(Genre: Creative Dialogue)

Person #1: I don’t care about your story!!

Person #2: Then all you care about is yourself!!

Person #1: No, it’s because I don’t want to read some self-absorbed son of a bastard’s, aunt’s.. whatever the fuck.. man just.. bahhh!!

Person #2: But it will help you grow.

Person #1: How!!?

Person #2: You’ll get to learn about another’s experience, where they come from, how they got here.. you know..?

Person #1: No I really don’t..

Person #2: Why is it that all you do is bitch and complain!?

Person #1: Because you’re all talk.., you think you know everything about everyone located in this country, that country..

Person #2: Okay, give me an example..

Person #1: Right now.. You stand up.. punch your fist in your hand, use those slow menacing gestures to show off..

Person #2: What the fuck did you just say..?

Person #1: No wait I didn’t—

The end.

(Genre: Creative Writing)

Are activists just commentating on camera at a fancy resort..?
Are the activists acting as if they know how to inspire action which will just result in their “followers” creating more “action” for moviegoers..(?),

What really occurs behind NOT just the screens,
Yet within any individual,
collective,
changing forces of inclusion and exclusion..(?),

Huhhh..,
Trying to figure out how to solve what’s out of my control..,
Just..,
Yuh know what I don’t know how to conclude this..,
Like..,
Why waste more time trying to figure out what there will always be more of to discover THAT leads to paranoid mental confinement..?

I guess as usual..,
I’ll just..,
Notice..,
My breath

(Genre: Creative Writing (and it may need more work..(?)..whatever))

Hypothetically.. and yes somewhat personally against me.. and there’s more to it as for someone who wants to dismiss this as my “victim mentality”..,
Well..,
I can’t get all the precise details yet ANYWAY;

If the ground is concrete,
And if someone approaching me,
Has a shadow reflected behind he/she/them,
Which (therefore) neither of us can see,
In a warehouse where all the work was done before my anxious sleepless turn,
With the conveyor belts shut off,
pallets,
pallet jacks..,
Vacant trucks at night surrounded by narrow empty streets with mountains,
Large commercial buildings,
Dumpsters alongside,
Etc, etc..,

Ahh!!

I guess..(?)..;

Oh where..,
oh where is the FUCKING place must I hide!?
From the man,
Ready to tear my jaw apart,
Maybe even then additionally maim and decide to tie me down and run me over(!?),
All because I tried to politely say (something like) “what’s up man?” while passing by..,
And yes the dude ignored me which unleashed shit talking (as he said) “under my breath” while he confronted me with a menacing fist palm clap while threatening to “break my jaw” (yeah there’s more to that incident and I believe I wrote/typed more about it and may share (more) IF I feel safe enough online (and I say that because of all the hate lurking throughout..),
Yet..,
If this man would straight up ignore a simple calm affirmative “what’s up man?” while clocking out of our shift on a mid (if I remember correctly) July 21st, 2023 Friday night..,
Huhh..,
It’s just.. if that dude didn’t care to acknowledge me acting chill while simply acknowledging him,
why would he then care when I talked shit (because aside from him straight up ignoring me I was struggling to let go of so much shit.. so yeah when my internal volcanic rage erupted.., I talked shit to the wrong guy (said something like; (“alright just ignore me you asshole”) and I’m lucky (thanks to the security officer’s calm energy (among whoever else..) to be alive)..?
And (a part of me feels that) I ain’t responsible for the world’s pain and misfortune aside from getting my shit more and more together to align with inclusive interdependent advancement..,
Okay so yes,
in that sense..,
I guess perpetually further equipping myself to fulfill my part is being responsible for myself among interdependent inseparable intertwined civilized society on any level and however that may just be..(!?),

ANYWAY..,

And yeah..,
I guess it’s understandable why he’d say “no one cares” after I gave (what I guess can also be described as..(?)) a paranoid apology..,

Huhhh..,
Yes I did transfer..,
Yet what if he finds a way to sneak into the premises,
When everyone else,
Heads home in the dark and scary night..,

Yep.. there’s various entrances..,

Ohh..,
The remote commercial vacant fright!!

