not to be too hard on myself,
Yet I’m not sure if I “PERFECTLY” grammatically pieced these following words together,
Hence I GUESS(?) I feel that:
And well..,
If you somewhat know your inwardly clear common sense moral RIGHTS maybe(?) you’ll also feel that:

Many other unconscious irrational forces may (feel a “need” to) punish me for even the slightest imperfection severely,
I guess that is..,
My remaining “ADHD”..?
Unconscious past experiential discouragement..?
For one I feel I’ll need safe consistent sleep if I’m going to ethically analyze it,

Okay and as for this next stanza,
By “they” I’m referring to ANY individual/group surface level identities..,
So presently I’ll define myself as a peaceful non-violent human with varying extents of varying emotion..,
Yet instead of deeply understanding a complex inner anatomical emotional equation shaped by lived experience,
It’s easiest to say,
In some way that I have a “chemical imbalance”..,
Remain indifferent,
And define it as being “present”,

Of course practically speaking I try remaining peacefully present for myself and others,
Yet I fear that,
Many others’ present (changing) world views will use whatever they find deeply against me,
And when I kill the vibe the forces within others may have medication to suggest for me..?
Chemical terms to describe me,
Without reciprocating empathy because the label(s) they diagnose within me are all they have time for..?

Yeah I still remember that it’s NOT just about me,

(And my ego sometimes says if I repeat the same word too many times my cognitive/whatever type of “big picture” inner awareness may dangerously shrink..?),


Ohh the inner energy forces just might be flying all over the unconsciously dominating expanding brand name hierarchy whichever others work for while feeling free,
While remaining so focused that they forget the (emotional/physiological) pain they’re giving to others since internal unhealed guilt-tripping unconscious emotional past clinging pain is giving their present awareness orders for others..?
Such as forces of envy due to others not hearing their story equally..?
According to those in hierarchical control presently..?
And maybe that’ll be a way the forces will inwardly command subordinates to torture those currently under their control..?

I do NOT mean to “troll” yet I do NOT want horrific history to repeat itself,
And in this context I hope others seriously agree,


And well I still sometimes (if not often) fear and/or imagine that:

As I remain strapped down like a clown,
Mouth sealed shut as inner tension is building,
Too many may just keep diagnosing,
And labeling..,
And lose too much self-medicated emotional balance while partying..?


What’s my condition..?
How would drug induced others (however prescribed or not),
Help me further avoid painful lucrative medication..?

And well,
I guess that’s another worded reason..?
I believe in NOT sadistically abusing..,
Freedom of expression,


And as for the title,
We may have freedom of what we do and say,
Yet let’s also remember to have MORALS about the effects,
I feel it is just,

(Source: United States “Bill of Rights”, Ratified: December 15th, 1791, 8th Amendment)

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