Paying Attention

Due to having “autism”, I was told I struggle with “paying attention”,

If I struggle paying attention, I’ll struggle being consciously aware of attention to redirect it away from addiction by paying attention to inwardly healing the source of the unconscious, destructive, impulsive fixation, Therefore if I struggle paying attention I’ll be more susceptible to addiction.. In this case the “good times” may more likely be “killing me” instead of helping me..

If I struggle paying attention I’ll more likely be a victim of manipulation.. If I struggle inwardly paying attention, I’ll struggle with painful emotional mitigation and will more likely have out of balance emotion..

If I struggle paying attention, I’ll be less alert and more vulnerable, I’ll struggle more with survival,

If I struggle paying attention, I’ll struggle with social connection and more likely end up in isolation..

If I struggle paying attention inwardly in isolation, I may get more trapped in my mind and out of touch and wind up in delusion.. which may get worse due to unconscious emotional exacerbation leading to sleep deprivation resulting in even more out of balance emotion, more delusion and I’ll more likely wind up in an institution, all as a vicious chain reaction due to struggle paying attention,

May we consciously pay attention for survival, for becoming stronger, more capable and more able, to appreciate more of life through paying more attention,

I must inwardly pay attention to learn how to love myself.. The less I inwardly pay attention, the more I struggle to truly love myself, to truly love and be there for myself and others,

If I struggle paying attention, there’s infinite ways I’ll be more vulnerable, there’s infinite ways I’ll struggle more with survival.. 

If I struggle inwardly paying attention to my level of emotion for example, I won’t be as aware of what I may be able to handle such as a new job or task for example.. 

If I struggle inwardly paying attention, inner tension will drain me of energy or “willpower” to keep working.. 

If I struggle paying attention inwardly, I’ll struggle healing pain.. and I’ll struggle inwardly cultivating less resisting and therefore struggle attaining more present acceptance.. However, I believe humanity is infinitely capable of assisting the vulnerable as well as becoming infinitely more capable forever faster..

I hope life for beings on earth becomes more ethical and peaceful.. The more we consciously pay attention, the more we’ll proceed in a better everlasting direction,

The head coach of my summer baseball camp once said, “The one question I don’t want anyone asking is ‘what are we doing?’”, I even heard him joke to himself at a clinic saying, “if you still don’t know what we’re doing then you have learning disabilities”.. and another coach laughed..

Well, I have learning disabilities and I’m in a world of people like him, Those who are not in an empathic place of offering help.. Although I feel accessing empathy in anyone is possible since we’re all beings from the same source, So where there needs healing, May there be healing,

I feel that.. As for those who offer brutal criticism of those who struggle more to pay attention, Instead of offering needed inner awareness to clear what’s interfering with attention, Such as intense emotional reaction, Such as over thinking.. Such as greater predispositions to struggling with information processing and “executive functioning”.. Such as bad experiences resulting from predisposed vulnerability that were ongoingly suppressed instead of healed or inwardly acknowledged.. Unfortunately, Many people just don’t pay attention to healing their inner irritation, anger and frustration as a result of others not adequately paying attention, As a result of their suppressed painful inner emotional reaction to their environmental experiences, which for themselves and others, produces bad energy to exacerbate the internal and external situation.. If there’s no inner remediation,

What I can do to stay safe.. What I can do to let go.. What I can do to help myself and others internally and externally function, Is consciously paying attention,

When I’m feeling their energy, If others who believe the stereotypes pay attention, May they ask themselves, “Is it true, that autists “don’t” feel empathy?”

It’ll help me, I’m also part of humanity, I’m also part of sentient energy.. If you’re in a place of real open empathy, You’ll see..

If you think I don’t have a “moral compass”, or whatever.. I suggest re-reading this, Since it’s not only “autists”, Who don’t always, Pay attention