I’ve been obsessively inspecting my safe space at night..,

Yep..,

Another sleepless night!!

May more and more of us increasingly inhale,
Exhale and dissipate the internal accumulated post traumatic grudgeful hate..,

Yet I guess it’s perpetually unpredictable..(?),
So therefore,
Well,
I’m safe now..

Just..
Wow..

I wish him the best,
I hope he feels better..,

Man..,
Aside from anyone’s’ surrounding forces underlying perpetual changing awareness,
Surfacing as varying degrees of unconscious/conscious choices,
decisions and/or addictions..,
Huhh..,
I just hope that..,
Hope feels less hopeless,
So all of inseparable elaborate whatever it is,

Chills the forces of fuck out

Who is the inseparable sentient fuck now using his/her/their internet techno skills to tear people apart..?

Some just tragically have a dying heart that morphs into a narcissistic pain consuming and emanating mind that only focuses on narrowed arrogance..?

Who is really the enlightened fuck that “knows”..!?

How can there always something beyond the walls of knowing..?

I try to be a good person,
Then often feel to remain left on the spot..,
Such as,
Trying to politely join with others who,
(As I tend to guess..),
ethically inclusively want to increase pain tolerance,
Yet too often (for example),
I feel to remain with increasing confusion,
Fear and intimidation,

I’m like..,
“What are several other’s real intentions!!?”,

Maybe they’ll just view my typing as “perpetually wanting attention”..(?),
Must I really apologize for that harmless assumption!?
And yet..,
I (however often) feel to NOT know..,
How the uncontrolled effects of my presence has on others,
of variously different,
perpetually elaborate,
cause and effect circumstances..,

?

(Genre: Creative Writing)

I presently believe I feel that;
To whichever form and degree uncontrollably deliberately or accidentally..,
Who else is going to spark an emotional reaction within me then unpredictably accuse me of it..?
Man..,
Who else will.. I don’t know..!?

Who else will have an emotional eruption that has NOTHING pertaining to myself..!?

Did I even convey this clearly..?

My guess is that stuff is out of my control..,
To some form,
degree,
among all inseparable intertwined infinity..?

Ighhh

(Genre: Creative Writing)

Yep..,
To whichever mysterious intentional/unintentional form and extent,
How and/or will algorithmic screens divide,
Any inseparable elaborately spiritually intertwined,
sentient beings off into directions,
of dangerous emotionally dysregulated horrific confrontations,
beyond worded descriptions..!?

?

As of now I just carry hope for stuff to relax and advance..,

Yeah..,
I guess it’s..,
“Whatever”,

Although I hope any forms and extents of pain alleviate eventually..,
Well..,
I still plan to keep trying,

As I’ll now continue;

Inhale..,
Exhale..,
Ahhhhhhhh!!

What’s the.. Ahh!!

Who really has the longest lived,
Most experienced,
“answer”

(Genre: Creative Writing)

I guess that the more fancy,
festive,
and/or surrounding “peaceful” ambience,
can still cause an equal amount of suffering IF survival resources are increasingly cut off for reasons personal,
elaborately unknown and unfortunately,
tragically inevitable..(?),

I still have hope!!

And well,
(I would guess that..),
Just witnessing and remaining “humble” will NOT.. always.. help alleviate any extent of micro/macro struggle..(?),

At some point I must AGAIN exit this safe space bubble..,

Pertaining to a fictional/imaginative example;
As for fighting and/or flying,
One-hundred percent of the time,
Possibly I’d guess that it’s..,

The more and more my emotionally dysregulated environmental response inclinations,
incline..,
my awareness may cowardly decline..(?),
at some point unless I return my awareness to my breathing,
(And yes I feel a present need to remind myself of that),
Because forgetting that,
Has often felt to cause me to lose focus..,
Causing my various forms of hypersensitivity to make me lose focus into some level of pointless paranoia too frequently..,
Then hopelessly emanating overly emotional irritably..,

Aside from the “victim mentality”..,
However often,
A part of me feels it’s just..,
Speaking catastrophically I feel that;
“Why do the forces of FUCK keep on terrifying me!?”,
“Who in the representation of hell is there to brutally openly emotionally dissect me!!”,

Huhh..,
Gotta breathe..,
Gotta witness the inhalations,
Exhalations,
And even if and when I may not be able to breathe..,
I just have to let go of what feels out of my control and yes I know.. I know..,
And keep reminding myself in whichever ways presently required..,

I guess that I continually feel that..(?),
That more I lose sleep,
The more I dream when awake,
Which can drastically cognitively/emotionally transport me into severe unaware vulnerability..,
Making me vulnerable to desperate (and I guess..(?)) individuals in a present state of clueless arrogance who claim to try to “help” me..,

?

