In general I guess(?) I presently feel that:
How can I “just say no” if I’ve deeply come to view myself as a struggling autistic “yes-man”..?
It just does NOT always feel to be helping..,
Man..,
I guess I feel that..(?),
Many seem to have all these suggestions about what NOT to do..,
Among orders they expect me to unquestionably follow through..,
Yet..,
What do they really have to offer me as the pain keeps building within me..?
And is helping me helping them ALSO truly experience more deeply..?
Is helping me helping them let go and/or “fulfill” a need of more control that’ll never heal the emotional pain that also just may remain in them..?
..?
Are they just looking for external control to fill an inner “hole”..?
(Or whatever is the most proper metaphor..),
How will “keeping my head up” really prevent another internal emotional blow up..?
How will more and/or different psychiatric medication help me understand the deeper causes of the emotions troubling me..?
Who really is there to listen to me..?
And instead of “feeling me”..,
I worry they’ll just take my honesty destructively personally..,
How are certain others really trying to “help me”..(?),
And I guess simultaneously help themselves to truly develop more inner peaceful compassionate energy..?
?
Yep,
I guess..(?),
I just have to make more peace with more and more suggestive opinions thrown at me
?
Zach Dana Writing 