Beyond Words

I’m devastated beyond words,
The sentient physical manifestation of such a lovable soul has gone back to the sea of life energy,
..,
Someone who has taught and displayed lessons so much more supportively,
With ZERO words needed,

And well,
Maybe it’s easy for some to say,
“Just buy another dog”,

But well,
Among other pets I had,
Who I also miss,
Well,
You were also special,

And you helped me and my special needs,
Including that time when I was struggling to deal with supervisors and coworkers..,
When I was sleep-deprived and paranoid and you came running to me,
I even remember holding you when I had a low key panic attack while our much needed and highly skilled contractor was having a (seemingly triggered by a work-related mismanagement) anger attack..,
..,
And I do NOT blame him either,
I also likely would’ve snapped the tape measure or whatever..,
Because I also get pissed when others screw stuff up that makes our day pointlessly harder..,
..,
Because sometimes there’s another straw that breaks my back causing me to go extremely wack..
Yet..,

That time (when my mom picked me up) while walking to the car from that other job I had,
Seeing how excited you were to see me UNlike all those customers (and certain supervisors and/or coworkers) who hated me..,

All those times when I’d arrive home..,
When you’d come excitedly running to see me,
..,
All those times when you were just so happy to see me,
Has at least to some needed degree,
Helped heal the emotional pain I felt to remain stuck within me..,

And I also wish for more company,
And even though so many just may prefer to avoid me..,
And times when I’d get so fucking down,
And even if I was watching old SpongeBob episodes on my Iphone and not sufficiently giving you needed attention while home alone with me..,
..,
Well..,

The fact that you will never again,
Scratch at my door,
..,
Seeing your little bed,
Vests,
Bones,
Pink squeaky toy..,
..,
……..,

Huhhhh..,

It just kills me inside