I feel that:
For one..,
The MORE everyone is carrying so much stress,
Misery,
Anger and/or whatever type of painful energy..,
Well..,
It just is going to be LESS likely that people will interact with each other sincerely kindly..,
And it just may especially NOT be likely direct supervisors will act kind and peaceful to their subordinates if they’re under so much stress and misery..,
And it’ll just additionally irritate them if I say “if you don’t talk to me this way I’ll work better”,
Because me telling them that will not relieve stress..,
I would guess..,
Regardless,
I’ll add that I additionally feel this:
So..,
I feel that..,
I canNOT avoid NOR control others lack of control..,
Maybe (certain and/or many) others can NOT help getting mad at me,
EVEN if I’m NOT the deepest nor most significant causes of their misery,
Although I may have learning disabilities,
Emotional dysregulation struggles,
Thinking overload,
Which may all be exacerbated by sleep deprivation..,
And (hypothetically speaking for myself) side effects of medication (such as when coming off stuff regardless of how they may not truly be the answer for me (as an individual) when on them (regardless of how they may affect those different than me..(?))),
..,
And well..,
What I’m essentially trying to say,
(For example),
Is that if I screw up more,
I’ll just get yelled at more..,
And as many may agree..,
Even if certain stuff inevitably comes harder to me..,
Well..,
I’m accountable to the same degree..,
So..,
The more I can accept that I just may take more blows (in certain unavoidable contexts..),
Well..,
The less inner resistance I have,
The more at peace I just may become with that..,
And well..,
Even though I have “autism”,
Well,
I’m still responsible to pull my weight,
I still need a job and must find ways to adapt to those I’m forced to be around who I may mostly hate..,
And regardless of how much others may understand me,
Well,
Since if I want to get treated like everyone else,
Well..,
If I (even completely unintentionally) screw up more,
I’ll therefore get reprimanded more..,
..,
And I’ll either “learn my lesson” again and again,
Or I’ll get additionally traumatized and derailed emotionally and spiral into more insanity again and again..,
So therefore I’ll more likely get yelled at more,
Then..,
MORE emotionally derailed and LESS focused and treated worse and worse..,
I feel and fear a downward spiral..,
And just to throw it out there,
If someone yells in a way that is positive and encouraging that’ll help me keep going,
Yet if it is scathing sadistic criticism (which only reminds me what is “wrong” and teaches me nothing about developing myself RIGHT..) and makes me feel even worse than how bad I may presently be feeling about myself..,
Then well..,
I do NOT feel that it’ll help me focus more clearly since I’ll be thrown off even more by their energy that I find emotionally damaging for me..,
Welp..,
Even if we’re kind..,
Well..,
Some others..,
Because of whatever history and emotional pain that they carry and that spirals, (and/or) builds and just blasts out of them..,
Well..,
I feel..,
Some people just uncontrollably even treat nice people how they hate being treated..,
If someone is NOT controlling themself,
Asking them to “control themselves” will NOT show them how to control themselves,
For example,
And yes I’ll repeat myself since I initially had this written in here and well I’d like to make it MORE THAN CLEAR..,
Which is that:
If someone takes out their anger on me,
Asking,
“May you please not talk to me that way”,
Will NOT make them instantly inwardly heal and/or clear what is causing them to constantly lash out..,
Instead their miserable egos may feel threatened and blast out even more..(?),
..,
And if I give the another a warning,
Well,
They may also find it threatening(?),
So since I can NOT change another’s bad behavior such as meanness to me,
I’m going to have to (of course peacefully) address the situation differently..,
Also,
If someone has an addiction,
If I tell that person to “stop drinking”,
I’d guess..(for example),
They most probably will feel judged, criticized and insulted..,
Which I’d guess will NOT make the temptation go away..,
And..,
They most probably know it’s bad,
and also know they do NOT know how to stop it..(?),
Hence,
Thoughtless critical advice has nothing to teach NOR offer..,
My belief is that INSTEAD of rudely pointing out what is wrong,
To instead,
At least,
Offer (if asked) some proper method that addresses the underlying source of addiction, anger management struggle(s),
Or whatever is the underlying cause of toxic and/or immoral behavior that may be however similar and might differ from person to person..,
Yet I feel that since offering unasked for advice may be rude and instead of listening,
The other person may therefore feel disrespected and respond aggressively..,
And I feel that confronting a person about being mean and giving them a warning of reporting them if they keep doing it will ALSO not deeply address the root cause(s) of their lack of control and INSTEAD may more likely make them feel threatened,
Offended and therefore cause them to feel worse and therefore cause them to more likely act MORE mean..,
Well..,
I would guess that,
Since I just can NOT change others,
As safely as I can,
I just must practice inner foundational ways of development the best ways that I see fit,
I feel I must advocate for myself and NOT take a life of taking bullshit..,
So well,
I just can NOT change others,
Yet,
I can also NOT escalate stuff,
And I can also,
Take better care of myself,
And well..,
Although there’s no guarantee,
Somewhere,
It just may be helpful,
Having inwardly developed and emanating peacefulness..(?),
That’s what I’d guess
?
And well,
Although I can NOT change stuff externally..,
Well..,
I guess(?) for me it never gets old reminding myself,
To breathe,
To..,
Notice my natural inhale and exhalations,
Notice my inner sensations,
Expansions and contractions..,
And therefore,
Still be able to rediscover and increasingly sustain peace within this physical life energy form I presently feel to be manifesting in
Zach Dana Writing 