Not Alone

I feel that:

Not to “cry wolf” yet sometimes shit just feels to “hit the fan” MAN..,

Regardless of what’s “real”..,
Just wanting to share how I believe to feel..,


If I can’t even manage scanning and handling packages “fast enough”,
If I can’t amount NOR sufficiently adapt to work environments including those I’m forced to work with and for..,

I hope sharing writing can be at least some compatible way of helpfully contributing..,


If nothing works out,
I’ll try to stay in,
If I always lose I’ll remain in,
That’s just what I try to continue believing in,

Even if those typically more inwardly at peace than most STILL can NOT either tolerate being around me..,
And if those ALSO “autistic” also do NOT seem to want to interact with me..,
If I frustrate them equally..,
I feel I must STILL keep trying to help in some way!!?

I just can NOT give up..,

And as for attempting contributing with writing,
Maybe (in whatever way(s)) it can remind others INCLUDING myself,
That although our struggles,
In some way(s) to whatever extent(s),
May be completely different..(?),
We’re still (I guess..(?))..,
NOT alone within it..,

And well,
Even if there’s moments I’m impulsively over-sharing,
And/or being annoying and confusing..,
I just have to keep trying..,
I just feel I have to..,

And well..,
Even when it’s OBVIOUS I’m having a worse than typical day,
Others STILL have more criticism to say..,

When others are expressing how they are having a terrible day I stay the fuck away,
Yet when it’s me,
Since I’m not nearly as intimidating,
They carry on criticizing,
Exacerbating my feeling(s)..,

Which makes it harder to keep going..,
Which makes it harder,
For me to feel “easier” to be around..,

And well,
Even though I always feel stepped on by even those as far down as me..,

I guess..,
We’re all in some unique form of painful perpetual mess ..?

Maybe I must say we’re somehow “not alone in it”,

Yet it’s just like..,

Fucking dammit,

I just plan to keep hanging in there,
Regardless of whether or not I arrive wherever

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