Shit..,
And I do feel I work hard..,
Yet I still keep gravitating back to the forces of mysterious safe spaces because I feel I lose trust too easily because of reasons out of my control..(?),

And now I forgot where I was going with this..(!?),
Huhh..,

Okay..,
What if..,
I’ll become fooled into so much..,
So no matter what is pressured of me to give,
Receive,

To a large extent I feel to inevitably fear;
Constantly questioning everything to the point of not taking action among any sensation, considerate fair temptation,
force of opposing gravitation,
on any elevation (for example),
where the circumstances are for recreation (and yes (once again) I fear becoming sleep deprived to the point of being awake in dangerously vulnerable imagination that’s real in ways I’m deeply unaware of..,
while in another type and extent of pain.. I fear forced medication (at some point) resulting in deeply worsening my internal physiological causes and effects)..,

Wow..,
I’m here with all these survival essentials and all I’m doing is questioning aside from other priorities (and if you try to judge me well then there’s nothing I can offer at this point since the judgments I may receive often feel to not change for the better)..,

Yet as for what paths to take to considerately increase pain tolerance..,
Well..,
I just remain questioning in fearful cognitive philosophical thinking disorganization..,
Which (figuratively speaking) doesn’t (presently feel to) help pull me out of that dark terrifying well,
Or whatever inevitably lowers me more and more down into a sewage whirlpool of perpetual increasing hell!!

I’m still going though,
And to attempt to alleviate debilitating emotional pressure,
And with the hope of ethically increasing pain tolerance,
And with the hope of having the courage to share my weaknesses and build them up in the face of arrogant energy fields..,
Well..,
As for this blog post..,
It’s just more of what I felt a need to write for my own mental health care because (in my present belief),
knowing how to check in,
remembering to breathe,
And just steadily chill out the UNjustifiable dreamlike paranoia I may feel while awake..,
Feels just important for me to remain aware of,

And that is what I believe my perceptions tell me is my present opinion;

As always,
Thanks for reading this

Person: He’s a bird in rocks of fire. 

Other Person: Why do you say that? 

Person: Because, I know. 

Other Person: What did he do? 

Person: He’s lazy, shows up whenever he wants, talks about his past that no one has the energy to listen to, he leaves early, has the rest of us do all the work, claims that everyone is against him in order to receive special treatment.. He’s full of clueless self-absorbed assumptions, such as claiming “everyone is against him”.. 

Other Person: Okay.. but now you’re making an assumption.. 

Another trailer pulls up to the warehouse.. 

Both people: Shit!! He’s trying to distract us!! He’s trying to turn us against each other!! I hate him! I fucking hate him!!

Other Person: You both are making assumptions. 

And then, the horrific acts of two against one are performed.   

Some idiot who thinks he knows the “truth”: All you need is fun. 

Some stupid believer: He didn’t come join us.. What medication is he prescribed..? It must be a chemical imbalance. I mean like.. Everyone knows that. 

An even stupider believer: Oh my Gahhh.. Yaaaa!! Like that’s what the scientists said.. And everyone knew about it at the time.. So all he needs are his pills.. Like.. everyone takes them. 

Another bystander: It’s everyone in our closed friend circle.. like.. “all you need” is “fucking others” you stupidest rock in the fire trenches of rapists who believe in their oven caskets.. like.. come on!!! 

Bystander #2: What.. did we say another word that hurt your feelings in response to your alibis..? Fuck you!! And how’s your concert going!? I’m sure you love pointing at all the shit in the arrogance you project.. 

The biggest one word scumbag ever: Lazy!!!