Man

Although I find myself (at least somewhat) aware of myself internally..(?),
welp,
sometimes I remain oblivious to my impressions externally,
..,
One time someone asked if I had kids..,
Or was it a “wife and kids”..(?),
Anyway..,
I was like..
Seriously..?

Not literally,
Yet internally,
That’s just..,
Not really the impression I’d ever assume to be ever coming out of me..,

I’m like..,
Autistic,
I’m like an..,
Anxious obsessive beta “yes-man”,
Which is just..,
NOT what I’d expect others to expect of a seemingly more “typical” man..,

MANNNNNNNN….,

I wish I felt it to be easier to have more of an “acceptable” impression..,
Instead of how I often view my actual impressions and of course INSTEAD of what I often consider as my “manchild” present situation,
?
Welp..,
Guess it’s “no question”..,

And as of now I’m just venting..,
Yet of course someone else always remains ready to tell me something..,
Even if they won’t want to join me on any spiritual deepening/healing journey..,
Even if all they have to offer are negative stuff they feel to see in me..,

Sometimes it’s too my face,
And hearing certain others constantly talk shit..,
Welp..,
When I’m not around..,
I just..,
Can’t imagine..,
Nor want to..,

Speaking hypothetically..,
It’s never how to do it,
It’s never how to uniquely facilitate doing it..,
It’s “just fucking do it”..,
And even if in certain instances that’s “all there is to it”,
Well..,
What are we truly “getting out of it”,
Just tryna suggest taking a deeper look at however we’re experiencing any inevitable present moment..,

Ohhhh..
Damn..,

I feel I,
Just gotta..,
Keep with it..,
Man,

I just have so much more to say..,
Yet I don’t want certain impressions to go certain ways..,
Yes..,
I feel that..,
We all in some way have to stay focused on making it through another day to some unique extent day by day..,
Hour by hour,
Minute by minute,
Second by second,
Present moment by..,
Yup..,
Present moment,

So as for whatever it is,
I doubt that many understandably will NOT want to listen to me ramble like crazy,
And I wouldn’t either..,
Honestly..,

Huhhhh..,

Ahhhhhhhh man,

I remember when I was being more open to,
Someone who was like..,
“What are you doing!?”
And I was like,
“I thought you said I needed to post more?”,
And he responded by figuratively saying “Well I didn’t say ‘run out into the street while naked!!”,

Huhhhhhhh..,

And well I hope he ain’t reading this since I also blocked him..,
And I hope that no one like him and/or seemingly damaged however tries to hack into my accounts and pull some shit making me look like an unimaginably bigger idiot..,
Ohh that idiot..,
I feel I was such an idiot to ever force myself to try thinking “oh he gets it”..,

As for me I’d say..,
There’s just so..,
So much more to stuff like that toxic idiot..,

And on at least one other platform I share more detail as for experiences similar to those..,
And of course including those..,

Ohhhhhhh,

MANNNN