Cruel Game

My friend who used to bully me is now an engineer, My present success as an underemployed stock clerk doesn’t come near, Society would make it “clear”,

I heard bullying “shrinks the brain,”As for learning and social disabilities, I didn’t feel he experienced similar pain, Unfortunately I’m too sensitive for this life’s cruel game, What a shame,

All that tension and anxiety that he exacerbated has greatly inhibited me, Because of him and others I’ve developed extreme OCD to try to attain security,

I get desperate and in danger of being forced on excessive medication from the pharmaceutical industry, FUCK YOU TOO QUIGLEY!!

Oh how y’all made me suffer greatly!! But you’ll just say “learn to take a joke” obviously..

After you see it through my autistic lense then come talk to me, Y’all don’t fucking know what you made me!!

As for society, Instead of exacerbating my insecurity, Such as shaming me for stuff that I know is wrong with me, Instead of making fun of me to try to selfishly attain more of your own “security”, Maybe think of something healing to offer me?

And I’ll do my best to reciprocate, Forgiveness I’m still trying to cultivate, Of course I don’t really want to just feel hate, It’s evident that doesn’t make us feel great..

As we stumble through this conscious physical reality, Although we can’t change anybody, We can protect ourselves consciously, I’m not the best example clearly.. but as I try.. and I think it’s clear why, since I stumble greatly at being that compassionate non-judgmental guy, And I don’t mean to excuse, But if you’ve been in my shoes,

You’ll know why..

And thanks to my level of OCD.. it took me two fucking hours to put my shoes on just “perfectly”.. Look at the fucking insecurity they gave me!! Man.. I can go on and on for so fucking long!!

Still working on moving on..

And like I said I ain’t selling out to the billion dollar drug industry because “quick fix” with no bad side effects is just fantasy..

I can’t “fix” a problem if I block it out, Yeah I get it if it’s an emergency that’s different but it’s balance..

But just to throw it out there.. don’t let the possibly fabricated evidence fool you that your mental health difficulty is a “chemical imbalance”, we know about the effects of traumatic life experience.. if we take a look inwardly at our experience, If the researchers say “we think it’s a chemical imbalance”, we still know we all are differently effected by the same and different experience.. We can realize that society has different effects on different beings consciously.. Don’t conform just to comfort yourself with the belief that “there’s nothing wrong with society”, and this “survival of the fittest” mentality…

Yeah I can do better at being “in my body” so I don’t unconsciously react to non-dealt-with emotions that can make me explode and cause catastrophe for me and others in society..

Yes.. it get’s better, what’s painful “won’t last forever” and although it’s obvious, as I said before, we can use a “reminder” to hopefully help us reduce how much we suffer,

As always, I don’t intend cruel judging.. just venting..

Thanks for reading