NOT receiving what I put Out

I do NOT feel I (always) receive the kind energy I put out,
So saying I “receive the energy I put out”,
“The energy we put out in the world is the energy we get back”,
(Source: Goodreads, Quote by Oprah Winfrey)
Etc, etc..,
I sometimes feel is part true,
Rarely completely true,
And others times,
Complete bullshit..,

The reality that I see,
Even if I’m kind as can be,
Is that I can NOT control how others treat me,

I feel that:
Of course being kind may reduce the possibility of receiving worse negativity,
I feel there is NEVER any total guarantee,
That I will receive the same type of kind energy I may put out externally,

So once again,
I have to keep trying to find and develop peace within..,

And well..,
I feel,
It’s just not easy,
While NOT being able to avoid others miserable,
And/or various forms of out of control energy,

I still believe,
Good energy may make it MORE likely I’ll have it fairly in return,
Yet the possibility that this is NOT always (or may not often(?)) be the case,
I feel,
Can be a hard lesson to learn,

Now of course,
I also feel,
Finding peace within,
Among an environment I can NOT control,
Is the best I can do..,

And well,
I feel,
It just has NOT felt easy,
Feeling that I do NOT receive the energy I put out too frequently..,
Yet if I were to be negative and aggressive (for example),
Since I feel that’ll just make stuff,
Harder for me..,
I still keep trying,
Even though I may occasionally fail miserably..,
At growing within myself and therefore putting out real peaceful energy..,

So even if I do NOT receive the energy I put out fairly in return..,
Trying to stay in control,
And trying to actually feel more peaceful,
Is all I can continue attempting..,
Even though I’ve been struggling..,

So yep,
I feel a lot of truths,
And/or lessons..,
Can be hard realizing,

Yet hopefully if we keep properly practicing,
It’ll hopefully get easier eventually,
And although (I feel) receiving what we put out is not guaranteed,
I still wish it may feel..,
More guaranteed..,


And of course,
Since I feel it’s the right thing to try to do and,
To NOT increase my chances of receiving energy that is WAY worse,
Even if I do NOT receive the kindness I put out,
I still feel I’m responsible,
Being kind..,


If I do NOT receive the energy I wish to receive in return,
I’ll still try to keep putting it out,

And of course..,
I strongly feel it’s NOT and has NOT felt easy,
I therefore may still get provoked and offended deeply,
And therefore fail miserably,
At being “the change I wish to see”..,
Yet I feel it’s the best I can do to NOT make what I presently can NOT control worse for me

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