Obsessive Compulsive Sinking Sand

For one I presently feel that:
Aside from whatever I may work hard at to choose and/or pursue,
I also struggle with obsessive compulsive behaviors that have NOTHING to do with my goals and feel too embarrassing and unnecessary to share in great detail about..,
So well,
Here is something I’m going to attempt to talk about:

I have a lot of hard-working energy that I may apply to one skill set,
and then when I see even deeper (and increasingly sustain that vision of) what I truly want later on,
I may switch paths..(?),
For example..,

So all this switching of paths definitely does NOT help me reach my potential in any single direction,
and unfortunately excessive obsessive compulsive (irrelevant) behavior also (and/or additionally) uses up my energy,

And well,
I deeply feel,
That the capability is deeply within me,
I just have to do better at remaining focused on what feels most true within me,
And ALSO must become LESS held back by brutal obsessive compulsive forces that want to control me,
That want to just..,
Suck me down and shut me down..,

It may continually NOT be easy(?),
And well..,
My insecurity may have got exacerbated by how others may have mistreated me in this “perfectionist”, “winner and loser”, “one life”, “one shot” cultural mentality,
(And regardless..),
I feel the capability is STILL within me,

So I try to (and may fail to (however often)) use my hard-working energy in a direction on whichever path that I feel is most suitable for myself among benefiting whoever else(?),
And that external path (aside from an internal overall spiritual path (or “purpose”) that may underlie what I do (if cultivated properly)) which I presently feel (externally) is writing,
(Source: Tolle, Eckhart. A New Earth. 10th Anniversary th ed., New York, New York, Penguin Books, 2005, 2016, pp. 257-78. (https://www.calvin.edu/library/knightcite/index.php)),
(So this post for me, counts as an attempt to aspire in a direction that’s deeply truthful (although external) for me..),
Sometimes I’ll work in what I feel to be a meaningful direction,
Then (all of a sudden (and/or expected and anticipated(?))) I’ll become caught up in an inner (deeply insecure) obstacle,
And/or I’ll try to follow a path,
Then get discouraged (because of whatever)..,
And/or become steered off a more helpful, smooth(?) and far LESS rugged terrain,
And then become stuck in obsessive compulsive sinking sand..,
And well..,
Then become..,
FAR out of alignment with my truth,
While forgetting what I’ve learned to release myself from the sand..,
While failing to remind myself that..,
The MORE I resist it,
The MORE power I give it,
And therefore the MORE I sink into it,
(For example..),

And well,
Once I find that I have steered off my chosen path of truth,
And wandered back into obsessive compulsive sinking sand (or “quicksand”)..,
I guess,
If I can better remember,
To relax,
And lie flat on the surface (for example..),
(Source: “How to Escape from Quicksand, Just in Case.” YouTube, Inside Edition, 14 Nov. 2017, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnlrzqf9Ys4&t=10s.
And gently ease my way out,
Without adding (inner resistance (to keep speaking figuratively..)) weight that’ll weigh within me and suck me under even more..(?),

If I just,
Do what I know,
While making inner peace with whatever the outcome (and/or present circumstance(s)) may be,
Then that may just MORE likely guarantee,
That I may NOT get sucked in as deeply(?),

And well,
As for whatever path I choose to take,
And regardless of however long I may switch back and forth (from primary external path to primary external path (such as writing and juggling.., etc..,)),
OCD may always remain within my surroundings (and/or as a background noise) trying to control me..,

OCD just may never go away,
And well..,
As for my relationship to it,
It just may become (or more than) okay..,
(If you understand what I’m trying to say..(?), and (if not) well that’s also okay..,),

The more I can accept it (“it” being excessive obsessive compulsive behavior (and/or whatever I may struggle to accept that I see as inevitable)),
The MORE I become at peace with it..,
And the LESS power it may have over me,
Since I therefore become better at peacefully accepting it,
And therefore,
The less power it has,
To suck me under and drown me within it,

The more I accept it,
The more I feel I can peacefully handle it,

I just have to remember,
To keep at,
The best I’ve learned (and/or remember) how to handle it,

It may remain as a background noise,
And I have the ability,
To NOT focus most of my attention towards it,
Which may MORE LIKELY weaken it,
Free from any lethal side-effects,

I would guess ?

I feel,
It just takes proper practice

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