Ego Favors

If someone (truly) feels being my friend,
Is doing me a “favor”,

If someone feels being my friend,
Is just causing them additional “stress”,

If someone feels being my friend,
Is something I must “repay” on some other day,

Then yes,
Maybe the best available option I’ll have to settle with once again,
May just be isolation,

I feel that:
As long as it’s NOT (sufficiently) mutually beneficial,
I guess it’s ALSO wasteful,

Well..

I guess I will once again..(?),
Try to return my attention,
To my naturally occurring “breathing” and/or whatever inner sensations are inevitably passing through me,
As I (try to) let go,
More and more of,
Whose actions showed,
Our “friendship”,
Was never meant to be,

For example,
It was just,
Their egos,
Wanting to do favors for me,
So their egos could attain the power to later on guilt trip me into working for them,
..,
It was just them trying to disguise their verbal abuse as telling me what I “needed to hear”,
Well,
May I find more inner peace,
Even if I can NEVER avoid their direct control,

Huhhhhhhhhh